# Abused kid goes on adventure in Faerie, wants to stay. Should she be allowed to? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538 "2014-05-15T17:51:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/21 "2014-05-15T21:54:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Does this mean you’ll tell the Prophet you’ll look into Emma’s problems (note: I don’t mean adopt her) yourself? If by “look into her problems” you mean suggest to certain people I know that her parents could use some “motivation” to change their behavior, then yes. I’ve got Rhymer Enterprises in my speed dial, and I’ll pay for the flaming monkeys. Otherwise, Emma is staying in Pangea to be adopted. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/22 "2014-05-15T22:01:30Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Cite? 😉 She wants to stay because of love. Maternal, perhaps, but that’s a valid kind of love. Procreation may not happen, but it may not happen here, either, so that one’s a wash for me. Plenty of people are happy without offspring- more than are happy with offspring, if anonymous surveys areto be believed. Romance and sex can happen without procreation. Even interspecies, if one isn’t too squicked out and the partners are sentient. That’s why I asked about rishartha – if there is a culturally accepted way she can have sex, that’s going a long way towards making the option workable. But if people of this world regard interspecies coupling as a non-starter, it would be a different outcome. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/23 "2014-05-15T22:56:09Z")
Given her heroic actions in the recent past, I think it’s reasonable to allow her choice to be given great weight. My only question is whether the Prophet can arrange for some convincing evidence of the crimes committed against Emma to be conveyed back to Earth, so that the perpetrators don’t get the chance to find another victim. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/24 "2014-05-15T23:25:35Z")
> [@Andy\_L](#): > > Given her heroic actions in the recent past, I think it’s reasonable to allow her choice to be given great weight. My only question is whether the Prophet can arrange for some convincing evidence of the crimes committed against Emma to be conveyed back to Earth, so that the perpetrators don’t get the chance to find another victim. Rhymer Enterprises doesn’t need evidence. Nor do they leave any. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/25 "2014-05-16T00:03:53Z")
I’d leave it up to Emma, but I’d also choose to stay in Pangaea as well, as a secondary guardian in case anything goes poorly with Aredhel. I don’t think I could leave a child, let alone the only person of her species, on the planet with clear conscious. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/26 "2014-05-16T00:25:12Z")
If someone is happier where she is, and faces distaste in her ‘proper’ place then she should stay. She should stay anyway if we allow people to go by their own decisions. Future problems will be dealt with as they arise. A slightly more nuanced view would examine whether we should ‘_allow_’ the damaged facing misery in real life to escape into a land of magic, faerie and unicorns by way of the Great Druggie Road. I would see no reason to change my answer. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/27 "2014-05-16T01:43:30Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > If someone is happier where she is, and faces distaste in her ‘proper’ place then she should stay. She should stay anyway if we allow people to go by their own decisions. Future problems will be dealt with as they arise. Ten year olds are not typically permitted to make long-term life decisions on their own. ---
**Author:** ![Claverhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Claverhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claverhouse)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/28 "2014-05-16T03:01:18Z")
I would submit that the decision of a ten-year-old to avoid going back for more to severe familial abuse — in the old days by scarpering — is superior to the decisions of courts who would return her there. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/29 "2014-05-16T03:03:17Z")
It depends. On the one hand, the magical land is clearly better than Emma’s own home, but . . . it’s not where she belongs. The point made above about how almost all children’s fantasy books end with the protagonists returning to reality is interesting; it’s all about leaving childhood behind and growing up, yet still holding onto the benefits. The best case scenario would be for the Prophet to arrange for Emma to be placed into a loving adoptive family back on Earth. There’s just so many ways letting her stay behind and sealing the barrier could go wrong. With that said, I’d _totally_ beg to stay. So I guess I’m just a hypocrite. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/30 "2014-05-16T03:36:07Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > I would submit that the decision of a ten-year-old to avoid going back for more to severe familial abuse — in the old days by scarpering — is superior to the decisions of courts who would return her there. Assuming arguendo that this is true, it’s not the choice we have. It’s my opinion that the Prophet is seeking, not the opinion of a court. There’s very little question that the right answer NOW, for her as a child, is to remain. But dragons live forever, not so little girls. She will grow up and become an adult. Can I recommend that she be exiled to world in which she is the only human? Not sure. The knowledge that she could find a romantic partner and live a fulfilling life in this world is key to this recommendation. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/31 "2014-05-16T06:18:10Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Ten year olds are not typically permitted to make long-term life decisions on their own. Ten year-olds are not typically responsible for saving two worlds. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/32 "2014-05-16T06:22:50Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Can I recommend that she be exiled to world in which she is the only human? I think you’re harping on this too much - it’s not like she’s going to live on the Planet of the Slug Monsters. She’ll be surrounded by _humanoids_, which is IMO enough. > [@](#): > > Not sure. The knowledge that she could find a romantic partner and live a fulfilling life in this world is key to this recommendation. I think you’re placing way too much emphasis on this than is necessary. Lots of people live happy lives without romance or partners. And as a (implicit) _multiple_-rape survivor, she may not want romance - ever. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/33 "2014-05-16T12:37:35Z")
