# A toilet paper conundrum **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529 "2005-09-20T14:07:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/21 "2005-09-20T19:59:12Z")
I noticed my husband has the occasional “skid mark” in the ol’ underoos as well. My conjecture? _ **TMI TMI TMI Should not be read by anyone!** _ It’s the poo-hole hair. I think they have a lot more of it and it catches the poo and makes it harder to wipe off. **/_TMI TMI TMI Should not be read by anyone!_** Maybe you could get some of those flushable moist towelettes they are selling now? I think they might do a better job with less overall flushing material. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/22 "2005-09-20T20:04:51Z")
Ok, fine. I guess that’s what I get for taking too long to post. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/23 "2005-09-20T20:12:22Z")
> [@TygerDralion](#): > > **WhyNot** , can I PLEASE use this as a sig line? > > Thanks! > > TygerD Be my guest. Share and Enjoy! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/24 "2005-09-20T20:20:46Z")
Ever since our New Orleans office was evacuated and they moved in here, someone’s been doing oily poops in the bathroom. You’ll start to enter a stall and suddenly see some translucent sheen all over the bowl, right about the time you smell a funk that could only have come from another planet. I don’t know what condition this person has but they’re coating the bowl with what looks like it came from a popcorn butter pump at the theatre. You’re husband’s had intestinal difficulties. Might oily poop be a result and the extra TP is going toward cleaning up the bowl? If so, he’s more considerate than this person. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/25 "2005-09-20T21:32:22Z")
No, **lieu** , but I’m glad he’s not home to find out why I’m laughing hysterically right now!! ---
**Author:** ![gandalflute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/df705f/32.png) [@gandalflute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gandalflute)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/26 "2005-09-20T21:40:36Z")
I agree with the combination of butt hair and digestive problems. Poor guy! Must be something like wiping peanut butter out of shag carpeting. Those flushable wet wipes are really good at what they do. I would try those. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/27 "2005-09-20T21:43:35Z")
> [@malkavia](#): > > Could it be that men generally have hairier asses? It seems like it would take alot more toilet paper to clean feces out of hair than it would to wipe off a relatively hairless area of skin, yes? I’m agreeing wholeheartedly with this. Unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/28 "2005-09-20T21:50:31Z")
**lieu** , it’s possible that the oil slick you’re seeing has to do with Preparation H suppositories. Those little bullets are made, IIRC, of solidified shark liver oil, and they melt pretty quickly with body heat. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/29 "2005-09-20T21:53:38Z")
Here’s another question; is he heavy? Being one of those unfortunate few, I can attest to the fact that as I attained that condition, I began to use more and more paper. Unless pressed I’ll back away slowly from a detailed explanation, but at the very least the fact that one can’t possibly see their own butt anymore causes one to grab a few extra squares for good measure. Also if he’s got diherria problems, he may be dealing with spread, drippage, who knows what else. (And ps; skid marks generally is caused by flatulence. Not a failure to wipe. FYI.) ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/30 "2005-09-20T21:58:15Z")
Ahhh, nothing like a greasy-shit-and-dingleberries thread. I’m wondering if the cumulative projected TP expenditure might justify alternately investing the funds in a bidet. ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/31 "2005-09-20T22:01:02Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > I’m wondering if the cumulative projected TP expenditure might justify alternately investing the funds in a bidet. Trust me. If we’re talking a hair/shit combination, moisture of any kind is the last thing you should introduce to the situation. ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/32 "2005-09-20T22:05:57Z")
> [@Mama Tiger](#): > > … But, of course, “much better” is a relative thing. His innards just don’t work like a normal person’s do. He can suffer from diarrhea and constipation at the same time, and at one point did the whole flush-yourself-out-for-a-colonoscopy thing and _still_ ended up half plugged up. :eek: Actually, the combo diarrhea/constipation thing isn’t that uncommon, according to the innards-doc I took my mom to. (She had the same flushing-failure problem, too.) When things get all blocked up, liquid is all that can work around the jam. The blockage may also contribute to the diarrhea, since things aren’t working quite the way they should. Fiber would typically help with both of those problems. Given the special circumstances, you should definitely check with the doctor first, though. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/33 "2005-09-20T22:23:44Z")
