# A very hypothetical question regarding New Year's resolutions and sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2011, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565 "2011-01-06T02:17:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/21 "2011-01-06T18:03:06Z")
> [@Kalypso](#): > > I know of a group around here that has potlucks and watches porn together. _eeew, YAH! FUCK me! Your big cock feels so GOOD in my tight little ass…_ “So, Judy! This 3-bean salad is really delicious! What’s the seasoning?” _yeah, bitch, you LIKE it when I gag you with my big cock, don’t you? \ \_ “Um… lemon pepper, I guess?” _cum all over my FACE… ooh, YAH! I LOVE your HOT CUM!_ ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/22 "2011-01-06T18:06:06Z")
Okay, who else won’t ever look at 3-bean salad the same way again? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/23 "2011-01-06T18:16:38Z")
Not to mention Judy. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/24 "2011-01-06T18:32:02Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > _eeew, YAH! FUCK me! Your big cock feels so GOOD in my tight little ass…_ > > “So, Judy! This 3-bean salad is really delicious! What’s the seasoning?” > > _yeah, bitch, you LIKE it when I gag you with my big cock, don’t you? \ \_ > > “Um… lemon pepper, I guess?” > > _cum all over my FACE… ooh, YAH! I LOVE your HOT CUM!_ I LOLed. I used to be a member (heh) of a Pron movie watching club. We’d go to each other’s houses, bring beer and pizza and the dialogue you posted above was pretty much exactly how it went. 😃 Bonus points for when movie night was at my house and my dog would decide to lick her feet for about a half hour while the movie was playing. Her slurpy, juicy, licky soundtrack rarely _added_ anything to the film. Bleargh. Anyway, to the OP: Aside from communication, I suggest exploration. Watch some porn, from different genres and decades. Get some toys and play with them by yourself. Use you Google-fu to learn about what turns other people on; maybe you’ll get some ideas. Mostly, though, I think uninhibited sex is about trust, respect, and communication. Work on those three things, focusing on the relationship, and the sex life should fall right in line, unforeseen dealbreakers notwithstanding. Sex is 90% mental, so rather than seeking sex tips, I think you should be thinking about how you’ll find that someone with whom you have a great emotional connection so that you’ll both be committed to working on trust, respect, and communication. Extraneous data point: The safer I feel emotionally in a relationship, the freakier I am willing to be. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/25 "2011-01-06T19:28:22Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > A hypothetical suggestion from the proverbial “I” is to get drunk and watch some porn. > > No further slutty details will be provided. But what about me? Won’t someone think of the elderly? I like slutty details. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/26 "2011-01-06T20:55:34Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > The key to having an uninhibited sex life is to partner with someone that really and truly \*likes \*you. When you are with a man that makes you feel comfortable just being yourself, and who you know accepts you for who you are and is not constantly judging and critiquing your every move and word, then you will be as uninhibited as you want to be. IME it doesn’t work that way. Low self-esteem/self-confidence stops that, no matter how loved she feels. And it’s harder to feel genuinely loved (as opposed to pitied, accepted, loved “for now” etc.) when self-esteem issues occur. > [@Dogzilla](#): > > I LOLed. I used to be a member (heh) of a Pron movie watching club. We’d go to each other’s houses, bring beer and pizza and the dialogue you posted above was pretty much exactly how it went. Movies and such suggest that teenage boys spend a lot of time watching porn together. I can’t think of anything I’d less rather do at 16. The whole point of porn is to spank it, and I can’t think of doing that in public, especially while scarfing down greasy food. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/27 "2011-01-06T20:59:16Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > I have my own fears/embarrassments about putting it all out there, but I know I’d like to- I’m game for lots of things- maybe starting a little “vanilla” and moving boldly where even I have never gone before! I’m just not sure where to start or what to suggest… I’ve read that the first rule of improv is never say no. That sounds close to being a good rule here. Being uninhibited doesn’t mean doing everything, it just means being open to stuff to doesn’t really squick you out, and making sure that two people both know what works for the other. That means asking if there is something the other person wants to do and offering what you want to do. There are even some games out there ( **Some Enchanted Evening** is the classiest) that steps you through things and ends with a secret wish the winner gets. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/28 "2011-01-06T21:08:29Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > Movies and such suggest that teenage boys spend a lot of time watching porn together. I can’t think of anything I’d less rather do at 16. The whole point of porn is to spank it, and I can’t think of doing that in public, especially while scarfing down greasy food. Oh, now that was hilarious. I am a woman and this pron club started when I was in my late-20s-early 30s. I was not talking about a group of 16 year old boys circle jerking. The club consisted of about a half-dozen college-educated professionals of varying ages, marital statuses and sexual orientations. The purpose was to provide a safe environment in which to learn about porn and demystify it so it didn’t feel so much like forbidden fruit. No group sex ever happened and if anyone spanked it, they at least waited until _I_ left. We actually critiqued the movies and talked a lot about sex in general, but it was not about sharing personal feelings or anything like that. The only difference between our club and a non-porn movie club was our movies all had money shots at the end. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/29 "2011-01-06T21:26:20Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > If the proverbial “I” resolved that the next relationship the proverbial “I” has is going to be a much less sexually inhibited one than the last long-term relationship the proverbial “I” had, how should the proverbial “I” proceed? > Please provide slutty details. a) Register at FetLife. Post racy photos of yourself in deliciously slutty clothes. b) From the list of possible/conceivable kinks, select the two dozen that sound most interesting to you and indicate that yeah you’re into that. c) Register at OKCupid. Use the same screen name. In your profile SAY that you’re on FetLife and use the same screen name. d) Answer at least 500 of the OKCupid questions, honestly and bravely and with a sense of adventure. e) If among your “less inhibited” inclinations is an interest in something other than longterm monogamy, don’t say that you’re looking for “a long-term relationship”; say that in and amongst the many and varied short-term flings and frolics you would like a few long-term relationships, preferably with non-jealous polyamorous guys who understand that a girl needs some variety. f) Back on FetLife, include a link to your OKCupid profile. Find the personals sections at FetLife and let folks know you’re looking for a kinkster matching a description that you provide. Feel free to put up a dozen or so want ads for different kinky inclinations. g) Come back to the 'Dope and post links to your profiles and ask us what we think so far. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/30 "2011-01-06T21:33:37Z")
