# Abandon Every Hope. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524 "2015-10-04T18:39:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/41 "2015-10-07T00:21:41Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Nothing – no one can help me. Jut to talk to people about my problems. It doesn’t seem like you’re really talking about your problems. Rather, you are just repeating the same laments; namely that you are hopelessly depressed (with a big dose of autism and obesity to boot). You simply wish to wallow, you shoot down every-single-piece of advice given. We get it. Stop now please. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/42 "2015-10-07T00:24:10Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Stop now please. I do not force anyone to give me psychic energy, but I appreciate everyone who talks about my issues. That does help me a lot. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/43 "2015-10-07T00:27:05Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > So what’s the point of even complaining about it here? I believe I should deal with my stress by talking to anyone who listens. Many people deal with their stress in very negative ways – smoking, drinking, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/44 "2015-10-07T00:28:22Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I do not force anyone to give me psychic energy, but I appreciate everyone who talks about my issues. That does help me a lot. Really?? It doesn’t seem like you’ve been at all receptive to any of the people coming here with genuine advice. How have such posters been helpful to you? I’m honestly curious. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/45 "2015-10-07T00:38:05Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I have thought about improving my situation for years. Now I have neither the energy nor the will to do anything. Look, I will keep talking to you and we will still be friends. But on this particular topic I will not keep talking, if you don’t want to take the advice. I am going to say two things but that is my last comment on the topic: 1- You have to make changes in small steps. Getting a job or driving a car seems overwhelming. This is why you make small steps. Small steps are something you can accomplish. 2- I understand, I think I understand, that part of aspergers is not understanding normal social situations. So I will tell you, politely, that if you keep complaining about problems but do not want to take advice, that will annoy most people. I do not know how to explain it, that is just the way it works. I suggest, you talk about history or some other topic that interests you if you want to talk to people online. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/46 "2015-10-07T00:58:36Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Really?? It doesn’t seem like you’ve been at all receptive to any of the people coming here with genuine advice. How have such posters been helpful to you? I’m honestly curious. When I talk about my problems I am not as lonely as I would have been without Internet. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/47 "2015-10-07T01:00:26Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > You have to make changes in small steps. Getting a job or driving a car seems overwhelming. This is why you make small steps. Small steps are something you can accomplish. I will. I am not very young but I will work on my situation. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/48 "2015-10-07T01:01:06Z")
I get the feeling this is going to turn ugly very quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/49 "2015-10-07T01:46:01Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I will. I am not very young but I will work on my situation. I suggest you try online resources for people with Aspergers and Autism. I know they have lots of them because I checked for such resources for another friend of mine. It will help you to talk to other people who have similar problems. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/50 "2015-10-07T07:44:48Z")
I abandoned every hope, or very nearly so, in 1989 at the age of 38, at which time I quit my job in Silicon Gulch and ran off to live as a semi-hermit in a semi-rural area. I found it very liberating. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/51 "2015-10-07T13:26:35Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > When I talk about my problems I am not as lonely as I would have been without Internet. ``` This is a big clue to your solution. You have found relief when you talk about your problem so you continue to go back to this as a solution. Talking abut your problem is only one step in your solution. You need to force yourself to make additional steps that may be outside your comfort zone. As you experience successful interactions you will recognize the good feeling you get that goes along with a successful interaction with another human being. ``` ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/52 "2015-10-07T16:33:27Z")
A couple of things to consider doing: 1. Sign up for driving lessons. Talk to the schools about your fear of driving, and use one of the schools that have dual steering/brakes in the car. If you fail to maneuver to keep the car safe, the teacher can do it for you. Pay for a second round of lessons if needed, but give yourself the chance to learn how to drive. It’s not as overwhelming as it sounds. I have a friend who is high-functioning autistic, and I feel perfectly safe riding in a car when he drives. 2. Research different jobs which will work with your degree. This internship is obviously not good for you. It is barely better than nothing, but don’t just quit. You need to be fairly compensated for your time an intelligence. 3. Go to [https://www.khanacademy.org/](https://www.khanacademy.org/) and [https://www.codecademy.com/](https://www.codecademy.com/) and find something you want to learn. Anything at all. Make yourself work on at least one course at all times. Learning new things fights depression. 4. Exercise. Walk outside. Go outside. Never allow yourself to sleep if you have not at least walked down the block and back. Do this in the daytime if at all possible, but if it’s 2:00am and you are ready to sleep but have not been outside on this wake cycle, make yourself go out before you allow yourself to sleep. Entropy plus depression equals laziness. You can only defeat the depression by fighting the entropy. Make yourself move in the sunlight. If there are days when you can’t win this battle, then at least sit by a window and look out for 20 minutes each day. I understand how simultaneously depressing and compelling the walls of your home can be. Make yourself walk outside. It will feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar the first few times you do it. After 10 times, it will feel familiar and soon it will feel comfortable. Stop that! That thought you just had, the one about why this is all impossible. Just stop it right there, don’t even type it. Go get a pen and paper and write ten times “I will walk outside every day.” ---
**Author:** ![Gothic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Gothic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gothic)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/53 "2015-10-07T16:49:22Z")
You seem pretty happy compared to every other Russian I know. What do you like? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/54 "2015-10-07T17:50:00Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > A couple of things to consider doing: > > 1. Sign up for driving lessons. Talk to the schools about your fear of driving, and use one of the schools that have dual steering/brakes in the car. If you fail to maneuver to keep the car safe, the teacher can do it for you. Pay for a second round of lessons if needed, but give yourself the chance to learn how to drive. It’s not as overwhelming as it sounds. I have a friend who is high-functioning autistic, and I feel perfectly safe riding in a car when he drives. > > 2. Research different jobs which will work with your degree. This internship is obviously not good for you. It is barely better than nothing, but don’t just quit. You need to be fairly compensated for your time an intelligence. > > 3. Go to [https://www.khanacademy.org/](https://www.khanacademy.org/) and [https://www.codecademy.com/](https://www.codecademy.com/) and find something you want to learn. Anything at all. Make yourself work on at least one course at all times. Learning new things fights depression. > > 4. Exercise. Walk outside. Go outside. Never allow yourself to sleep if you have not at least walked down the block and back. Do this in the daytime if at all possible, but if it’s 2:00am and you are ready to sleep but have not been outside on this wake cycle, make yourself go out before you allow yourself to sleep. You just gave advice to a brick wall. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/55 "2015-10-07T17:59:29Z")
> [@Gothic](#): > > You seem pretty happy compared to every other Russian I know. What do you like? I’m afraid he’s already said too much. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/56 "2015-10-07T18:33:25Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > I’m afraid he’s already said too much. Nyet, tovarisch. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/57 "2015-10-07T20:26:21Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I abandoned every hope, or very nearly so, in 1989 at the age of 38, at which time I quit my job in Silicon Gulch and ran off to live as a semi-hermit in a semi-rural area. > > I found it very liberating. I thought about starting a new life many times. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/58 "2015-10-07T20:27:25Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > This is a big clue to your solution. You have found relief when you talk about your problem so you continue to go back to this as a solution. Talking abut your problem is only one step in your solution. Definitely – I do not force anyone to give me their psychic energy, but when it is given I appreciate. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/59 "2015-10-07T20:28:38Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > You just gave advice to a brick wall. Any psychic energy helps me. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/60 "2015-10-07T21:12:40Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Any psychic energy helps me. Helps you to do what? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524.md?page=4)