# Abusive terms of endearment **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 31, 2013, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-terms-of-endearment/672739 "2013-10-31T10:19:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-terms-of-endearment/672739/21 "2013-11-03T17:50:44Z")
> [@Licentious\_Ectomorph](#): > > This is an ongoing source of contention between my partner and me. He doesn’t call me names, per se, but he routinely says insulting, belittling things to me and passes it off as “teasing” or “kidding.” He knows it upsets me, I’ve asked him countless times not to do it, but he persists because, according to him, a healthy relationship includes an element of “playful banter.” I counter that to my way of thinking, a healthy relationship means not saying shitty things to each other, but it falls on deaf ears. Am I being unreasonable? No, he’s the one being unreasonable by ignoring your feelings, and that is not good. It’s not playful banter if what he says is upsetting you. We all have things that we like to do in relationships, and then we meet someone and find they like different things (and actively dislike some things) and we alter our behaviour accordingly because we give our partner’s feelings equal consideration to our own. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-terms-of-endearment/672739/22 "2013-11-04T01:01:54Z")
Heh, mrAru and I will call each other butthead, or tell the other that the cat thinks they are a butthead and only loves them because they give out kitty treats. I think in 23 years of marriage we have had exactly 3 arguments - over which restaurant to go to. When we disagree about something, frequently we flip a coin to see which choice we end up with. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-terms-of-endearment/672739/23 "2013-11-04T01:52:05Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > Haven’t heard from his wife, and I do have friends who relate to each other in the most unusual ways. However, I believe that if he really were satisfied in their relationship he would not be fishing for validation on internet message boards. You haven’t seemed to have looked further into Dr Gottman or the 5 love languages. Instead you repeat that I’m looking for validation despite my insistence that I’m not - my reason for posting here is to get feedback - which may be negative. BTW I’m a fan of [nomoremrniceguy.com](http://nomoremrniceguy.com) and its book: [http://quotecorner.com/Robert-A.-Glover-quotes.html](http://quotecorner.com/Robert-A.-Glover-quotes.html) > [@](#): > > …The seeking of external validation is just one way in which Nice Guys frequently do the opposite of what works. By trying to please everyone, Nice Guys often end up pleasing no one - including themselves… So I’m trying to NOT seek validation… ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2013, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-terms-of-endearment/672739/24 "2013-11-04T16:16:36Z")
I had a boyfriend once who started calling me “Snapper.” I had no idea why. This went on for months until I mentioned to a co-worker that my boyfriend keeps calling me “Snapper” and I don’t know what that means. She looked horrified and said “I’d smack him for that!” I was like “Why? What?” She said “It’s a slang term…for a woman’s…” and she pointed downward. Yeah. Not so much a “term of endearment”, just him being a disrespectful jerk. We weren’t together long after that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/abusive-terms-of-endearment/672739.md?page=1)