I think this sums up my take on the matter. Teddy’s partner (sorry, I’m getting the ladynames mixed up) is not yet a parent. Bob, however, is a parent. His wife cannot just wave that away.
Nobody is saying she has to stay. I think she should leave. What she doesn’t have any moral right to do is ask him to abandon his own child.
She doesn’t HAVE to do anything, but if she stays, she’ll be staying with someone who is an unbelievable scumbag orders of magnitude worse than just being a cheater. If that doesn’t bother her, then she’s just as bad as he is.
Of course she doesn’t HAVE to leave just because he disowned Hansel and Gretel. People stay with scumbags all the time, plenty of women have stayed married to murderers and rapists. It’s her life, and if she wants to stay married to a scumbag then she doesn’t need my permission.
NM
I guess Im trying to think it through.
Ie
Person A has had an affair and taken responsibility but a child is in the picture.
Person B has had an affair and disowned their child.
Is it unethical to prefer person B as a partner because it will mean a child isnt in the picture, even though you had no part in causing it?
Myself I could understand thinking Person B is ‘worse’ than the other as a person, but still preferring the overall situation.
The feedback Im reading is that other people couldnt or seem to think it would be immoral to prefer that from a personal perspective, because it implies some kind of approval for Person B’s actions over Person A’s.
Otara
Yes, and it’s disingenuous to say they had no part in causing it.
Not just approval, but being the impetus for it (not that approving of somebody abandoning their child isn’t bad enough).
You have slipped into my computer and are reading my book. I love it; all these opinions. All this conflict.
Is this your book? You’d better use a different title, or I’ll sue you! (But no worries, I think I’m probably way ahead of you.)
PS in my book there is only one baby, the illegitimate offspring of “bob” and “Alice,” and “Teddy” and “Carol” also have their moment of conflict…and then they really hit it off.
Y’all know I’ve pretty much given up creative writing, no? For profit I mean.
So you satisfy your creative-writing itch by making up scenarios and posting them here? 
Impudent wench! Behave yourself or I will post my 15-sonnet sequence, consisiting of fourteen sonnets each of whose first lines is a line in the fifteenth.
You have been warned.
Do it. I wanna see.
No one is that mad.
Oh yeah?
The needs of the child outweigh the neediness of the adults.
Because not everyone likes children that much
I picked both options where the wronged party gets to demand something of the other party. They are the ones wronged, and the wrong was perpetrated by the their partner. They are in the right to demand something. It is the cheating partner’s fault and responsibility to keep the relationship alive if the non-cheating partner wants it
The child doesn’t figure into it at all. In the first case, never having a father isn’t the same as having one that abandons you. For all we know, the other woman has a husband/boyfriend/support that can take care of the kid. Besides, a child being raised in slightly less than optimal conditions is hardly a crime or some huge moral failing. I’d rather an American child go without a father than subject any child to poverty in Ethiopia or something. Enough people grow up without fathers that it’s really not that big of a deal. Maybe one day he can even be president 
In the second case, if the choice to stay together means no child, either through abortion or adoption, then there is no problem. The child’s never in their lives to begin with. The OP said that after counseling, they decided to stay together. In that case, it is up to Alice to deal with her feelings. Teddy isn’t wrong at all to ask her to get rid of the kid.
The child has wronged nobody and the partner has no right to make any demands on the child at all.
Carol is making unreasonable demands. You can’t tell a father never to see his son. The other one, Alice? I can’t remember her name? Has a stronger case, because she will now be expected to take care of the baby. But she has issued a clear response - get rid of or I’m gone, and that is perfectly fair. Now her partner will have to make the choice.
Jesus please us, and this sort of shit really does go down. WEAR A CONDOM, GET ON THE PILL. Don’t make the innocent babies suffer for your stupidity.
First, you incorrectly assume that having no father is a wrong. It may not be ideal, but it’s not an absolute that it is wrong for the child.
Second, the partner, having been indisputably alive, human, and objectively hurt by this, is the wronged party. The child is not wronged if he is born without a father in his life.
Third, being wronged entitles you to reparations, and if that is that the wish of the wronged party, then Bob has to decide if staying together means more than being with his kid. She has given him her price for staying together, he has to decide if it’s something he’s willing to pay.
The child does not enter into this equation at all, as he will have at least one parent regardless of what happens. He’s alive, he’ll be cared for, he shouldn’t expect more than that. Nobody’s born entitled to two parents, a dog, a nice house, friends, or happiness.
And last, I think the OP should have given more choices other than ones based on what we would say to the partner that was cheated on. I wouldn’t counsel Carol or Teddy to do anything at all. I would tell Bob or Alice to either pay what their partners demanded, or leave, because they were the ones who comitted the infidelity and they should be the ones to try and fix it
Abandoning a child is a wrong. Depriving a child of a loving parent hurts the child.
That’s not the child’s fault, and it’s not the child’s responsibility to make any sacrifice for it.
This is flat wrong.
Not from innocent third partes.
This is just wrong on every count. The child is the most important part of the equation, and does not deserve to be punished for the sins of a parent or for the petty, butthurt desires of whoever that parent is banging.