Only if it’s ok for sperm donors to not raise their child, which is what I consider Bob to be.
Neither you nor Dio addressed why there should be a difference in the care of this child when the circumstances of his conception was not one of mutual agreement that 1) a child be produced, and 2) both of them would raise it. A sperm donor gives his sperm knowing full well it will be used to get pregnant and gives up his parental obligations. Bob and the other woman isn’t a couple, there is no mutual agreement of parenthood. Bob is cheating on his own wife. There is no assumed parental obligation for cheaters. Sure, some may want to know the child, but Bob has the option not to, and it shouldn’t be assumed that he needs to
To say the situation is different, you’d need to make an argument why Bob can’t give up his parental obligations in the same way as a sperm donor. Is it the middleman? Just because one puts his sperm in a woman through a needle and the other through his penis?
Imagine if instead of cheating, Bob secretly donated his sperm to a sperm bank then the couple found out a random woman got pregnant with his sperm. Do you think Carol is alright to be making her same demand now? What’s the difference?
I believe my assertion was that one parent can be as good as two and/or that single parenthood does not mean a certain or severe enough detriment to the child’s development.
I purposefully stayed away from making some crazy claim that one parent is just as good as two because I don’t believe it myself. Given the choice, I’d much rather go with two parents. However, I don’t believe the child’s interest overrides that of the parent in this infidelity example. Sure the kid might turn out messed up, or not, but that’s due to the circumstances of his birth. His parents were cheaters, that’s just how life’s hand was dealt to him
It is not simply revenge to say that Carol wants something. Carol is the innocent and objectively harmed party in this case. She had a life that was a certain way and it was completely destroyed. Her wanting to get back to that life isn’t inherently bad.
And the other excuse people are making is that once Bob cheats and gets the other woman pregnant, Carol’s desires should be completely ignored. Why should the wronged party not be able to make any demands? Why is her request less than that of the future child’s? We know what Carol wants, we don’t know what the child wants. Give the child a decent enough life (pay the alimony Bob) and allow Carol to take back her life. Neither will be perfect, but that’s the best solution