If he takes any more fiber, he’ll spend his whole life on the pot. I honestly don’t know how he can handle what he takes now. That much would have me cleaned out slicker 'n snot. No, I think it all boils down to just grabbing huge wads of toilet paper, and not figuring out that you can make much less do just as good a job by clumping it up properly. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/34 "2005-09-20T22:35:08Z")
> [@GorillaMan](#): > > Trust me. If we’re talking a hair/shit combination, moisture of any kind is the last thing you should introduce to the situation. Well, they got them shiney Japanese dealies that blow hot air up at yer pooper, so that might be a solution. ---
**Author:** ![TygerDralion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e19adc/32.png) [@TygerDralion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TygerDralion)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/35 "2005-09-21T00:52:16Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Be my guest. Share and Enjoy! > > 😃 Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/36 "2005-09-21T01:59:03Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Maybe it wouldn’t happen so often if whenever I reach back there there’s not so much TP in my hand that it looks like I’m wearing a catcher’s mitt. And here I though the expression “catch shit” was just an expression. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/37 "2005-09-21T06:07:39Z")
> [@LionelHutz405](#): > > That would be grounds for a divorce and quite possibly murder. > Sheesh, ya’d think TP was made of gold. :: shrug:: No, but professionals who come in to unclog a toilet pretty much are made of gold. The last time I had one come to unclog the toilet for me, it set me back 150 euro’s (150 US dollars). Come to think of it, the only thing he applied was a [larger version of this one](http://www.westrienen.nl/19142.html). That solved the problem instantly. I should get me one of those, actually. I also thought some people are so disgusted with their own body and poo, that they use excessive amounts of TP just to make sure their hand doesn’t even come close to touching anything “dirty”. A more relaxed attitude in that way, and a faucet in the toilet to wash hands afterwards, could help here. I remember that as a kid, I just found certain things too dirty to touch, let alone to clean, like the muck in the sink after washing up. Paradoxically, when I got more tolerant to dirt, I could clean it and my sinks were cleaner. Excessive usage of TP could have the same reason. Have you ever heard of the Asian versian of a bidet? Indonesians call it “mandi”. Instead of TP, everyone takes a bottle of water with them into the toilet and uses it to rinse the nether regions, and washing them with the other hand. I read on the internet that nowadays people use squirt guns for the same purpose. A friend of mine, working in a Dutch office, had to explain this to her coworkers. The co-workers believed that the drops of liquid their supposedly gross and dirty Asian co-workers left on the toilet floor were urine, when they were in fact drops of clean water. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/38 "2005-09-21T09:04:17Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > Maybe it wouldn’t happen so often if whenever I reach back there there’s not so much TP in my hand that it looks like I’m wearing a catcher’s mitt. Female, here - and I’m the toilet paper user-upper in this household, because I do it as **lieu** describes above. I’m weird that way. I want as much padding as possible between my hand and that concentrated evil that comes out of my hind end. I don’t clog the toilet, and my bathroom habits are regular, I get plenty of fibre, and I have very few backdoor problems (rarely, these days, since the whole diet change). I’m just really… well, damnit, I’m really _anal_ about it! I don’t feel clean unless I’ve given everything a decent go-over down there, I guess. One of my exes left some gruesome skid marks in all of his underwear. I think it traumatised me into fastidiuos wiping. ---
**Author:** ![qubed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f07891/32.png) [@qubed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/qubed)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/39 "2005-09-21T12:02:04Z")
Look. The real answer is that their male. Males masturbate. A lot. And toilet paper makes for really easy cleanup that goes right into the toilet afterwards. That, plus whatever was mentioned above, adds up to a lot of toilet paper. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529/40 "2005-09-21T16:46:35Z")
First of all, I make it a personal goal of mine to always shit on company time. (mmm they buy the REALLY GOOD toilet paper here at work) Second of all, I’d like to see a survey about poop conundrums, and the size of the person doing the shitting. If you have a bigger (read fatter) butt, then the billiard balls hit the bumpers, so to speak. whereas a smaller thinner ass make for an easier restriction free passageway. By the way, in all threads about poop, it’s not only customary, but it’s EXPECTED to ask… “so, are you a folder or a crumpler”? I’m a folder. E3 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-toilet-paper-conundrum/322529.md?page=1)