# A woman works hard to have a good body. Is that a turn-on or a turn-off? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 13, 2017, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728 "2017-10-13T12:07:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/21 "2017-10-13T14:32:23Z")
It’s a matter of degree, of course, but in my book an obsession over any one thing is a turn off. To me, “sexy strong” is having a self worth that is internally generated - not based on what you do, what you look like, what you own, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Pabitel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/22 "2017-10-13T14:37:11Z")
I generally find women attractive who are at peace with their bodies. I find anyone, male or female, who is overly concerned about appearances less attractive. So knowing someone is committing significant resources to look “better,” whether using makeup or exercise or whatever, would not make them more attractive to me. I have no objection to people exercising for health or because they enjoy it. I don’t really have any objection to people using some makeup. I do get weirded out by people who expend huge amounts of time and/or money on how they look. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/23 "2017-10-13T14:43:12Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > I figured that the attractive woman was the one who could lounge on the couch and eat burgers and fries and somehow still stay thin I question if that women even exists. Seems more like something promoted by the media. I can’t think of any woman with a “good body” who doesn’t somehow or other work at getting and/or keeping that body. Granted, it is easier for some than others, but no one can be a couch potato and keep that “good body”. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/24 "2017-10-13T14:46:31Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Yes!!! I haven’t been single in six years, but the last time I was, I remember how men would complain about women who would just order a salad or pick at their food when they would take the women out. They wanted their women to order hearty meals and eat them, but they were disgusted by the bodies that typically accompanied women with hearty appetites. I’ve also known women who were convinced that men should never ever ever see them eating because then the men would think they were “pigs”. In other words, they were socialized to pick at salads on dates rather than order food. For some of them, they’d eat a full meal BEFORE the date just so they wouldn’t be hungry on the date. Some of them would eat _nothing_ on a date. Later, I’d hear the guys complaining about how they took a date out to a nice restaurant but what was the point since she refused to eat. Some seriously messed up stuff about eating in our society. ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/25 "2017-10-13T15:00:55Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I question if that women even exists. Seems more like something promoted by the media. I can’t think of any woman with a “good body” who doesn’t somehow or other work at getting and/or keeping that body. > > Granted, it is easier for some than others, but no one can be a couch potato and keep that “good body”. I know lots of Asian girls who have big appetites, and either never do exercise or do some very light group class / short walk that’s unlikely to have any effect on their physiology. …and have bodies that make me drop my monocle and give me the vapors. No doubt genetics can make a big difference IME. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/26 "2017-10-13T15:05:45Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I’ve also known women who were convinced that men should never ever ever see them eating because then the men would think they were “pigs”. In other words, they were socialized to pick at salads on dates rather than order food. For some of them, they’d eat a full meal BEFORE the date just so they wouldn’t be hungry on the date. > > Some of them would eat _nothing_ on a date. Later, I’d hear the guys complaining about how they took a date out to a nice restaurant but what was the point since she refused to eat. > > Some seriously messed up stuff about eating in our society. Good grief! My grandmother used to drive me crazy with this nonsense when I was little. She would cook this bad ass meal, and then never sit down with the rest of the family to eat it. Sometimes, after much badgering from the family, she would sit down and eat. And on her plate would be a whopping three bites worth of food. :rolleyes: Still loved my grammy though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/27 "2017-10-13T15:09:39Z")
I expect grammy was scarfing down food in the kitchen either during cooking or afterwards during clean-up. Which is one way people start with binge eating and bulimia. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/28 "2017-10-13T15:42:25Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > You should stay out of her reach. > > 😃 She’s quick! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/29 "2017-10-13T15:54:08Z")
I don’t find the effort itself to be attractive or unattractive. Except I guess right after a light workout where they might still be full of energy. For both workouts and watching their food intake, it would become unattractive if that’s all they talked about. It is sort of annoying when anyone, romantically-inclined or not, doesn’t like to have large portions _at a midscale-or-better restaurant_. It isn’t that scarfing down burgers and fries is sexy, it’s that I’m projecting my own love of food onto them and am worried that they aren’t having any fun. But what they eat at home or at fast food doesn’t make a difference, (unless they’re paying, in which case I feel guilty ordering a full meal while they just get a fries and diet coke, or in the case of my mom, having to awkwardly ask her for larger portions when she makes meals for me when I visit her since she would make me her own size portions which was around 1/3 of what I normally eat. Now it’s up to 2/3 but I can always stand to lose weight 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/30 "2017-10-13T16:01:26Z")
The Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan** works out a lot and has what I consider the ideal figure - a woman with normal levels of body fat who works out a lot. Not stick thin, not fat, lots of curves, but by golly those curves are firm. I like the result, and I also like that we have that interest in common - we both work out. A good habit, not an obsession. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/31 "2017-10-13T16:12:41Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Yes!!! I haven’t been single in six years, but the last time I was, I remember how men would complain about women who would just order a salad or pick at their food when they would take the women out. They wanted their women to order hearty meals and eat them, but they were disgusted by the bodies that typically accompanied women with hearty appetites. Do most women have a metabolism that makes this a binary choice? (either pick at food, or become fat/non-slim?) ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/32 "2017-10-13T16:18:57Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Do most women have a metabolism that makes this a binary choice? (either pick at food, or become fat/non-slim?) Is this a trick question? Yes. I mean, I’m sure you can twist it around and argue that if a woman works out she can eat more, or that there’s a balance where you can eat sensibly but not to excess, etc. But the fact is yes, as a general rule, women get heavier the more calories they consume, and vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/33 "2017-10-13T16:21:17Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > I know lots of Asian girls who have big appetites, and either never do exercise or do some very light group class / short walk that’s unlikely to have any effect on their physiology. > …and have bodies that make me drop my monocle and give me the vapors. > > No doubt genetics can make a big difference IME. I think this is part of it too. As much as some people like to claim that there aren’t differences between races, there are, and physiology is a big part of it. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/34 "2017-10-13T16:23:32Z")
Fit is a turn-on, since most of my life is centered around physical activities (skiing, hiking, biking, swimming, running). Fortunately, the lovely and talented Ms Telemark also loves those things and we make an effort to be in shape enough to engage in them to our hearts’ content. And as we age it takes a concerted effort to keep our bodies in shape to hike for 10 days straight, or ski from first to last chair. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/35 "2017-10-13T16:24:51Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > Is this a trick question? Yes. I mean, I’m sure you can twist it around and argue that if a woman works out she can eat more, or that there’s a balance where you can eat sensibly but not to excess, etc. But the fact is yes, as a general rule, women get heavier the more calories they consume, and vice versa. Sorry, I realize my words came out as snarky or a trick question; I didn’t mean it at all that way. I was just wondering because it seemed like it shouldn’t have to be a binary choice, but then again the typical American diet is…well, something that causes plenty of American men and women alike to be fat, true… but it seemed that men were, generally, more about to get away with eating heartily and not exercise and also still not be fat than women. ---
**Author:** ![laurieb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/51bf81/32.png) [@laurieb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/laurieb)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/36 "2017-10-13T16:27:55Z")
Some men like it, some men don’t. My boyfriend actually likes what he calls my “mom bod”. The female equivalent of a “dad bod”. In my 20s, I used to be a fitness freak. Jogging, zumba, even weightlifting. By the time I hit 30 last year, I got lazy. Thighs got a bit thicker, tummy a bit heavier, boobs a bit plumper. He freaking loves it. So, I guess it’s an individual thing. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/37 "2017-10-13T16:33:12Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Sorry, I realize my words came out as snarky or a trick question; I didn’t mean it at all that way. > > I was just wondering because it seemed like it shouldn’t have to be a binary choice, but then again the typical American diet is…well, something that causes plenty of American men and women alike to be fat, true… but it seemed that men were, generally, more about to get away with eating heartily and not exercise and also still not be fat than women. On average, men do have a faster metabolism than women, and more easily acquire muscle rather than storing calories as fat. On average. Thus, even if you had a man and woman of equal height, eating equal amounts of the same food, with equal activity levels the man is going to have more muscle/less fat and the woman less muscle/more fat. That doesn’t mean a woman can’t eat the same food as a man, just that she should (assuming similar activity levels) eat a somewhat smaller portion of everything to retain a healthy weight. Or she needs to work out/exercise more. Like a lot of things, moderation is important. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/38 "2017-10-13T17:32:00Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > When I was younger I thought men could be extraordinarily clueless about such things. Guys liked it that I had an attractive slender figure. They liked it that I had a good appetite and ate stuff like burgers and pasta instead of picking at salads and fruit plates like other women they knew. > > But they didn’t seem to connect the two. They didn’t seem to understand that I could eat the way I did and stay thin because I was extremely lucky. And they didn’t understand that the other women ate the way they did to maintain their figures. I think there are also a lot of men, and most especially a lot of young men, who really think “you aren’t like most girls” is a really fantastic compliment on whatever basis, so they will always frame compliments like that. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/39 "2017-10-13T19:07:30Z")
I work out like a beast and therefore, eat whatever the hell I want. I was just discussing with a co-worker about our mutual love for pizza, beer, and donuts. [homer simpson] MMMMMM… donuts…[/homer simpson] By work out like a beast, I mean 1-2 hours maybe 3-5 days a week, depending on what else is going on in my life. I’ll talk about it a lot because I love my workout – it’s fun! No idea if that comes across as high maintenance or obsessive or whatever. Don’t really care. I came in here to say, at 48, I find it a horrible turn off that most eligible men my age (±5-10 years), who I know/have actually met aren’t really taking care of themselves that well. I haven’t dated a guy who didn’t have a big gut in at least ten years. The one exception I can think of was a gym rat who was more than 10 years younger than I. I’m suggesting the attraction or lack thereof works both ways. Nobody wants a vain narcissist, but I don’t want a lazy couch potato either, mostly because I just don’t roll that way. I’m an active person in general. While I’ve been known to veg on the couch, I really can’t stand to do it for too long. In terms of lifestyle compatibility, I think most people just want someone who runs at sort of the same speed, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2017, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728/40 "2017-10-13T19:19:41Z")
Slightly more attractive if they worked for it, but like anything else you can go too far with a workout routine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-woman-works-hard-to-have-a-good-body-is-that-a-turn-on-or-a-turn-off/798728.md?page=3)