# A word for 'happy for someone even though you're also sad'? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2009, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239 "2009-01-14T08:36:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/1 "2009-01-14T08:36:50Z")
Recently I was reading the SDMB and caught a thread about a poster’s wedding preparations. I was happy for the poster, but that happiness was also tinged with a little sadness because it was the death of a dream for me: I’d been attracted to that poster and there was just the tiniest bit of hope there. This kind of thing has happened before, in real life even; I once went to the wedding of someone I was deeply attracted to and grieved the death of my hopes even as I celebrated her happiness. My question: is there a single word for this kind of simultaneous pain and joy? ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/2 "2009-01-14T09:38:44Z")
Bittersweet? BTW, you might like [this song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UP5RFljGVzM). He talks for a while and the actual music starts at 2:18. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/3 "2009-01-14T09:59:15Z")
reverse-schadenfreude? Because instead of taking delight in the misery of another, you’re getting misery from the delight of another. OK, I get that that’s not quite what you’re going for (since you’re getting happiness and saddness from their happiness), but still, it ought to be a word. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/4 "2009-01-14T10:11:01Z")
Alternately, I’d like to propose the word lifezabeetchinnit. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/5 "2009-01-14T10:30:15Z")
_Somebody loves Alice_ I’m the same way when I hear of a hot celebrity actress gets married that I have a schoolboy crush on. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/6 "2009-01-14T17:51:13Z")
It’s called “fatherhood”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/7 "2009-01-14T18:02:03Z")
Yes, ‘bittersweet’ is the best word I could come up with… but it’s an adjective. 🙂 And it’s not quite the same as finding that the hot celebrity is getting married, either, because the ordinary person never had a chance there anyways. For example, there was an article about [Deepika Padukone](http://www.thestar.com/Entertainment/article/570539) in today’s Toronto Star, and I was smitten, but I’d have to be a generation younger, rich, and living in India to even get close to her social circles. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/8 "2009-01-14T18:23:51Z")
I’ve always just referred to it as “mixed emotions.” ---
**Author:** ![Emily\_Litella](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emily_litella/32/3370_2.png) [@Emily\_Litella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emily_Litella)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/9 "2009-01-14T18:24:54Z")
There’s [ambivalent](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ambivalent) which means having positive and negative feelings at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/10 "2009-01-14T18:43:43Z")
Wistful? Triste? Antinomy? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/11 "2009-01-14T19:19:44Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > reverse-schadenfreude? How about _Freudenschade_? ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/12 "2009-01-14T19:23:46Z")
Here’s the [song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IGMZUmi5QY) you were looking for. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/13 "2009-01-14T19:36:17Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Yes, ‘bittersweet’ is the best word I could come up with… but it’s an adjective. 🙂 Bittersweetness is a noun. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/14 "2009-01-14T19:41:55Z")
I like “wistful,” though [wiktionary.org](http://wiktionary.org) says it’s more about longing and yearning. If not that, then bittersweet, followed by mixed feelings. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/15 "2009-01-14T20:07:50Z")
I forget who defined it as “the feeling you have when you see your mother-in-law driving off a cliff… in your new Porsche.” ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2009, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/16 "2009-01-14T21:40:21Z")
I like wistful as **Smart Aleq and Phouka** intone. But might I introduce _amours dolours_, to coin a phrase. ---
**Author:** ![AllWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AllWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllWalker)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/17 "2009-01-15T00:16:43Z")
May I suggest hurpy - a portmanteau of hurt and happy. Al: You don’t look so good. You okay? Bob: Fine, I’ve just got a bad case of hurpies. I can see that catching on. ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/18 "2009-01-15T00:23:39Z")
Hey! No need to come up with the word. It’s more than possible (probable, even) that this person is doing all of these wedding preparations to set up a surprise wedding. Not to ruin the surprise, but they ARE in vogue right now. Keep an eye on your mailbox every day it might hold that invitation to a party were you are a co guest of honor! ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/19 "2009-01-15T02:59:56Z")
Torn. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2009, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239/20 "2009-01-15T03:28:58Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Recently I was reading the SDMB and caught a thread about a poster’s wedding preparations. I was happy for the poster, but that happiness was also tinged with a little sadness because it was the death of a dream for me: I’d been attracted to that poster and there was just the tiniest bit of hope there. This kind of thing has happened before, in real life even; I once went to the wedding of someone I was deeply attracted to and grieved the death of my hopes even as I celebrated her happiness. > > My question: is there a single word for this kind of simultaneous pain and joy? Ha, you’re a braver man than I. I didn’t even go to the wedding of a girl I had prieviously been in love with, and have since lost touch with her. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/a-word-for-happy-for-someone-even-though-youre-also-sad/481239.md?page=2)