# Abusive relationships? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 4, 2012, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956 "2012-12-04T14:29:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/41 "2012-12-04T18:27:18Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Because she’s new here and doesn’t know the rules. But, you know, there actually is a remedy for that - reading the rules and reading threads for a while and getting a feel for this place. This may be unlikely to ever happen, given this important admission in [her other thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=674370) in this forum: > [@missyzilly](#): > > …I have the IQ of a pop tart. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/42 "2012-12-04T18:33:18Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > Do you beat your partners? Only at chess. And only two out of three of them! 😛 Getting serious now… Look, if you want a serious discussion on partner abuse, there are two other forums on it. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/43 "2012-12-04T18:38:13Z")
> [@Trans Fat Og](#): > > Only at chess. And only two out of three of them! > > 😛 > > Getting serious now… > > Look, if you want a serious discussion on partner abuse, there are two other forums on it. Okay, now, I’ve checked out the other thread, and some more of her comments here, so … _ **NM!** _ – And, missyzilly, that stands for “Never MIND!” ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/44 "2012-12-04T18:41:09Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > First time it happened to me I was caught off guard. I had been married close to 15 years and wife had recently taken up drinking, she became alcoholic amost overnight. Hit me over the head with a wine bottle when I was looking in the fridge. Like a dummy I put my arms around her and told her she needed to get rid of this anger somehow. About 10 assaults and 5 years later I put her over my knee, pulled down her pants and spanked her ass purple. I went to jail that night but charges were dropped and I moved out and got divorced. She got sober and we have remained close friends but nothing more. You spanked her?? ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/45 "2012-12-04T18:52:15Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > Why do you want me banned? You started this now you do not like it anymore? They’re not your ex-boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/46 "2012-12-04T19:00:29Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > This is a very real problem that is horrific to go through. I can not understand how you can think I want verbal abuse ??? I did not ask for physical abuse? It hurt. Yes, domestic abuse is a horrible problem. I don’t think anyone here will argue that. In order to get a discussion going on the topic, we need a little background from opening post. Something like " I was in this relationship for (x weeks or months) before the first incident", then some description of the relation prior to first incident, then a description of first incident, then the aftermath. Then you would tell us how you are behaving going forward and maybe offering a little advice for someone who may be in a similar situation. Such a discussion may be better suited for one of the other forums, but in the BBQ Pit you get to curse more and insult people. You don’t _have to_, but you can. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/47 "2012-12-04T19:23:58Z")
College GF started punching my arm whenever I said something she didn’t like. She thought it was OK since I was much bigger than her and she would put some zip into the punch. I told her a number of times that she could yell, swear, cry or whatever she wanted to do if she was pissed at me but punching was off the table. It didn’t seem to sink in. I then warned her 4 or five times that I don’t hit women, but I do hit them _back_. We were sitting on a couch and she was next to me sitting with one leg tucked under herself so she wasn’t in a very stable position. I said something about a cheerleader on TV being gorgeous so she hit me. I turned and cuffed her on the side of her head with about the same force that my dad used to cuff me upside the head for acting like a doofus. It wasn’t a hard strike but it was strong enough to demonstrate that I wasn’t being playful. Because of her sitting position the force knocked her over onto the couch. She cried, left my apartment and the next time I saw her I told her that I was angry at her for hitting me and angry at myself for using my hands against her. I suggested that we needed to get some time away from each other. We didn’t separate though and stayed together for another 8 months or so. She never hit me again and I never ever hit or threatened her again. I think our whole situation was less about domestic violence in that neither of us was throwing strikes at each other out of rage. She hit me because she truly believed that it was a harmless act. I hit her because I was too stupid to figure out a remedy to stop her. If she had bounced up off the couch and continued hitting me I was not at all prepared to hit her again and would probably either flee or try to hug her arms to her side. I had hoped that we both learned something from that. I haven’t raised a hand