# Abortion Issue got me sleeping on the Couch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 16, 2005, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041 "2005-05-16T09:11:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/61 "2005-05-16T21:16:21Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > Just curious - how many days/weeks/months/years do you think it’s possible to sustain a relationship w/out somebody saying something couch-worthy? At least five years. I’ve never had a longer relationship than that, I’m afraid. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/62 "2005-05-16T21:20:02Z")
Correlation? (we’ve been married 17 yrs, but I don’t say that smugly - some of those we just barely squeaked through) \ 😛 (there’s got to be one floating around, just can’t quite grab onto it) ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/63 "2005-05-16T21:25:12Z")
> [@glee](#): > > You might like to reconsider your use of the word ‘harmless’. Maybe it should be updated to ‘Mostly harmless’. ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/64 "2005-05-16T21:31:42Z")
> [@fessie](#): > > Correlation? Thanks. That instantly reminded me of why I dislike you so much. I’m 27 and have had two relationships, one of five years and one of three years. That is hardly a remarkably bad record. I would say that having had relationships longer than five years at 27 is rarer than not having had them. Also, if you truly believe that what keeps a relationship together is throwing the other person out of the bedroom when they say something stupid… well, I don’t think I need to finish that sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/65 "2005-05-16T21:44:24Z")
Way to bring down the room, **Price**. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/66 "2005-05-16T21:56:47Z")
> [@FinnAgain](#): > > I wonder why that would be… There should only be a difference of one chromosome… but I guess when we’re talking unicellular little tadpoles, a little bit o’ DNA goes a long way. 'cept there’s not much to a sperm except the chromosomes, if you know what I mean. That and the fun whippy tail. And the X chromosome is more than twice as big as the Y. > [@](#): > > And if you don’t, you can just swing by Jiffy Lube and they’ll swap it out for some new stuff and even top you off. 😃 Actually, the only known substitute (and it’s a pretty poor one) for cervical fluid is egg white. If you’re having fertility problems because you don’t produce good cervical fluid, the sperm can’t get through their journey wihout tiring out and dying. Sometimes - uh…inserting…egg white…before…uh…helps… (Which brings up another selling point for FAM: if you’re having trouble getting pregnant, FAM can help to pinpoint exactly where in your cycle things are going wrong: no good fluid? No ovulation? Short luteal phase? Once you and your doctor know, you’ll have a better idea of what to treat.) > [@](#): > > (On a serious note, I thought that vaginal mucus maintained a negative Ph so as to make ‘life’ hard for the little tadpoles. I obviously need to read more on this subject. Who knew screwin’ was this complicated?) The pH changes shortly before ovulation and becomes much more accomodating. The rest of the time, it’s acidic to prevent infection. Sperm killin’s just an interesting side effect, but damn well useless since there’s no egg to fertilize anyway. > [@](#): > > My condolences. Thanks, but it was by choice. It was a magickal thang. Built up a shitstorm of kundalini with that one, lemme tell ya! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/67 "2005-05-16T22:04:30Z")
I’ve always thought that whole “never go to bed angry” is a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes, it’s better to sleep on things, let your anger cool off, and THEN address what’s going on. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/68 "2005-05-16T22:08:57Z")
I disagree. But then, in 12 years we’ve never had any issues so difficult they couldn’t be resolved before bedtime, and have never once slept apart because of arguments. Just sayin. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/69 "2005-05-16T22:16:32Z")
Eh. I’ve had both sorts of relationships. I think it depends a lot on a) the two people in it If you and your SO fight fair, you probably don’t have to worry about it. But lots of people don’t know how. b) how reasonable they are at the end of the night. If it’s degenerated to name calling and fighting just for the sake of winning the argument, then some alone time probably isn’t a bad idea. Why continue to discuss something if neither of you are willing to see the other person’s perspective? Sleeping on the couch isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’d rather discuss an issue with someone who isn’t pissed off at me. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/70 "2005-05-16T22:19:56Z")
> [@Priceguy](#): > > Thanks. That instantly reminded me of why I dislike you so much. Wow, I amazed you’ve given me that much thought. You’re the one who phrased your statement regretfully; I didn’t label you, you did it to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/71 "2005-05-16T22:48:54Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’ve always thought that whole “never go to bed angry” is a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes, it’s better to sleep on things, let your anger cool off, and THEN address what’s going on. I _hate_ that piece of advice. I never hear it from people who have been married more than five years, I either hear it from newlywed friends or girlfriends who are engaged. My mom and dad? “Go to bed angry if you have to. Just don’t go to bed bitter.” They’ve been married 33 years. That’s what we live by - we’ve gone to bed angry plenty of times. There have been some nights I’ve wanted to push him out of the bed onto the floor in the middle of the night because he’s pissed me off so much. But I’m never _bitter_ - there’s a huge difference between that and angry. Even in our darkest hours, we never feel bitter towards one another. Funnily enough, we’ve been told by several friends that we have the strongest marriage of any of our friends because even though we argue all the time (and we do - I admit that - we argue a lot), we don’t argue maliciously. We just argue as a means of communication, and most of the time, we’re teasingly arguing. We’ve only been married nine months, but we’re pretty happy. I think the one thing we agree on is that “Never go to bed angry” is bullshit. E. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/72 "2005-05-16T23:14:33Z")
