# About your first name **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 11, 2024, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718 "2024-06-11T00:43:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/81 "2024-06-12T15:38:30Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > It used to really bug me when someone would read my name off the receipt and say “Thanks _my first name_”. I didn’t tell you my name! Your system looked up my name from my credit card and printed it on the receipt without asking me. Why do you think its ok to read this financial document and use my name ? You know, this is really sad. Some folks are so enmeshed in rage culture and recreational outrage they seem to find it everywhere. I know this is the SDMB, but come on. The sales associate did not personally dredge up your info and I’m sure they were coached to provide personal touches to patrons. It is your name after all. What’s wrong with using it? Any conventions about addressing strangers with or without using their first names are completely arbitrary and made up. I, for one appreciate, personal touches. Lord knows we could use more friendly people in the world. But you do you, shake you fist against the sky at the injustice of minimum wage folks trying brighten you day by actually addressing you as a person rather than another dollar for the corporation they work at. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/82 "2024-06-12T15:42:27Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > The sales associate did not personally dredge up your info and I’m sure they were coached to provide personal touches to patrons. To be clear I’m not really mad at the cashier in this situation (and would never treat them rudely because it). I’m aware they are just following instructions and did not personally decide to look up my name and use it. I stand by the fact that this is justifiably an intrusion of my privacy by the companies involved. It’s just become the norm as we deal with companies nowadays that we expect them to steal our data ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/83 "2024-06-12T15:53:34Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > It’s just become the norm as we deal with companies nowadays that we expect them to steal our data To consider your name ‘stolen data’ is odd, imho. You want the convenience of using a credit card, so apply for one giving them your personal info, but consider it ‘stealing’ if they employ it? ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/84 "2024-06-12T16:05:09Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > You want the convenience of using a credit card, so apply for one giving them your personal info, but consider it ‘stealing’ if they employ it? Yeah that’s how stealing data works. If I give you data for one purpose (confirming I’m the legal owner of this credit card) and you use it for another without my permission that’s theft of my data Yeah it’s a trivial example, and absolutely insignificant compared to some of the ways it’s been done in recent years, but it still bugs me. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/85 "2024-06-12T16:25:14Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > However, for many of us northerners doing so is offensively familiar or otherwise extremely uncomfortable. It really, really irritates me when someone does that, excuses it as being something Southern, but at that moment we are in the northern part of the country by hundreds of miles. There are situations where it is normal in the north - but they mostly involve the adult instructing the child to address them that way. For example a scout leader who wants to be addressed as Miss Kathy because she finds “Kathy” to be too familiar but “Mrs. Jones” too formal. I am generally a believer in addressing people the way they want to be addressed - the one exception is when someone wants to be called “Aunt” or “Uncle” when they are not in fact an aunt or uncle. You can be Mr/Ms first name or Mr/.Ms Last name or just First name or Cousin First name if that fits but I taught my kids to use aunt/uncle only for actual aunts and uncles. What I really didn’t understand about Miss First name was the number of people I have known in NYC who not only continued the use of Miss First name for people they met as adults but thought it was appropriate in all circumstances - I don’t care if you call your neighbor Miss Alexis even though you are an adult , but you shouldn’t be referring to your co-worker as Miss Nancy in written communication. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/86 "2024-06-12T17:10:08Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > However, explain to me why YOU are so resistant to addressing an old lady in manner she prefers? You _literally_ quoted that poster saying they will call you by your surname if you ask them to do so. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/87 "2024-06-12T17:17:43Z")
My first job after college was selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door. We were under orders to get the ~~mark’s~~ er, customer’s first name and work it into the conversation as often as possible. If they think you are their friend, you can screw them out of more money. Since then, I tend to be suspicious of people who demand instant intimacy. It tends to serve their interests more often than it serves mine. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/88 "2024-06-12T19:24:15Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > I tend to be suspicious of people who demand instant intimacy. It tends to serve their interests more often than it serves mine. ^ This. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/89 "2024-06-12T23:25:04Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > I tend to be suspicious of people who **demand** instant intimacy. It tends to serve their interests more often than it serves mine. (Emphasis mine) A salesperson saying, “Thank you, {first name}” as you leave the checkout stand is orders of magnitude different than a pushy door to door salesman trying to con you. Calling you the name that is printed on a receipt is not ‘demanding’ anything. Personally, I wouldn’t sell a product that, if purchased, equated to getting screwed. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/90 "2024-06-12T23:41:09Z")
Maybe not demanding, but pressuring. It’s presuming friendship, and pushing you to see them in the same way that you see people whom you are actually on a first-name basis with. It’s an effort to manipulate you into a loyalty or friendly feelings. Not, as you put it, the same order of magnitude, but definitely the same family of uncool social manipulation. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2024, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/91 "2024-06-12T23:44:02Z")
