# A Witch! A Witch! We've Found A Witch! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209 "2005-10-27T21:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/1 "2005-10-27T21:52:41Z")
May we burn her? ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/2 "2005-10-27T21:53:56Z")
See if it’s true what they say about their nipples, first. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/3 "2005-10-27T21:55:34Z")
How do you _ **know** _ she is a witch? ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/4 "2005-10-27T21:56:27Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > How do you _ **know** _ she is a witch? Duh. They built a bridge out of her. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/5 "2005-10-27T21:56:37Z")
She turned me into a newt! ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/6 "2005-10-27T21:57:09Z")
No! Get away from me! Fire burn… _Oh_. Ahem. Why not send her to the big pool of milk chocolate? I hear uh… I hear that chocolate… um… burns a witch! Yes! It is like holy water to a vampire! And M&Ms are like garlic. _puts pointy hat back on_ ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/7 "2005-10-27T21:57:49Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > She turned me into a newt! :dubious: … and why **Inigo** wants to burn down a witch-bridge is beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/8 "2005-10-27T21:58:40Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > :dubious: … I got better … 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/9 "2005-10-27T22:09:55Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > See if it’s true what they say about their nipples, first. Excellent idea. This may take some time… ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/10 "2005-10-27T22:13:32Z")
…OK, I got the chocolate syrup, now what’s it supposed to do to those frosty witch nipples? ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/11 "2005-10-27T22:31:19Z")
Did you weigh her against a duck? These are the Middle Ages and this kind of thing should be scientifically, you know. If she weighs less than a duck, then burning her would be the only just solution. Even witches deserve a fair trial. You can check her nipples, at leisure, before you burn her. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/12 "2005-10-27T22:42:56Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > …OK, I got the chocolate syrup, now what’s it supposed to do to those frosty witch nipples? It’s like that Magic Shell stuff. It creates a hard, chocolaty overcoat for them. You know…Dipped Nips! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/13 "2005-10-27T22:58:56Z")
_imagines a buncha puritans watching a far-too-happy witch bathe in chocolate_ **Puritan** : Uh…you know, she really doesn’t seem to be _burning_, at all. More…dancing with glee. **Pastor** : Oh, well, you see…uh…she’s not dancing, per se, she’s…uhm…letting out the Devil! Yes, Satan is escaping, and those are her throes of agony! **Puritan** : Oh? Well, I guess that’s all fine and good, but how do you explain the singing? **Pastor** : Uhm…no, you see, she’s not singing, she’s, uh, saying a prayer to her Godless master! **Puritan** : “I love chocolate, I love chocolate, all for me, yummy yum yum?” **PastorB** : Er…yes. Well known Evil prayer, that. _cough_ Now stop asking questions! Do you want to be in there with her? **Puritan** : No, I prefer dark chocolate. **Pastor** : EXCUSE ME!!!one **Puritan** : Uh…I mean…God is Great? **Pastor** : Good boy. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/14 "2005-10-27T23:34:42Z")
> [@Antigen](#): > > … I got better … > > 😛 Good. Last thing we need around here is an ex-Speaker of the House. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/15 "2005-10-28T00:24:23Z")
> [@Ponder Stibbons](#): > > :dubious: > > … and why **Inigo** wants to burn down a witch-bridge is beyond me. Witch-bridge? **That** bridge. ---
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/16 "2005-10-28T00:37:33Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > It’s like that Magic Shell stuff. It creates a hard, chocolaty overcoat for them. You know…Dipped Nips! 🙂 …or a Nipple Ripple. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/17 "2005-10-28T01:09:38Z")
A duck? Only witches measure against ducks, in order that they may exonerate other witches. The only proper method is to throw her in a lake, and see if she floats and/or can swim. ---
**Author:** ![Habanero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d9b06d/32.png) [@Habanero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Habanero)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/18 "2005-10-28T04:11:36Z")
Drop a house on her. ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/19 "2005-10-28T05:33:57Z")
What’s all this about chocolate covered witch-babes? Where does this line start? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2005, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209/20 "2005-10-28T15:17:17Z")
I’m right in line behind you, wherever it starts… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-witch-a-witch-weve-found-a-witch/328209.md?page=2)