I’m not sure if I’m interpreting things correctly, **xanthous** , but the implication seems to be that the really vanilla sex is something that happened specifically within your most recent relationship. You’ve at least suggested that you were less inhibited in prior relationships. What worked for you then? I’ll echo the other sentiments expressed here about the importance of communication and perhaps take it a step further. How willing are you (and your potential partner) to communicate DURING sex? Can you imagine one of you saying, “Hey, that’s not really working for me; can we try something different?” in the middle of the action without the other person getting incredibly frustrated or hurt? Are you both capable of laughing at yourselves when someone slips out or falls onto the floor or bangs into the headboard or gets rug burn? Communication and analysis before and after sex (and when sex isn’t happening at all) are all very important. But I also think that the ability and willingness to talk about sex openly and honestly during sex (and “talk” can happen non-verbally, of course) is key to a couple expanding their boundaries. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/31 "2011-01-06T21:35:22Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > a) Register at FetLife. FetLife? I can only hope their mascot resembles Snoopy engaging in perverted sex. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/32 "2011-01-06T22:07:49Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Oh, now that was hilarious. I am a woman and this pron club started when I was in my late-20s-early 30s. I was not talking about a group of 16 year old boys circle jerking. The club consisted of about a half-dozen college-educated professionals of varying ages, marital statuses and sexual orientations. The purpose was to provide a safe environment in which to learn about porn and demystify it so it didn’t feel so much like forbidden fruit. No group sex ever happened and if anyone spanked it, they at least waited until _I_ left. We actually critiqued the movies and talked a lot about sex in general, but it was not about sharing personal feelings or anything like that. The only difference between our club and a non-porn movie club was our movies all had money shots at the end. 🆒 That is the exact opposite of my point. Porn isn’t something that is really fun to watch for me, and I can’t see just watching it and discussing it afterwards. It sounds about as interesting as a book club, that is to say, not at all, YMMV and all. Glad no group sex occurred, if the crowd is anything like a book club crowd then that is even more of a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/33 "2011-01-07T13:52:18Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > I’m not sure if I’m interpreting things correctly, **xanthous** , but the implication seems to be that the really vanilla sex is something that happened specifically within your most recent relationship. You’ve at least suggested that you were less inhibited in prior relationships. What worked for you then? Ummm…I remember once being completely slathered in honey and having crazy sex. Probably the hugest orgasm I ever had. Ummm…sex at work (not really a good one to repeat as far as keeping one’s job is concerned! I just got lucky) Ummm…shit…yeah, I need to expand my repertoire big time! ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/34 "2011-01-07T15:02:33Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > Ummm…I remember once being completely slathered in honey and having crazy sex. Probably the hugest orgasm I ever had. Ummm…sex at work (not really a good one to repeat as far as keeping one’s job is concerned! I just got lucky) Ummm…shit…yeah, I need to expand my repertoire big time! …or find a Honeycomb Hideout. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/35 "2011-01-07T15:07:41Z")
Slathered in honey? Was it messy? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/36 "2011-01-07T15:08:25Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Slathered in honey? Was it messy? _ahem_ I think that might have been the point. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/37 "2011-01-07T15:11:27Z")
Yeah, but I mean _afterwards_. It sounds like fun, but also like it would ruin the carpet. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/38 "2011-01-07T15:34:36Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Yeah, but I mean _afterwards_. It sounds like fun, but also like it would ruin the carpet. A little shampoo and a hot shower should clean the, uh, carpet. 😃 Ok, I’ll stop messing with ya. Yeah, it does sound messy (and fun!) The most I’ve played with is a carefully controlled drizzle from one of those honey bears with a squirt top. “Slathered” sounds both delightful and potentially problematically sticky, ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’. How well does lube mix with honey, anyhow? And I’m wondering if one tries to wash the sheets after that, or just tosses them in the trash and gets a new set. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/39 "2011-01-07T15:42:23Z")
Yeah, we used some of that designed-for-skin chocolate pain stuff and had to toss the sheets afterwards. ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/40 "2011-01-07T15:44:31Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > A little shampoo and a hot shower should clean the, uh, carpet. 😃 > > Ok, I’ll stop messing with ya. Yeah, it does sound messy (and fun!) The most I’ve played with is a carefully controlled drizzle from one of those honey bears with a squirt top. “Slathered” sounds both delightful and potentially problematically sticky, ifyouknowwhatI’msayin’. How well does lube mix with honey, anyhow? And I’m wondering if one tries to wash the sheets after that, or just tosses them in the trash and gets a new set. Completely head to toe (well, neck to toe, but it also got in my hair) and body heat/sweat makes it slippery- yeah it was pretty awesome. Total huge mess and I think that’s what was hot about it- I’m usually pretty tidy, so it was a nice devil-may-care experience! Sheets washed and hot shower after. Everything back to normal. OK yeah, that was awesome- I need more of that! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565.md?page=3)