> [@Nayna](#): > > Anyway, that’s why I’m Kim at work, Kimberly at the Democratic volunteer office, Kim to high school friends, Kimberly at the gym. I had a coworker who changed from Cathy to Cathleen. It took a few years, but everybody eventually caught on without a lot of _sturm und drang._ I found it difficult at first and thought I’d always have a problem remembering the “right” way, but I didn’t. In fact, after not that long a time I had trouble thinking of her as Cathy at all. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/92 "2024-06-13T00:05:17Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I point to the woman in the hockey jersey and tell them that her name likely isn’t Mario, same deal here. How to say you’re near Pittsburgh without saying you’re near Pittsburgh. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/93 "2024-06-13T00:22:50Z")
> [@garygnu](#): > > Starting about five years ago, I decided to stick with the full version professionally and only use the short version with friends and family. I like this division, but it has caused confusion when my wife has interacted with my co-workers. Growing up, my brother was always called by the nickname of his firstname. When he started at the job he eventually retired from, he used the formal/long version and everyone called him by that. But my sister worked there, too, and when she went to work in his department through force of habit she used his nickname. I sometimes socialized with them and used his nickname, too. After a few years, everybody in his department started calling him by his nickname, as well. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/94 "2024-06-13T09:13:03Z")
> [@keeganst94](#): > > To be fair, I’m probably projecting too much from a number of very unpleasant retail experiences, where the…well more of a demand than a request, was inevitably delivered in the most condescending, contemptuous way possible. Well, yeah - first time around one must be tolerant. However, if I state “I prefer Ms. LastName” and someone insists on first name instead they’re being a rude jerk. We’ve all had the unpleasant experiences. I think most of us are venting a little here because we don’t express our frustration in actual social situations. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/95 "2024-06-13T09:16:23Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > A salesperson saying, “Thank you, {first name}” as you leave the checkout stand is orders of magnitude different than a pushy door to door salesman trying to con you. Calling you the name that is printed on a receipt is not ‘demanding’ anything. No, it’s the suits back in the corporate office who are making the demands. At work I do have a few customers where we’re on a first-name basis. A few. Demanding that the peons address customers by name is not the peon’s choice, it’s the corporation’s choice to attempt to generate a false intimacy. It’s like when the company (years ago) used to insist on calling customers “guests”. My argument against the practice was that I never charge actual guests for food or anything else when they visit. Not that my opinion ever carried any weight, whether as a customer or after I started working here. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/96 "2024-06-13T09:26:44Z")
> [@Nayna](#): > > I prefer my full first name (Kimberly), and that’s how I always introduce myself. That’s on documents I fill out. That’s on my credit cards. That’s what I write on nametags. Yet about 90% of the time, it gets shortened to Kim. I have the opposite problem. My first name is five letters and two syllables. It’s also a common shortened form of several longer names. So I get asked “what’s it short for?” It’s not shortened, that’s what it is. They want to add things to it. They ask “what’s your _full_ name?” Everyone in my mom’s family had elaborate multisyllablic names. Her reaction was to name all of her children with five letter, two syllable names. I’ve also had people get upset that I don’t have a middle name. Who knew names were such a minefield? ---
**Author:** ![Gordon\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Gordon\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gordon_G)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/97 "2024-06-13T09:42:17Z")
Much more annoying than being called by first name is when the stranger insists on changing it! “Hello, I am Charles Givens.” – “Hi Charley!” > [@Steve\_MB](#): > > There have been more than a couple times when the clerk will look up my reservation and say something like, “Well, we have a reservation for _Steven_…” and give me a look like I don’t know what my “real” name is. Details are beyond the scope, but my name is misspelled on my Driver’s License. I went to see a Doctor, and she believed the DL not me, practically insisting I bring my passport next time. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/98 "2024-06-13T12:17:52Z")
Medical insurance fraud where an uninsured person shows up pretending to be somebody else who does have medical insurance is a very big business these days. Lots of health care providers are very much under the gun to prevent that. Not only will the insurance company not pay out on a claim for service delivered to the wrong / fraudulent person, if it happens more than once or twice they may well eject that provider from their system and refuse all billings, even legit ones, going forward. Small time crooks and big time corporations are the two main reasons we can’t have nice things. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/99 "2024-06-13T13:05:29Z")
> [@Gordon\_G](#): > > Details are beyond the scope, but my name is misspelled on my Driver’s License. I went to see a Doctor, and she believed the DL not me, practically insisting I bring my passport next time. This is a serious problem that will continue to bite you until fixed, which I assume you already know. Not really fair to complain about those tripped up by your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2024, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718/100 "2024-06-13T16:03:30Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Small time crooks and big time corporations are the two main reasons we can’t have nice things. Well, that and the lack of socialized medicine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/about-your-first-name/1002718.md?page=6)