# Aaaarrrgghhh!!!! Mike Nichols must die! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 11, 2004, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300 "2004-11-11T23:56:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/41 "2004-11-13T12:43:54Z")
Guys, I hate to be the Wet Blanket O’ Truth[sup]TM[/sup], but I saw a test screening of \*Closer \* a few months ago, and it was not only gratuitous, it was disturbing. And wrong. And sick. And I loooove me some titties. Wait till the DVD, and hopeful Nichols will let you see the scene out of context, in a nice safe deleted scene. And her body’s OK. No labia the size of mudflaps that I could see, but not amazingly hot by Hollywood body double standards. I’d feed her alcohol and see if she turns lesbo in a second, because she has a nice real body (and a real nice body) but in the context of this movie, I really wanted her to put her clothes back on. _shudder_ I’ll run naked through the thread if you want. After my wet blanketness, it’d be a lot closer to seeing Natalie naked in the context of this movie. Not really sexy. Like seeing your sister at a stripclub. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/42 "2004-11-13T13:03:02Z")
I made this point in the [other Thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=285443) (Search much?). I’m 29, Portman is 23. I think social standards allow that it is not particularly perv-ish for a 29 yr old to want to get nasty naked with a 23 yr old. However, as an individual, Portman has a very adolescent _looking_ body. I just ain’t all that attracted to adolescents. For all of you in this Thread who _are_ sexually attracted to adolescents, I suppose it is good that you have been able to find a young adult who just happens to _look like_ an adolescent upon whom to lavish you lascivious leering. More power to you. May you find many more adults of this build so that you never need prowl the schoolyards. 😉 All hope is not lost. I’m pretty sure you still get to see her breasts. As I understand, it was just the “raunchy shots of her fully nude" that were cut. So you just don’t get to see the Naboo Choo-Choo. And, YES, I do think she’s beautiful- just not in a hard-on kind of a way. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/43 "2004-11-13T13:22:33Z")
:smack: My post made it sound as if the reason it was disturbing was the mere OKness of her body. That’s not it at all. The disturbing part of seeing her naked was that, in the context of the movie, she is totally manipulated and demeaned by total assholes (one in particular). This is \*\*not \*\* a girl (we know she’s a stripper, right? It’s in the preview, so I’m not spoilering it) who became a stripper because it felt empowering in a Gloria Steinem way. Her private dance scene is so disturbing because of the conversation happening a the time. It’s a gut-wrenching, horrible scene to watch because of the context, not because of Natalie’s cute-but-less-than-spectacular body. It’s uncomfortable in a very Mike Nichols’ specific way. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/44 "2004-11-13T14:01:13Z")
Ah, **WhyNot** , there you go again, throwing a bucket of icy reality over a fantasmagorical rantfest and smirk-in by the lust-obsessed among us, and Down, sir! It’s useless – I have no skirts to look up. No, I don’t mean that! I am in fact fully clothed, and Really? You would? Just for ME? Oh, very well. :: Mounts trusty steed and gallops naked through thread :: I beg your pardon? Oh. And what will you offer for that? Hmmmmmm… double the offer and you’ve got it. :: Turns back trusty steed and trots naked through thread :: 😛😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/45 "2004-11-13T18:03:40Z")
Paging **iampunha** – **EddyTeddyFreddy** just went you one better! 😉 _also runs naked through thread_ ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/46 "2004-11-13T18:32:16Z")
Dammit, what’s wrong with my browser? All these lady Dopers running nekkid through the thread and I _can’t see a thing!_ ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/47 "2004-11-13T22:32:53Z")
It is heartening to me that, in this time of national tragedy for all American males, the women of this board will boldly stand up, sans frock, and run naked through the thread to comfort us. Truly, this is an enlightened age. ---
**Author:** ![Bleaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bleaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bleaker)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/48 "2004-11-14T00:32:37Z")
I think this thread has taken a wrong turn. MPSIMS is over _that way_. Back to the subject… > [@bienville](#): > > However, as an individual, Portman has a very adolescent looking body. I just ain’t all that attracted to adolescents. For all of you in this Thread who are sexually attracted to adolescents, I suppose it is good that you have been able to find a young adult who just happens to look like an adolescent upon whom to lavish you lascivious leering. More power to you. May you find many more adults of this build so that you never need prowl the schoolyards. I find it especially creepy how many of the Portman fans absolutely love her role in _Leon/The Professional_, where she was all of 13 and had an unusually intimate relationship with an older adult male. I agree it’s an excellent movie, but that combined with the lust to see her naked now, I find a little strange. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/49 "2004-11-14T00:46:35Z")
> [@Bleaker](#): > > I think this thread has taken a wrong turn. MPSIMS is over _that way_. The topic of Natalie Portman nude (or not, as the case may be), is neither mundane nor pointless. EVER. Frankly, this belongs as a sticky (heh) thread in Great Debates, but we must toil where we can under the tyranny of the Mods. ---
**Author:** ![Bleaker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Bleaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bleaker)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/50 "2004-11-14T01:02:30Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > The topic of Natalie Portman nude (or not, as the case may be), is neither mundane nor pointless. EVER. Oh, I agree. Sorry if I was unclear. I was referring to the posts having nothing to do with Natalie Portman. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/51 "2004-11-14T01:04:44Z")
> [@Bleaker](#): > > Oh, I agree. Sorry if I was unclear. I was referring to the posts having nothing to do with Natalie Portman. Worry not. A list is being made… ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/52 "2004-11-14T02:07:19Z")
:: Canters nekkid through thread, stopping trusty steed to drop large load of road apples into **Brutus’s** beer :: ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/53 "2004-11-14T03:23:01Z")
\ Stopping long enough to say that I saw Mike Nichols at the New Yorker Festival last year when he was talking about ANGELS IN AMERICA, and there was a retrospective of his career with plenty of May footage, and no, they were never romantically involved. \ Oh yeah, **Biffy,** slip us all a few bucks via PayPal and we will ship you the Extra Special Browser! Yessir, the Extra Special Browser. Yep. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/54 "2004-11-14T03:28:07Z")
> [@Mehitabel](#): > > Oh yeah, **Biffy,** slip us all a few bucks via PayPal and we will ship you the Extra Special Browser! Yessir, the Extra Special Browser. Yep. That’s right! And just for a teaser, a come-on, let me share with you a [picture of my rump](http://community.webshots.com/photo/735286/805358) engaged in a sensuous roll. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300/55 "2004-11-14T03:42:29Z")
The worst part is not that Portman’s nude scenes have been pared down to a few topless shots, but that we’ll have to endure Julia Roberts to get to them. Grimace. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aaaarrrgghhh-mike-nichols-must-die/274300.md?page=2)