4 pages, and a lot of fine arguing done on all sides, but I still have the same opinions that I did from the word go.
I’m sorry Seph has had misfortune, glad it’s getting better, happy for her that she has true friends to help and think it was nice she wanted to acknowledge them.
Dex wasn’t out of line, had every right to question and even pit the OP, and mods/admins should have full posting privileges.
What’s surreal is that every time I open this thread it’s somewhat Suessian “Popular Persephone is poorly pitted.”
I would be immensely hurt and betrayed to be (seriously) pitted by people on this board I have the closest IRL/off-board relationships with (Hamish, Potter, scott evil, Andygirl, LaurAnge, for example).
I would be less hurt, but still quite significantly hurt, to be pitted with people I’ve met IRL (such as at Dopefests), or communicated extensively with on the Net, and who I consider friends.
Someone I know only on the boards, but have had many dealings with (long-time poster) - very irritated to amused, depending on the situation.
Relative newbie - rather irritated to amused.
I think it’s only natural. Who will you be more hurt by, if they spontaneously trash you? The guy down the hall at work, or your best friend?
Maybe I’m not getting the point, Matt. Who better to criticize one that someone one knows?
I know I wouldn’t take a pitting from some random poster all that seriously (and to the best of my knowledge I’ve never been pitted) but if say, Weirddave or RTFirefly did so I’d have to sit up and take notice.
Speaking only for myself, I’d feel oodles of much better if this thread went off into about eleventy-five tangents, one of which included flirting, jello, and the lost art of winking.
As it didn’t include full frontal nudity, much less a personal and permanent visit to my home by Ms Locklear, I’m satisfied I didn’t miss enough for me to regret it.
BTW, thanks for playing along. I know how Ed hates these tangents.
But, before Ed bans me for being a pain in the ass, an anecdote on making lemonade from somebody else’s lemons!
I mentioned what slobs my kids are. Real conversation:
“I have a friend whose kids had to go live with Grandma because her house was so messy.”
“I don’t want to go live with Grandma.”
“You’re 18. You aren’t going ANYWHERE.”
“So I’d have to stay and help clean up my sisters’ mess myself?”
I read the original MPSIMS thread a few times to make sure I wasn’t overeacting, and my original opinion remains…CKDH, poster, flamed another poster in MPSIMS. Yes, it happens occasionally. And when it does, the poster that does the flaming gets a well-deserved warning.
In the OP of the MPSIMS thread, Persephone accepted responsibility for the problem in her home and stated that she was determined to rectify the situation. She also stated that she did not blame the person who reported the situation, nor did she blame CPS…and that, in fact, she felt it was a much needed wakeup call. One which she was determined to listen to. That’s the way I read it, anyway. She was thanking some members of this community who were committed to HELPING her, and had ALREADY helped her, to achieve this goal.
It is my opinion that starting a pit thread to rake someone over the coals who has already admitted they were wrong and is making every attempt to rectify the problem is being a jerk. I don’t see any reason to change my opinion just because the person who started the thread is a person in authority in this community.
If something like this happened in my face-to-face life…say friend A did something wrong or appalling, then took responsibility for it and was attempting to correct whatever it was…and one day friend B ran into friend A at the mall and promptly told A at the top of his/her lungs that friend A is pond scum, I would feel that B was being a jerk. I would feel this VERY strongly.
I’m not saying that Dex or friend B ARE jerks…just that they were behaving like one. We ALL have moments of which we are less than proud. One would hope that after things cool down, a person might have the grace to admit that they let their emotions get away from them, and that they handled things badly. I have respect for someone who admits their mistakes and tries to make them right.
And yes, I know this thread is getting nicely hijacked, and I interrupted you…but I wanted to sleep on my reply first. Please, carry on in whatever direction you choose…Even though I know it won’t make a difference, I wanted to express my opininion.
Dear, you know how everybody on this board values you and your opinions, which are always well considered, deeply felt, and WELCOME. Please, never feel awkward about hijacking my hijacks.
I may be a recent register, but i have been reading The Dope for almost 5 years.
I am also a moderator in several other communities, and I know i’m kept to a higher standard. When we had a similar “pit” board in a (Now closed) community, a similar type of problem came up. But one change that came from it, and i think should happen here.
Mods and Admins on my old board were never allowed to pit a person themselves. They could pit the basterd that hit their car, but not somebody on the board. They could either wait for or ask somebody else to do it.
Forgive me if it sounds completely idiotic, But with much respect to the mods and admins of the SDMB, please take this suggestion into consideration.
I’d link you to my old board, but the domains been dead for years and archive.org never had it archived.
Yes, but in private. I’d feel absolutely humiliated, and angered that the person chose to tar me in front of a roomful of good acquaintances and strangers rather than discussing the issue with me personally. It would be as if they had written a letter to the editor denouncing me rather than taking it up with me in private.
Well, yes, in the same way I’d “notice” any vicious betrayal. Like I said, I’d take a Pitting from a long-time poster I wasn’t otherwise acquainted with more seriously than that from a newbie, but it wouldn’t hurt my feelings. From someone I considered a friend, it would be a different matter.
Yes, but your analogy implies that the person just came out in a room full of strangers, aired your dirty laundry, and proceeded to tar you for it.
You neglect to mention the crucial point: in this case, Persephone decided to air her own dirty laundry in a roomful of strangers. If you do that, you’re fair game.
You know, given that we seem to have so many people on these Boards now who have
a) met other Dopers face-to-face
and
b) admitted that they will treat those Dopers differently on the Boards
Maybe we need a thread where people can post a list of Dopers whom they like too much to flame. That way, we’ll know whether their support of a Doper in any given situation is based on the issue at hand, or is just part of an outright refusal to criticize a friend in public. Maybe we could even arrange the Boards into teams, so that all the people who know each other from Dopefests in, say, New York, can get into big battles with people who attend Dopefests in Chicago, or Dallas, or LA. We could have a whole league of intramural flamefests, with a trophy and everything. No rational discussion allowed–simply take a side based on who you know in person and who you don’t.
Irony? Yes. But also the reductio ad absurdum that could be derived from the attitudes of some members about this issue.
Yes, except that you can’t compare cruelty to animals with cruelty to human beings… Cruelty to animals is punishable by expulsion and shunning, right?
-Rav
Won’t work. Many of the NYC Dopers have been to fests in Chicago.**
I would like to know what the problem is with having friends and realizing we would rather not pull them into a public flamefest in their honor. Seems rather civilized to me. It’s where we don’t treat the people we DON’T know with the same courtesy that bothers me.
