# A very hypothetical question regarding New Year's resolutions and sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 6, 2011, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565 "2011-01-06T02:17:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/41 "2011-01-07T16:16:57Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > … designed-for-skin chocolate pain stuff … Either one helluva typo or RNATB is into some kinky, kinky things. 😃 Sounds like OP is taking herself halfway to her NY resolution just thinking back to The Honey Incident. (Band name!) So there ya go, **xanthous**. Think about happysexyfun till you get yourself into a lather. Bonus points if there’s someone else there when you do. Have fun! (Be safe!) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/42 "2011-01-07T16:43:39Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > Completely head to toe (well, neck to toe, but it also got in my hair) and body heat/sweat makes it slippery- yeah it was pretty awesome. Total huge mess and I think that’s what was hot about it- I’m usually pretty tidy, so it was a nice devil-may-care experience! Sheets washed and hot shower after. Everything back to normal. OK yeah, that was awesome- I need more of that! Awesome. Have you seen _9 1/2 Weeks_? There’s a classic [fun-with-food scene](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vLBMEWexoI&feature=related) in there (link goes to video which is mostly shocking because Mickey Rourke used to be _hot_, but it’s not really NSFW in a sexual sense). I bought the DVD for my SO, and stuck it in a gift basket with many of the food items from the scene. We watched it and then reenacted it, and it was a blast! ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/43 "2011-01-07T16:45:07Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > FetLife? > > I can only hope their mascot resembles Snoopy engaging in perverted sex. 🙂 “Take it, Marcy. You’re not gonna shit right for a week!” ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/44 "2011-01-07T16:47:23Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > That is the exact opposite of my point. Porn isn’t something that is really fun to watch for me, and I can’t see just watching it and discussing it afterwards. It sounds about as interesting as a book club, that is to say, not at all, YMMV and all. Glad no group sex occurred, if the crowd is anything like a book club crowd then that is even more of a good thing. Yeah, well, it wasn’t for everybody. A lot of spouses and SOs were squicked out by the idea, so some of the married people attended solo. Also, I don’t really find porn all that titillating or enjoyable either, for the most part (with a few select exceptions), but the discussions were actually very interesting. People are weird. And fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/45 "2011-01-07T17:25:29Z")
I might add that _9 1/2 Weeks_ is available via Netflix streaming. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/46 "2011-01-08T02:46:55Z")
> [@xanthous](#): > > Completely head to toe (well, neck to toe, but it also got in my hair) and body heat/sweat makes it slippery- yeah it was pretty awesome. Total huge mess and I think that’s what was hot about it- I’m usually pretty tidy, so it was a nice devil-may-care experience! Sheets washed and hot shower after. Everything back to normal. OK yeah, that was awesome- I need more of that! …who was it who said that sentances starting with “if only” always lead to regret? Oh yeah… me. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/47 "2011-01-08T14:46:08Z")
For kinky times, play this song to any potential new lover: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/pY8jaGs7xJ0/hqdefault.jpg "Flight of the Conchords Ep 4 If You're Into It") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0) ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/48 "2011-01-08T17:55:25Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > For kinky times, play this song to any potential new lover: > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY8jaGs7xJ0) Damn funny! ---
**Author:** ![Allthegood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@Allthegood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Allthegood)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/49 "2011-01-08T18:50:46Z")
I think the FetLife + OkCupid idea is a great way to find an adventurous new lover who will push your limits. However, since you seem to have a particular someone already in mind, what you probably want to do is to maximize the adventurousness that’s possible _with this particular person_. Some suggestions: Wait a while to have sex, so that you’re getting to know and trust each other rather than rushing right into doing sexual things. That way you have less expectation of “standard” sex from each other and more understanding of each other as individuals with idiosyncracies and personal preferences. You might even want to discuss some sexual preferences before you ever have sex with the other person. Early on, once you’ve decided you ARE going to have a sexual relationship with this person, try writing up “bucket lists,” individually, and then share and compare lists. These are lists of things you want to try together, whether or not you’ve tried them in the past. There’s no need to divulge at first whether you’ve ever done these things with someone else or not, if you’re shy or think it wise not to divulge too much about your sexual past. Decide which of the items on each other’s lists you want to try. Start with the more vanilla or dulce-de-leche ones and work your way toward the more daring and outrageous ones. Keep adding to the lists as possibilities occur to you. Keeping the lists somewhere online but anonymous and private to the two of you might work for you. These ideas have worked really well for me, in more than one relationship. I’ve had a very satisfying and interesting sex life since I’ve tried these approaches, and I feel very free to bring up new and different things my lover and I might want to try. I can either talk to him directly or just add stuff to the list and discuss it later. Good luck. I don’t suppose there’s any hope you’ll report back on how things go? ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2011, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/50 "2011-01-09T01:28:43Z")
> [@Allthegood](#): > > Good luck. I don’t suppose there’s any hope you’ll report back on how things go? Soooooo…it would have been nice to have waited to have sex, but, frankly, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other! So it was a nice long afternoon of awesome sex! It was plain old awesome first time sex, where you’re kind of new at the whole thing together. Plus, this was on his couch because, well, we just didn’t want to waste any time, so like not the most comfortable of all possible locations, but- did I say it was awesome??? We have both admitted that we have hang-ups about the way we look naked- so that was nice to have in common- we kinda laughed about it. We definitely like each other- beyond the attraction part, and it feels pretty open so far, communication-wise, so I think we might have no problem talking about sex, so no rush, I’m going to allow this relationship to open up gently, but I can definitely say there is DEFINITE potential for mutual fun! Ladies & gentlemen, I’m on my way! ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/51 "2011-01-11T11:49:21Z")
::applause:: I see no sign of undue sexual inhibitions. Congratulations! Always nice to see a little uptick in the overall sluttiness of the world! 🙂 Seriously, laughter & hotsexx is a nice combo isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![xanthous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/53a042/32.png) [@xanthous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xanthous)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2011, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565/52 "2011-01-11T13:36:17Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > Seriously, laughter & hotsexx is a nice combo isn’t it? You have NO idea! 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-very-hypothetical-question-regarding-new-years-resolutions-and-sex/566565.md?page=2)