# Aaaarrrgghhh!!!! Mike Nichols must die!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 11, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300 "2004-11-11T23:56:31Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [November 11, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/1 "2004-11-11T23:56:31Z")
[Nooooooooo!!!](http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/041109c.php)
> [@](#):
>
> Acclaimed writer/director Mike Nichols (“Angels in America”, “Primary Colors”) has upset a large amount of males it seems in the last few days with word that Natalie Portman full-frontal nude scenes are being removed from his new film “Closer”.
>
> Portman, who plays a stripper in the film, apparently shot a scene that featured “raunchy shots of her fully nude” according to the IMDB & JoBlo - the problem is Nichols felt that the shots themselves were “gratuitous” and had them cut out of the final print.
Gratuitous? GRATUITOUS? Let me tell you something, Mr. Nichols, there is nothing gratutitous about Natalie Portman’s hot, naked body. You suck, sir. You have done a major disservice to humanity by this wanton act of destruction. You have made an enemy of fanboys all over the world. But you don’t care, do you? You’ve already seen it so what do you care if millions of innocent males will never get to behold the glorious sight of Queen Amidala buck naked? You’ve probably got your own private DVD somewhere, Well fuck you, sir. May you burn in hell forever.
---
### Author:  [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/2 "2004-11-12T00:02:12Z")
Wow, **Dio**. I’m as pissed at Bush as the next guy (probably more so), but by damn it’s good to read you rant about something else.
And that is certainly a travesty. What, we can get leaked versions of Halo 2, Half-Life 2, and just about every other big video game to come down the pike; but there’s not one horndog involved with this film willing to reveal glorious full-frontals of Ms. Portman? Bah, I say! Even Julie Andrews flashed her rack at least once in her cinematic career.
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/3 "2004-11-12T00:08:39Z")
Goddam stinking Hollywood liberals! Tofu eating, latte sipping, Volvo being chauffered in…
---
### Author:  [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/4 "2004-11-12T00:25:37Z")
Don’t worry. Those deleted scenes will pop up on the internet soon enough.
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/5 "2004-11-12T00:30:56Z")
Cite? Link? CITE! CITE! LINKLINKLINK!!!
---
### Author:  [@High\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/High_Cheese)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/6 "2004-11-12T01:20:50Z")
HEY!!!
I don’t appreciate you trogs pining for my girlfriends breasts!
---
### Author:  [@TheInterruptingCow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheInterruptingCow)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/7 "2004-11-12T01:23:20Z")
Is this the same Mike Nichols that was married to Elaine May? I mean, that’s gotta screw up tour world view, right there…
---
### Author:  [@TheInterruptingCow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheInterruptingCow)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/8 "2004-11-12T01:24:24Z")
Sorry…“your” world view… :smack:
---
### Author:  [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/9 "2004-11-12T01:26:16Z")
It is, in fact, the Mike Nichols of “Mike Nichols and Elaine May” fame.
---
### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/10 "2004-11-12T01:28:08Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#):
>
> [Nooooooooo!!!](http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/041109c.php)
>
> Gratuitous? GRATUITOUS? Let me tell you something, Mr. Nichols, there is nothing gratutitous about Natalie Portman’s hot, naked body. You suck, sir. You have done a major disservice to humanity by this wanton act of destruction. You have made an enemy of fanboys all over the world. But you don’t care, do you? You’ve already seen it so what do you care if millions of innocent males will never get to behold the glorious sight of Queen Amidala buck naked? You’ve probably got your own private DVD somewhere, Well fuck you, sir. May you burn in hell forever.
_makes a mental note not to piss off **Diogenes** , mopes over deleted scenes_
---
### Author:  [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/11 "2004-11-12T01:30:42Z")
I _knew_ that support for bush would eventually spread to even the board Left!
---
### Author:  [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/12 "2004-11-12T02:07:59Z")
Have you no concept of blasphemy? None?
---
### Author:  [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/13 "2004-11-12T02:14:46Z")
I feel your pain, brother.
---
### Author:  [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/14 "2004-11-12T05:46:16Z")
**Diogenes** , my firiend, isn’t it a little early in your wife’s pregnancy to be having Fantasy Deprivation Snits?
Were Mike and Elaine actually _married_ or were they just business partners?
---
### Author:  [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/15 "2004-11-12T05:52:22Z")
This is obviously all a stunt to sell the soon-to-be-made unrated version of the DVDs.
---
### Author:  [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/16 "2004-11-12T05:58:11Z")
Damn, **Dio** , after **Helen** ’s thread, it seems we agree more and more.
---
### Author:  [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/17 "2004-11-12T06:10:35Z")
> [@Brutus](#):
>
> I _knew_ that support for bush would eventually spread to even the board Left!
:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
😃
---
### Author:  [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/18 "2004-11-12T06:23:31Z")
> [@elucidator](#):
>
> Cite? Link? CITE! CITE! LINKLINKLINK!!!
Friend elucidator, I have it on good authority that you are too damn old to be lusting after the likes of Natalie Portman!
Pervert!
😃😃😃😃😃
---
### Author:  [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/19 "2004-11-12T06:24:42Z")
> [@Kythereia](#):
>
> _makes a mental note not to piss off **Diogenes** , mopes over deleted scenes_
_Everybody_ makes that note! 😃
---
### Author:  [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)
#### Post date: [November 12, 2004, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/20 "2004-11-12T06:26:06Z")
So we wait for the uncensored DVD, guys. Exhale.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300.md?page=2)