OP-meddling question from me (per the usual): Is it possible for _Aredhel_ to return to Earth with Emma, instead? Perhaps with a heap of gold and a spell of you-don’t-need-to-see-my-papers (I think Mordenkainen wrote that one…or maybe that was Vecna’s Glamour of No Stinkin Badges)? Either with the object of somehow taking the _place_ of Emma’s scum mother, or just resettling in some out of the way country under new identities where no one’d ever bother looking for them. That way, y’know, Emma could get a fresh start in life, but still be able to go to a Mall or something, occasionally. Bah. Idle speculation on my part, sure to be slapped down. 'Might as well let her stay in Pangaea. 'Worse things than that—and better than [keeping quiet or having everyone think she’s crazy for seventy years.](http://xkcd.com/693/) ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/34 "2014-05-16T12:53:38Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Ten year-olds are not typically responsible for saving two worlds. That’s certainly true. If she were a piano prodigy, you could have replied by saying, “Ten year olds typically cannot play Stravinsky’s Petrushka Transcription flawlessly.” And I would have agreed with that, too. But I don’t agree that either piano playing or world-saving necessarily proves an ability to understand and weigh the future implications of the decision in front of her now. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/35 "2014-05-16T13:15:39Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Lots of people live happy lives without romance or partners. And as a (implicit) _multiple_-rape survivor, she may not want romance - ever. Lots of people – compared to the number of people in the world? No – I’d say only a tiny fraction of people lead happy lives without romance or partners. And while her past horror with rape certainly “may,” turn her off romance and/or sex forever, again it’s something that happens to a small minority of rape survivors. (Certainly many rape survivors have issues in the area, but ‘forever’ avoiding romance and/or sex is not a common outcome.) ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/36 "2014-05-16T13:51:27Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > That’s certainly true. > > If she were a piano prodigy, you could have replied by saying, “Ten year olds typically cannot play Stravinsky’s Petrushka Transcription flawlessly.” And I would have agreed with that, too. > > But I don’t agree that either piano playing or world-saving necessarily proves an ability to understand and weigh the future implications of the decision in front of her now. One of these things is not like the other - a month-long fantasy-type quest in another world says much, much more to me about someone’s maturity than their ability to do scales for hours at age 5. Once again, though, I’m interjecting my own gloss into Skald’s OP narrative - I’m _assuming_ the quest included monsters braved, riddles guessed, fears conquered, resolve tested etc, etc. The usual Grand Tour of Fantasyland. If it was just “ **Dibble** , get Emma to stand on the X outside the Godshome at the double eclipse. I’ll fly you both in and out. Meanwhile, kick back and enjoy the _miruvor_”, that’s different and I’d agree with you. But a LOTR-style quest? Naah, that’s not just tinkling the ivories. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/37 "2014-05-16T13:57:00Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Lots of people – compared to the number of people in the world? No – I’d say only a tiny fraction of people lead happy lives without romance or partners. I’d say the vast majority of the world, or at least a majority of the female half, lead lives without romance or _loving_ partners, yes. Sex, of course, comes to them whether they want it or no. Most of the world is more rural India than Manhattan. Romance isn’t really in the cards. > [@](#): > > And while her past horror with rape certainly “may,” turn her off romance and/or sex forever, again it’s something that happens to a small minority of rape survivors. (Certainly many rape survivors have issues in the area, but ‘forever’ avoiding romance and/or sex is not a common outcome.) I emphasised the “multiple” there, and at a very formative age. She’s not an _average_ rape survivor (I fervently hope.) I’m _not_ saying she may not want romance at some stage, but to make it a _priority_ over her happiness in other areas, like a loving home? For some future possibility? Against her express wishes? ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/38 "2014-05-16T14:51:29Z")
Trade Emma to Aredhel for a unicorn to take home. I was going to let Emma stay anyway and now – hey! – free unicorn! ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2014, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/39 "2014-05-16T16:16:44Z")
I abstain, it’s not my decision to make. I would secretly think she’s making the right choice to stay, but I would not even consider making the choice for her. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538/40 "2014-05-19T16:26:44Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Rhymer Enterprises doesn’t need evidence. Nor do they leave any. True enough, but while RhE’s no-toleration-of-rapists-and-child-molesters policy would result in the boyfriends’ getting fed to alligators (it would never occur to any RhE operative to spare them), the no-harming-female-noncombatants policy would mean the mother could escape harm simply by not picking up a weapon. > [@Jophiel](#): > > Trade Emma to Aredhel for a unicorn to take home. I was going to let Emma stay anyway and now – hey! – free unicorn! Unicorn – Western-style unicorns, anyway–are avatars of Christ. I doubt Pallas created or imported any when engineering Pangaea. 😉 > [@Rachellelogram](#): > > I abstain, it’s not my decision to make. I would secretly think she’s making the right choice to stay, but I would not even consider making the choice for her. The Prophet isn’t asking you to make the decision, though; she’s asking your advice, based on the fact that you have greater knowledge of your city’s social services and a more intimate knowledge of human nature than she can aspire too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abused-kid-goes-on-adventure-in-faerie-wants-to-stay-should-she-be-allowed-to/688538.md?page=3)