An “urge” isn’t a requirement.
For instance, I have a great body, I also have stuggled with food my whole life. When I tell people this they scoff and say “Oh come one you look great.”
It’s as if someone because I’m keeping my urge to eat everything is sight under control and winning that battle that it’s not as hard as someone who has an urge to eat everything in sight and does so.
Now I love food, I would weight 500 pound, because, let’s face it food is GOOD. But I’d be insane to give in to that urge and eat without any restriction.
Just because you’re in control of an urge doesn’t mean it’s not natural.
In nature a group of lions are sitting around minding their own business and an elephant comes into view. Elephants do not tolerate lions anywhere. The first thing the elephants do is run out the lions they see.
What’s a lion to do? He runs away. He’s not stupid. I’m sure he has the urge to fight for his ground but he’s not stupid enough to take on an elephant.
What the OP seems to be asking, at risk of putting words into his mouth is, if I can control the urge to cheat on my wife, then why can’t a homosexual control the urge to not have sex.
Now I’m a gay man and I have heard this argument my whole life, and it technically is true.
I simply don’t find women sexually appealing. Now I (guess) could have sex with a woman, but I wouldn’t find her attractive, I might even enjoy it. But I certainly wouldn’t be physically attracted to her.
I could spend my whole life having sex with women. But does that make me straight? No.
A sex act does NOT a homosexual make.
Homosexuality is really a self perception.
I know a guy who’s 46 years old. He insists he is bi-sexual. His last date and sexual experience with a woman was in high school. I say if you haven’t had any sex or dates with a woman in like 28 years then you are NOT bi-sexual but gay. But he’d insist otherwise. In fact if you gave him a lie detector test, he’d probably pass it, 'cause he really believes he IS bi-sexual.
I did some work for a major university and part of my job was to analyze and administer questions for surveys to gay men. We HAD to use the phrase, “I am a man who has sex with another man.”
You’d think that would solve issues? No, because everyone’s idea of sex is different. "We had to literally say “I am a man who (insert explicit name of sex act) with other men.”
The bottom line is whether you are actually lying to yourself or not. Like the alcoholic who says “I can stop anytime I want.” Some can, some cannot.
I read about singer Darren “Savage Garden” Hayes, who went into his marriage knowing very well he didn’t like women. But he said “At the time I figured I’d cope with it and eventually learn to adjust.” Well he didn’t. He said he had to go to his wife later on and say “I made some promises to you, I thought at the time, I could keep, but now I know I can’t keep and should’ve never made.”
In this case we have someone entering a marriage knowing fully well they are gay, but hoping it will get better. Not so far off, how many times do we find a woman was beaten up by her boyfriend but married him anyway, thinking “It’ll get better after we’re married.”
Since there is no way to accurately determain what is in a person’s head (hindsight is 20/20 and memories are notoriously convenient). You can’t say.
