# Abandon Every Hope. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2015, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524 "2015-10-04T18:39:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/61 "2015-10-07T22:16:28Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Any psychic energy helps me. So, are you confirming that you have no interest in actually trying to do any of these things? Because I have better things to do with my time. . . ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/62 "2015-10-07T23:10:20Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > So, are you confirming that you have no interest in actually trying to do any of these things? Because I have better things to do with my time. . . I found your comments to be most helpful. I had to leave the house today to go to town to return a package via UPS. Not the hardest task in the world but it still took some effort. Your advice is accurate, anyone should be willing to leave the house for at least 10 minutes if they want to change or make improvements. I may not make the effort every day, many days I do not, but your advice helped me be successful today. Now, I am not sure if everyone here understands Asperger’s/Autism. I am not an expert but I have had a couple of friends in the past who had troubles with that disorder. CCitizen, tell me if I have this correct: For a person with Asperger’s/Autism habituation is a very large problem. The connections in the brain in a person with Asperger’s/Autism do not work the same as they do for a normal person. It is harder to form new habits and it is harder to form a habituation, or tolerance for stress. To make an example: Suppose you live 1/2 mile away from the laundromat. Suppose you are also in a tough economic situation. Most people would find a trip to the laundromat a little stressful but eventually you would habituate to it. Transporting your clothes, without the benefit of a car, having to get quarters from the person at the laundromat, or, having to interact with them if the machine is broken, the loud noise\* in a laundromat, the germs and the lack of cleanliness, strangers that you do not know… swapping laundry from machine to machine and waiting for your clothes to process. Then the trip 1/2 hour back home without a car, encumbered with laundry that can turn a 10 minute walk into a 30 minute walk. Most people will “habituate” to this after a few trips. But, from my understanding, a person with Asperger’s/Autism does not form the same resiliency to stress toleration that other people do. To them, each trip to the laundromat has as much stress as the very first trip, even after going several times. \*Strangers, loud noises, unsanitary conditions are all stressful situations for most people with Asperger’s/Autism, at least as far as I know. So, maybe we could cut CCitizen a little slack if he is slow or reluctant to change. Also, don’t be so quick to dismiss him when he says “I don’t want to” or “I can’t change”. People with Asperger’s/Autism are normally very direct, literal people, from what I understand. He is not trying to be rude. He is just responding honestly. Now, CCitizen, we (at least I do) hope that you can realize we are trying to help you. Most of us understand that it is hard to make change or have hope if you are out of work, on disability and are overweight. But… people with even worse problems than you have improved their lives. So, please, try to take our advice the best you can. Start by taking small steps. Perhaps you can take the small step mentioned above and make a promise to leave the house at least once a day for 10 minutes. Take your Ipod or whatever you need to do to make it easier to do. Call someone. Make a list of things you need to do and spend those 10 minutes thinking about your list. Just make a start. That is all anyone expects, I think, is a step in the right direction. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/63 "2015-10-07T23:40:22Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > So, are you confirming that you have no interest in actually trying to do any of these things? Because I have better things to do with my time. . . I doubt anything will change my situation for better. But I am not desperate – I am in [acceptance](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model) of my situation. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/64 "2015-10-07T23:47:13Z")
[QUOTE=Robert163] For a person with Asperger’s/Autism habituation is a very large problem. The connections in the brain in a person with Asperger’s/Autism do not work the same as they do for a normal person. It is harder to form new habits and it is harder to form a habituation, or tolerance for stress. [/QUOTE] It is much harder for an Autistic person to form a new habit. And it is easier for someone half my age. I am still stuck in old routine. [QUOTE=Robert163] Suppose you live 1/2 mile away from the laundromat. Suppose you are also in a tough economic situation. Most people would find a trip to the laundromat a little stressful but eventually you would habituate to it. Transporting your clothes, without the benefit of a car, [/QUOTE] That would have been quite terrible – I weigh 155kg and do not exercise much. [QUOTE=Robert163] So, maybe we could cut CCitizen a little slack if he is slow or reluctant to change. Also, don’t be so quick to dismiss him when he says “I don’t want to” or “I can’t change”. People with Asperger’s/Autism are normally very direct, literal people, from what I understand. He is not trying to be rude. He is just responding honestly. [/QUOTE] Thank you. I am not sure I need to change – maybe a change will be for the worse. Maybe if I become independent of my parents I will become an alcoholic. [QUOTE=Robert163] So, please, try to take our advice the best you can. Start by taking small steps. Perhaps you can take the small step mentioned above and make a promise to leave the house at least once a day for 10 minutes. Take your Ipod or whatever you need to do to make it easier to do. Call someone. Make a list of things you need to do and spend those 10 minutes thinking about your list. Just make a start. That is all anyone expects, I think, is a step in the right direction. [/QUOTE] Thank you – I will try to make best of my situation. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2015, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/65 "2015-10-07T23:52:25Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Thank you – I will try to make best of my situation. Do you think you can take a walk outside for 10 minutes today? ETA: I can tell you are working hard to take our advice. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/66 "2015-10-08T00:02:45Z")