to any girlfriend since her and since I married haven’t even thought about hurting my wife. (OK little lie there. I’ve had the Ralph Kramdon thoughts now and then…to the moon, Alice) ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/48 "2012-12-04T19:31:38Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Np soap. Radio. Hah, hah, hah, hah! That’s hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2012, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/49 "2012-12-04T19:36:44Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > I was 18 he was my first boyfriend. Im not proud of this but he hit me and I snapped and beat the crap out of him. What are you some kind of pussy? The last 34 people that hit me I killed their asses. > [@missyzilly](#): > > Do you beat your partners? Do you still eat your own shit after each time you take a dump? I will be generous and say she’ll last until the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/50 "2012-12-05T00:16:29Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I threw a half filled jug of laundry soap at his back car window and cracked it. It told his parents a tree had fallen on it. Don’t mess with a man who has a talking car. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/51 "2012-12-05T01:02:21Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Don’t mess with a man who has a talking car. Her boyfried was Night Rider?! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/52 "2012-12-05T01:09:37Z")
Scrolling through this thread, about post 31 the _Rocky_ theme song started playing in my head. Thanks a lot! And the new girl is a dumbass. Neener neener neener! ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/53 "2012-12-05T01:24:26Z")
> [@missyzilly](#): > > you are not happy about this topic. Why do you say you are not happy about this topic? ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/54 "2012-12-05T01:57:49Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > Why do you say you are not happy about this topic? Tell me more about not happy about this topic. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/55 "2012-12-05T02:10:35Z")
> [@VunderBob](#): > > Sorry, Toots, this is The Pit. By definition, you come to this forum for a fight. > > If you don’t want a fight, ask a mod to move this thread elsewhere. Sometimes, people come to this forum to Pit someone they don’t like…and most of us agree. Pitting wife-beaters is pretty much a win. Who the hell’s gonna stand up for them? It isn’t always asking for a fight; certainly not “by definition.” That said, really weak Pittings generally get sneered at… My sister was in a physically abusive relationship. She divorced the clod. My mother was in a physically abusive relationship. She divorced the clod. I have some indirect evidence that my own personal rage might flare up into physical abuse…and so I don’t have a girlfriend. The nicest gift I can give them is just to be “a friend.” The friend zone. Much safer for all concerned: they don’t get bruises and I don’t go to jail. (And, yeah, I take tranquilizers, too…) Don’t taze me, bro’. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/56 "2012-12-05T02:18:06Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > You spanked her?? Well, she DID kind of: > [@](#): > > Hit me over the head with a wine bottle when I was looking in the fridge. Like a dummy I put my arms around her and told her she needed to get rid of this anger somehow. About 10 assaults and 5 years later… I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be spanked black and blue than have a wine bottle broken over my head. Unlike in the movies, it takes a LOT of strength to hit someone hard enough to actually break a bottle. (If I’m be whooshed, never mind. :smack:) ---
**Author:** ![Alpine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alpine/32/17813_2.png) [@Alpine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpine)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/57 "2012-12-05T02:20:23Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Tell me more about not happy about this topic. And how does not happy about this topic make you feel? (oh, wait…) ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/58 "2012-12-05T02:27:31Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > So, you’re a vandal and a liar! Sorry I meant to say HE told his parents a tree had fallen on it because he was too embarrassed to admit he pushed me out of his car which made me so mad I threw the jug at the car while he was driving away. Classy me did all of this on front of my dorm building. So dysfunctional. Also stupid me stayed with him for almost another year, and while he never got physical with me again (I think he was too scared too) we did yell and argue a ton. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/59 "2012-12-05T02:28:35Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > He lied, not her. She’s just a vandal. 🙂_Morning April_ Morning **Morgie**! ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956/60 "2012-12-05T02:34:52Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Don’t mess with a man who has a talking car. > [@zoid](#): > > Her boyfried was Night Rider?! :eek: Har har 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-relationships/642956.md?page=4)