I’ve got to agree with the “never go to bed angry” advice being bullshit. Like someone said above, some things just can’t be resolved before bedtime. Sometimes you get pissed about an ongoing issue and you just need to cool off, no discussion needed, but it’s not gonna be before bedtime. I know I’m a much better communicator when I’ve had time to cool off and “come down” from my anger high. Before that, I’m just plain irrational. I’ll know the other person is making sense, but I just can’t accept it because I’m too damn angry. Sometimes it drives my S.O. nuts because he’ll know I’m pissed off but I won’t talk about it, not until I’ve cooled off. So I’d just as much go to bed and talk about it in the morning, when we’ve both cooled off and can discuss it in a rational manner. You’re not going to go to sleep all snuggly wuggly lovey every night, that’s just life. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/73 "2005-05-16T23:21:34Z")
Different methods work for different couples. For some the couch works, for others it doesn’t. Depends on the people in the relationship; no one way will work for everyone. To the OP: In case you didn’t catch the newsflash, you’re an asshole. Now that you know this for certain, apologies to your lady might be in order. If there is, indeed, a lady left to apologise to. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/74 "2005-05-16T23:25:27Z")
Well, the couch thing-I think whoever wants the other one OUT of the bed should just bite the bullet and sleep on the sofa. I wouldn’t kick my SO out of bed and make him sleep on the sofa-I’d do it myself. I think that’s only fair. ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2005, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/75 "2005-05-16T23:40:43Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I’ve got to agree with the “never go to bed angry” advice being bullshit. Like someone said above, some things just can’t be resolved before bedtime. Sometimes you get pissed about an ongoing issue and you just need to cool off, no discussion needed, but it’s not gonna be before bedtime. > > I know I’m a much better communicator when I’ve had time to cool off and “come down” from my anger high. Before that, I’m just plain irrational. I’ll know the other person is making sense, but I just can’t accept it because I’m too damn angry. Sometimes it drives my S.O. nuts because he’ll know I’m pissed off but I won’t talk about it, not until I’ve cooled off. So I’d just as much go to bed and talk about it in the morning, when we’ve both cooled off and can discuss it in a rational manner. > > You’re not going to go to sleep all snuggly wuggly lovey every night, that’s just life. Bingo. I’m another who needs a cooling-off period, and it’s not at all meant to be punitive to him, it’s just what I need for myself. There’s been a few times when I’ve slept in the guest room because I was too wound up to sleep in the same bed. I don’t force him to stay up and miss out on sleep so we can get the immediate issue resolved, when I know we can talk it out the next day. Sleeping on the couch or wherever doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed to failure. The OP is still a tool, though. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/76 "2005-05-17T00:02:37Z")
> [@Geobabe](#): > > Bingo. I’m another who needs a cooling-off period, and it’s not at all meant to be punitive to him, it’s just what I need for myself. There’s been a few times when I’ve slept in the guest room because I was too wound up to sleep in the same bed. I don’t force him to stay up and miss out on sleep so we can get the immediate issue resolved, when I know we can talk it out the next day. Sleeping on the couch or wherever doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is doomed to failure. According to a few of the girls on a board I’m on, it’s a recipe for divorce. :rolleyes: Whatever. There’s nothing wrong with going to bed angry - some issues can’t be resolved in thirty minutes, or two hours, or six hours. We had an argument in January that lasted for two weeks. I had to leave the room a few times, and I considered sleeping on the couch. (But I hate to sleep alone now - I’d rather sleep with him in the bed totally pissed off than sleep by myself - that’s just me.). But what matters is what works for _your_ relationship. I figure we’re still learning how to be married, and we’ve got to figure out what works for us. I love being married most of the time - a couple of times, I’ve wondered why ANYONE would want to do this. Most of the time, though, we’re happy. Even if we’re pissed off at each other. E. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/77 "2005-05-17T00:12:47Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’ve always thought that whole “never go to bed angry” is a bunch of bullshit. Completely agree. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/78 "2005-05-17T00:57:09Z")
We don’t go to sleep angry. I can’t go to sleep without making things at least right enough for the moment that we can cuddle, with my husband. That’s what works for us. It just upsets me too much\* if I’m still angry with him and trying to sleep. We’ve both slept on the couch, but not when we’re fighting, just when one of us has a cough or something that makes us too restless to sleep without disturbing the other. We’ve been married seven years and communication isn’t perfect but we’re muddling through OK. Just when you get one communication issue whacked on the head, the next one pops up. We took care of the part where he was reacting to me as if I had the same malicious intent as his ex. We’re working on some of the stuff my parents modeled. \*Disproportionate to any other issue we’re fighting over, any escalation of the argument, no matter what it’s about, to this level of drama really, really upsets me. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/79 "2005-05-17T01:15:16Z")
Regardless of the specific parameters for doing so, I think that figuring out how to handle anger and argue constructively is the most important key to making a relationship (esp. marriage) work. My Hubby and I have made tons of mistakes, some of them egregious; I’m just fortunate that we somehow stuck together despite them. Nowadays we really try to keep from getting to that escalation point **Idlewild** described, it’s certainly not something I want our kids to see. My parents had a no-fight marriage for 27 years. Then all of the fighting hit at once & the marriage was over (and the lawyers got all the money). **Priceguy** if I injured you in some way, I apologize. There was no malicious intent. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041/80 "2005-05-17T01:39:27Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I’ve always thought that whole “never go to bed angry” is a bunch of bullshit. Sometimes, it’s better to sleep on things, let your anger cool off, and THEN address what’s going on. That sounds mature to me. Though I can understand if one partner is angry(and a female) they aren’t going to be likely to be in the mood; and thats not blackmailing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abortion-issue-got-me-sleeping-on-the-couch/304041.md?page=5)