# About Persephone and Dex **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 7, 2003, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688 "2003-07-07T02:37:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/21 "2003-07-07T03:19:29Z")
I shall hold back my comments on this thread for I risk banning yet again. Let it be known that I disagree and we’ll leave it at that. \< spit \> ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/22 "2003-07-07T03:23:09Z")
Good lord, this looks like it’s gonna get ugly quick. Seeing as how **Persephone** has herself states that **Dex** does _not_ owe her an apology, and that she has “the utmost respect” for him, can everyone maybe just cool down a little bit here? Unclear facts and missed opportunities for communication contributed to an ugly little episode. Please try to keep that in mind as you post. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/23 "2003-07-07T03:24:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Is **Dexter** also apologizing for flaming in the original MPSIMS thread - a clear violation of board rules? \*\* No. Because he wasn’t, and **Ed** recognized that fact: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ed Zotti \* > **Dex was under no obligation to take this at face value. He said what a lot of people undoubtedly thought. His remarks were well within the realm of acceptable discourse on the SDMB. It is not a violation of our rules to post remarks critical of another user - all we require is that you be civil, or else take it to the Pit.** ---
**Author:** ![Meros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Meros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meros)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/24 "2003-07-07T03:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Drastic \* > \*\*The lesson I primarily take from this is to never, ever, pit anything seen in MPSIMS without making sure of massive popular support–unless one’s okay with the previous paragraph. > > Definitely a bad deal all around. \*\* I for one am inclined to disagree. I have seen similar sentiments expressed whenn the “victim” was not such a popular poster. In another SDMB-related sommunity there has been quite a bit of discussion in this matter and the things that have the most people upset are 1. **Dex** clearly violated the forum rules when he flamed **Persephone** within the original MPSIMs thread, an action which would get anyone else at the most banned and in the least a stern warning (I received one once myself for lashing at a troll) 2)There has seemed to be at least a little of “I apologize but I’m only saying that to shut you up” expressed. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/25 "2003-07-07T03:26:16Z")
I’m only dimly aware of these events and did not participate in the threads. While acknowledging Dexter’s main point of concern for the children and the emotional response, I can see how such a course of events is likely as not to be a way of seeking help, however unusual…and as a person with a history of depression I know that there, but for the grace of gods, go I… I wish you the best Persephone. That’s really all I wanted to say. ---
**Author:** ![Meros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Meros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meros)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/26 "2003-07-07T03:27:26Z")
I should have read **QED** post before finishing mine and mentioning things as bare fact. Inn any case though, the belief that a rule was violated (whether it was or not) was one of the core issues ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/27 "2003-07-07T03:35:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Meros \* > \*\* > > **Dex** clearly violated the forum rules when he flamed **Persephone** within the original MPSIMs thread, an action which would get anyone else at the most banned and in the least a stern warning (I received one once myself for lashing at a troll) > > \*\* The original quote is _Originally posted by CK Dexter Haven_ > [@](#): > > I’m sorry, I’m having trouble grasping this. You were out partying in NY, and the government’s child protective agencies took your children away because your house was so filthy and unkept and whatever else that it was not fit for children to be in? > > I mean, children live in rat-infested ghetto buildings with broken glass and uncleaned-up vomit, and the child protection agencies don’t get involved. How bad was this? And you didn’t notice?? > > I’m not sorry to hear of your troubles, I’m sorry to hear of your CHILDREN’s troubles. I’d consider that a flame. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/28 "2003-07-07T03:36:07Z")
