# A Thread for the Mueller Investigation Results and Outcomes (Part 1) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 28, 2017, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093 "2017-10-28T20:14:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 490
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2019, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9783 "2019-03-02T23:19:45Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Uh huh. As of March 26, Amazon will be selling copies of [_The Mueller Report: The Final Report of the Special Counsel into Donald Trump, Russia, and Collusion_](https://www.amazon.com/Mueller-Report-Special-Counsel-Collusion/dp/1510750169/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Mueller+Report&qid=1551560068&s=gateway&sr=8-1). > > By “the United States Department of Justice”. > > With an Introduction by [Alan Dershowitz](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=alan+dershowitz+case+against+impeachment&crid=1RRAR2I8YAI9M&sprefix=Alan+Dersh%2Caps%2C215&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_10). > > :dubious: > > I small a [rat](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ratfucking). Or possibly even a [крыса](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%81%D0%B0#Russian). The publisher is listed as “Skyhorse.” Could that be an imprint of _The Onion_? It’s got to be a joke. “960 pages.” How could they know? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9784 "2019-03-03T01:52:40Z")
> [@Sherrerd](#): > > The publisher is listed as “Skyhorse.” Could that be an imprint of _The Onion_? > > It’s got to be a joke. “960 pages.” How could they know? No matter how long the actual report is, they’ll just fill up the additional pages with Dershowitz whining about how unfair it all is. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9785 "2019-03-03T02:11:37Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > No matter how long the actual report is, they’ll just fill up the additional pages with Dershowitz whining about how unfair it all is. Plus appendices showing all the dinner parties he didn’t get invited to. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9786 "2019-03-03T02:42:40Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Uh huh. As of March 26, Amazon will be selling copies of [_The Mueller Report: The Final Report of the Special Counsel into Donald Trump, Russia, and Collusion_](https://www.amazon.com/Mueller-Report-Special-Counsel-Collusion/dp/1510750169/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Mueller+Report&qid=1551560068&s=gateway&sr=8-1). > > By “the United States Department of Justice”. > > With an Introduction by [Alan Dershowitz](https://www.amazon.com/s?k=alan+dershowitz+case+against+impeachment&crid=1RRAR2I8YAI9M&sprefix=Alan+Dersh%2Caps%2C215&ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_10). > > :dubious: > > I small a [rat](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ratfucking). Or possibly even a [крыса](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D0%BA%D1%80%D1%8B%D1%81%D0%B0#Russian). [_The Washington Post_](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982129735/)’s version comes out on the same day, but it’s shorter, at only 720 pages long. They appear to be legitimate pre-order book sales with a placeholder date subject to change, as stated by [one of the reporters](https://twitter.com/mattzap/status/1101990322219958278) listed on the cover of the _WaPo_ version. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9787 "2019-03-03T03:10:15Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > [_The Washington Post_](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982129735/)’s version comes out on the same day, but it’s shorter, at only 720 pages long. > > They appear to be legitimate pre-order book sales with a placeholder date subject to change, as stated by [one of the reporters](https://twitter.com/mattzap/status/1101990322219958278) listed on the cover of the _WaPo_ version. Huh. OK, then, I guess my knee may have jerked a little too hard, there. We’re living in kind of weird times, though. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9788 "2019-03-03T03:24:08Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Huh. OK, then, I guess my knee may have jerked a little too hard, there. > > We’re living in kind of weird times, though. Yep. I’m going to wait until the pop-up version comes out. Maybe there will be “COLLUSION” and “OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE” popping out on every page. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9789 "2019-03-03T04:59:01Z")
I’m sure Mueller’s secretarial pool has a macro for that. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9790 "2019-03-03T12:00:24Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > Yep. > > I’m going to wait until the pop-up version comes out. Maybe there will be “COLLUSION” and “OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE” popping out on every page. 😃 Thank you for making me smell café latte through my nose for the next couple days. 😃 😃 ION, [Trump goes way off speech again, or something](https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/02/politics/trump-cpac-speech/index.html): > [@HowlingYamOfDumbassLand](#): > > So now we’re waiting for a report, and we’ll find out … who we’re dealing with," Trump said. “We’re waiting for a report by people that weren’t elected.” > “You put the wrong people in a couple of positions and they leave people for a long time that shouldn’t be there, and all of a sudden, they’re trying to take you out with bullshit, OK,” he added. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9791 "2019-03-03T12:03:31Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I’m sure Mueller’s secretarial pool has a macro for that. And you too for the latte thing I mentioned. 😃 Sometimes I wish we had an office someplace where we just worked online with our office jobs and talked to each other live in the break room like we do here. Call Hollywood. (Wait, I live here…) ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9792 "2019-03-03T17:28:29Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > [_The Washington Post_](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982129735/)’s version comes out on the same day, but it’s shorter, at only 720 pages long. > > They appear to be legitimate pre-order book sales with a placeholder date subject to change, as stated by [one of the reporters](https://twitter.com/mattzap/status/1101990322219958278) listed on the cover of the _WaPo_ version. The waiting is the hardest part… We all need to clear our minds with a little Mueller meditation, courtesy of Katy Tur. > > > Meet the Press @MeetThePress ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9793 "2019-03-03T18:18:15Z")