> [@Robert163](#): > > Do you think you can take a walk outside for 10 minutes today? > > ETA: I can tell you are working hard to take our advice. Of course – my doctor and parents also request that I exercise. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/67 "2015-10-08T00:07:23Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Thank you. I am not sure I need to change – maybe a change will be for the worse. Maybe if I become independent of my parents I will become an alcoholic. Based on your many posts about your life, it’s clear that you’re not happy with the situation as it is now. So if you want to be happier, wouldn’t it be a good idea to change? And it must have occurred to you that you will probably outlive your parents. (Although given your health, there’s no guarantee.) So what will you do when you’re no longer receiving their support? ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/68 "2015-10-08T19:19:57Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > So if you want to be happier, wouldn’t it be a good idea to change? I do not know. There can be good change and bad change. Some people in my situation became alcoholics or drug users or motorcyclists – I am just a complainer… ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/69 "2015-10-08T19:36:41Z")
Yes, there is “good change and bad change.” But surely you can see the difference. 1. You lose weight. Good change or bad change? 2. You find a job paying more than the $3,000 you’re now getting annually. Good change or bad change? 3. You leave the house from time to time and meet people in real life. Good change or bad change? Et cetera. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/70 "2015-10-08T19:38:13Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > 1. You lose weight. Good change or bad change? > 2. You find a job paying more than the $3,000 you’re now getting annually. Good change or bad change? > 3. You leave the house from time to time and meet people in real life. Good change or bad change? These would be good changes, but trying and failing would be a great waste of time and energy. Should I try and fail? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/71 "2015-10-08T19:40:05Z")
No, you shouldn’t try and fail. Instead you should do absolutely nothing to improve your situation and continue to be miserable. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/72 "2015-10-08T19:41:11Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > No, you shouldn’t try and fail. Instead you should do absolutely nothing to improve your situation and continue to be miserable. I do not know – by my age of 45 I am very settled. Young people change much more easily. When I was half my age I wanted to change. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/73 "2015-10-08T19:43:46Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > I do not know – by my age of 45 I am very settled. Young people change much more easily. > > When I was half my age I wanted to change. Then stop whining and don’t change. ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/74 "2015-10-08T19:45:11Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Then stop whining and don’t change. Complaining is a part of my life. It is much better then alcoholism, smoking, motorcycling taken up by many in my situation. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/75 "2015-10-08T19:48:39Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > Complaining is a part of my life. It is much better then alcoholism, smoking, motorcycling taken up by many in my situation. Perhaps you can parlay it into a movie making career? Worked for Woody Allen. He isn’t Russian but he is Jewish. You’re practically half way there! ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/76 "2015-10-08T19:50:27Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Perhaps you can parlay it into a movie making career? I will open a new Youtube channel soon. My first channel got too few hits – 50 videos is a lot of work for a few thousand views. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/77 "2015-10-08T20:06:43Z")
Hey… why not make those into inspirational videos?! “How I lost 70kgs in 500 days!” People love that kind of stuff. Gives them hope, y’know? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CCitizen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@CCitizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CCitizen)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/78 "2015-10-08T20:09:30Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Hey… why not make those into inspirational videos?! Most inspirational videos should come from people half my age. At 45 I am not really into change. But I value my life and live one day at a time. People twice my age whose situation is bad and deteriorates every day still live as they can. They also grow spiritually. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/79 "2015-10-08T20:20:21Z")
Nonsense. Show me a 22 year old that’s got anything to teach anybody about life. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524/80 "2015-10-08T20:20:25Z")
> [@CCitizen](#): > > > [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > > > Then stop whining and don’t change. > > Complaining is a part of my life. It is much better then alcoholism, smoking, motorcycling taken up by many in my situation. Actually maybe not. Smoking might help you lose weight. And if you spent every evening in a bar getting stinking drunk, at least you’d spending time among other people. Or you could take up motorcycling, join the Hell’s Angels or another motorcycle club and socialize that way. Best of all, do all three; become a chain-smoking, alcoholic, depressed Russian Jewish biker. Certainly you’d be a more _interesting_ person. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abandon-every-hope/733524.md?page=5)