**fluiddruid** said exactly what I was going to say – I think it would be a shame if mods and admins were unable to participate as fully as regular users. I personally thought it was obvious that **CK** was posting his own opinions and not those of the SDMB, and think he should have every right to do so in the future, as long as he adds a \ (which he should have done just to be clear). Just my two cents. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/29 "2003-07-07T03:36:46Z")
I’m not going to comment on the original situation. It’s over now. But I’m glad that the issue of mods/admins and “pittings” has been satisfactorily resolved. A RL friend of mine is a mod at a board that, for some time, had an ongoing flame war that wasn’t so bad until one of the other mods stepped right into the middle of it. It took them months to sort out that mess, and only after a number of the participants and the mod were banned. May I suggest, though, if there’s a subject that “we are not supposed to talk about until further notice,” that there is a sticky to that effect in the relevant forum? It would have saved at least three threads from being locked (and maybe one of our posters). ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/30 "2003-07-07T03:38:52Z")
Can we drop this!? (just asking) ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/31 "2003-07-07T03:47:01Z")
Techie, why post just to say you’re not going to post? What’s the point of that? My main problem with Dex was not his reaction per se, I admit I had a similer one when I heard the news: “Wow, if there’s a problem that serious, why is Cristi in NY?”, my problem with Dex is his seemingly burning need to get his shots in on Cristi. My reaction was similar to his, but I took the time to find out: a: Yes, the situation was serious, but it was being taken care of and: b: Cristi herself was appalled and determined not to let it happen again. The fact that Dex couldn’t be bothered to check with a _fellow moderator and friend who was very much involved in the situation helping Cristi, **which Dex knew** _, before popping off is one of the lapses in judgement I see here; the other being, as I mentioned before, the seemingly urgent desire to flame Cristi, especially when the thread that caused all of this was one saying “Wow, I had these problems and I would just like to thank the people who stepped up to help me work on solving them”. I hope Dex dosen’t have any friends or aquaintances who die owing him money - seeing him trying to get back what he’s owed from the widdow at the funeral won’t be a pretty sight. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/32 "2003-07-07T03:47:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*I’d consider that a flame. \*\* I wouldn’t. I would consider it a very good set of questions. The answers to which I would be interested **before** deciding whether it was appropriate to be congratulating the greater Doper community for helping to put the children back into this house. Now, I have a bit more personal knowledge of the people who did help and am more than willing to trust their judgement (and was out of town while this all happened). Had I been presented with nothing mroe than Persephone’s OP, I would have been very leery of just jumping in with a “good job guys!” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/33 "2003-07-07T03:50:57Z")
How is it your place to suggest we drop it? I’m with **hardygrrl** and **Meros**. ' **seph** wasn’t bragging about partying while her kids were in squalor. Far from it. In fact, not only would I consider that a flame, I’d also call it libel. ---
**Author:** ![DK2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aca169/32.png) [@DK2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DK2)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/34 "2003-07-07T03:52:19Z")
I think Dex did overreact and should have expressed his concern in a more sensitve matter to Persephone instead of ripping into her (espeacially since he didn’t even know all the facts at that time). I agree with Lobsang though that this matter should be dropped but I’m willing to bet 50 bucks that it will go on to at least 3 pages. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/35 "2003-07-07T03:54:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > **How is it your place to suggest we drop it?** Was this directed at me? I didn’t SUGGEST I REQUESTED. It is everyone’s place to ASK. In fact I considered adding an ‘i’m not worthy so please don’t take this as a demand’ but didn’t as I felt it was unnecesary (that no-one see it as a demand or ‘suggestion’) ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/36 "2003-07-07T03:57:30Z")
I know nothing of this situation… but since it seems to have been resolved… (I say “seems” because you can never tell what’s going on in just text messages and emails and such) Let’s just drop it! F\_X ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/37 "2003-07-07T03:59:03Z")
So now everyone is going to fight about whether they were right to fight about the whole thing in the first place? Sheesh. I’m sorry persephone had her problems, I’m glad folks on the SDMB were willing to step up and help her when she needed some help, I’m sorry Dex blasted and pitted her and got taken to task for it, I’m sorry that even though persephone said he didn’t need to apologize and he did anyway, apparently that’s not good enough to end the whole thing, and I’m sorry that people feel the need to keep dragging the same old muddy mess out to examine it yet again. I’m with Lobsang. ---