> [@Locrian](#): > > …(Wait, I live here…) Flee. ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9794 "2019-03-03T23:50:09Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > No matter how long the actual report is, they’ll just fill up the additional pages with Dershowitz whining about how unfair it all is. > [@Defensive\_Indifference](#): > > Plus appendices showing all the dinner parties he didn’t get invited to. Makes sense. When is Dershowitz going to get a platform like this again? > [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > [_The Washington Post_](https://www.amazon.com/dp/1982129735/)’s version comes out on the same day, but it’s shorter, at only 720 pages long. Versus 960 pages for the Right-Winger edition. So maybe it’s NOT that Dershowitz is going to include a couple hundred pages of his personal rants----maybe it’s that the WaPo edition is normal-sized font, and the Right-Winger edition is Large Print…? That would make sense, given the target audience. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9795 "2019-03-03T23:53:05Z")
> [@Sherrerd](#): > > Makes sense. When is Dershowitz going to get a platform like this again? > > Versus 960 pages for the Right-Winger edition. So maybe it’s NOT that Dershowitz is going to include a couple hundred pages of his personal rants----maybe it’s that the WaPo edition is normal-sized font, **and the Right-Winger edition is Large Print…**.? > > That would make sense, given the target audience. And it’s all one syllable words. ---
**Author:** ![MindsEye\_Watering](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindseye_watering/32/3619_2.png) [@MindsEye\_Watering](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MindsEye_Watering)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2019, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9796 "2019-03-03T23:56:17Z")
> [@Sherrerd](#): > > Makes sense. maybe it’s that the WaPo edition is normal-sized font, and the Right-Winger edition is Large Print…? Or crayon and popups. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2019, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9797 "2019-03-04T01:01:33Z")
The 960 page version is counting the middle section where the pictures are. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2019, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9798 "2019-03-04T01:37:30Z")
> [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](#): > > Yep. > > I’m going to wait until the pop-up version comes out. Maybe there will be “COLLUSION” and “OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE” popping out on every page. 😃 Remember those thick cardboard-page books with holes in them so you see the same picture for a few pages? I can see one about/for Trump made with a finger hole all the way through. Guess which finger. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2019, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9799 "2019-03-04T02:19:43Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > The 960 page version is counting the middle section where the pictures are. Huh. My copy has the special “Derp State Investigation into Hillary Killing Our Troops in Benghazi by Radiation Poisoning as they Carried All of our Uranium and Gave it to Russia (who is still Bad, but did not Collude with Donald Trump, Our Lord and Savior. Obamacare.).” Shocking findings include… … Bill shot 435 people in the back of the head, three times each, and the police called it a suicide each time. … Hillary’s email server was set up so it transmitted Vital US Secrets to our enemies, including George Soros. … The Uranium is being used to power pleasure boats, for the Clinton’s wild orgy parties of power and death. Each party ends with a “suicide”. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2019, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9800 "2019-03-04T02:35:07Z")
Mine has a pop-up wall. It’s beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2019, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9801 "2019-03-04T02:35:33Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Huh. My copy has the special “Derp State Investigation into Hillary Killing Our Troops in Benghazi by Radiation Poisoning as they Carried All of our Uranium and Gave it to Russia (who is still Bad, but did not Collude with Donald Trump, Our Lord and Savior. Obamacare.).” > > Shocking findings include… > > … Bill shot 435 people in the back of the head, three times each, and the police called it a suicide each time. > > … Hillary’s email server was set up so it transmitted Vital US Secrets to our enemies, including George Soros. > > … The Uranium is being used to power pleasure boats, for the Clinton’s wild orgy parties of power and death. Each party ends with a “suicide”. You forgot to mention the radioactive pizza fed to the child slaves. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2019, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093/9802 "2019-03-04T11:51:57Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Remember those thick cardboard-page books with holes in them so you see the same picture for a few pages? I can see one about/for Trump made with a finger hole all the way through. Guess which finger. Don’t be ridiculous. If it was designed for Trump’s fingers, it’d only be eight pages long, tops. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093.md?page=489) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-thread-for-the-mueller-investigation-results-and-outcomes-part-1/800093.md?page=491)