**Author:** ![techchick68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ea5d25/32.png) [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/38 "2003-07-07T04:02:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > Techie, why post just to say you’re not going to post? What’s the point of that? Because, I have been warned and speaking my mind over this situation will inevitably lead to my banning. Why I care, I don’t know, I guess because I have friends over here and I do care about them. However… I think that **Dex’s** words in this particular thread where a veiled attempt and while I agree with what **Zotti** said, **Dex’s** remarks about the subject, days upon days after and having a more detailed account of what **Persephone** told about her situation, it’s just dispicable. (sp) I am appalled and since I can’t call out a an admin I will leave it at that. \< spit \> ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/39 "2003-07-07T04:05:57Z")
First, **Ed** , thanks for starting this thread. I agree about staff not pitting posters; as a matter of fact I mentioned this to **UncleBeer** last week. I don’t think the problem was that anyone thought that **Dex** was posting as an adminstrator when he started the Pit thread. I think it was fairly obvious that he wasn’t. I think it’s that as an administrator, he’s presumably supposed to have the interests of the boards and the community here, and I think it would have only taken about 10 seconds of thought to realize how ugly things would get before either posting starting the pit thread. Also, **Dex** , your claim about speaking “the truth”, just harshly. In your MPSIMS post, quoted above, you’re comparing **Persephone** ’s home to “rat-infested ghetto buildings with broken glass and uncleaned-up vomit.” You’re sure you don’t want to back off from saying that you know “the truth” here? You don’t any more than I do. You weren’t there. On preview, I gotta agree with **Weirddave** as well. I also wondered what the hell was going on when I saw the MPSIMS OP, but I figured there was a lot going on that wasn’t in the OP, and since I knew **Persephone** IRL, I figured I wouldn’t jump to the obvious nasty conclusions. I figured someone might pit her, but I sure as hell didn’t think it would be an admin - one of the people who’s supposed to keep order around here. As for the “let’s drop it crowd” - I’m sure it will be droped eventually. But you see, the originally threads were locked a week ago, and some folks have been stewing, and want to vent their spleens a bit. Get it? Saying “Drop it” will only result it “don’t read the damn thread” posts. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688/40 "2003-07-07T04:06:10Z")
Thank you, **Ed,** for using your time to look into this matter. It is greatly appreciated. I knew when I posted the MPSIMS thread that I was opening myself up for a Pitting, and I’ve never denied that. I’ve accepted the responsibility for that one from the get-go. I’ve been a member of these boards for a long time. I know how these things work sometimes. And I have never objected to the Pitting itself. It was the manner in which it was done. And FTR, I’ve never thought that anyone other than **Dex** was speaking. A few point by points, now, to **Dex:** > [@](#): > > And I still find it incredible that people rushed to condemn me for speaking the truth, however harsh my phraseology. No one condemned you for speaking the truth. You were condemned for speaking without finding out what the truth was, when you had the resources available to you to do so. Had you spoken the truth, not one word of THIS thread would be happening. And I said the same thing in the original Pit thread. > [@](#): > > This is not without humor, however, since (a) her email address had not been updated in her registration, so I had no way of emailing her; and (b) when has it been a requirement to email someone before responding to them or Pitting them? I agree with one thing–my email addy had not been updated. However. You could have posted in the MPSIMS thread–“I’d like to email you, but your email hasn’t been updated.” Or you could have emailed **Euty** and asked for it. No, it’s not a requirement to email before a Pitting. But _you,_ as an admin, should have, out of simple respect to **Euty.** Not respect for me, but for him. > [@](#): > > I found it outrageous that people would think that group hugs are the appropriate reaction to child endangerment or abuse. No one hugged me for the bad stuff, **Dex.** They hugged me for facing my situation, dealing with it, and showing my friends how much I’ve appreciated everything they’ve done to assist me during this. Do not ever mention endangerment or abuse again. I have not been charged with any crime whatsoever, nor will I. My children may have had to stay in another location for a week, but they were never removed from my custody. And on that note…that is all I will say, on these boards, regarding my personal situation. Because this matter ceased to be about me quite a while ago. It’s about policy now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-persephone-and-dex/186688.md?page=3)