# Acceptable reasons to not date someone **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2015, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457 "2015-10-12T18:24:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2015, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/21 "2015-10-12T22:07:10Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > After considering the question for myself and reading other members answers I really want to flip the question around. > > Are there any really **un** acceptable reasons to not date someone. It depends… If you say, hypothetically, for instance, “I refuse to date someone with 3rd-degree burn scars on his/her face,” or “My date must earn $500,000 a year,” you’ll run into scorn, but people still can’t \*control \*who you date. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2015, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/22 "2015-10-12T22:09:44Z")
You get in trouble when you give a reason. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2015, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/23 "2015-10-12T22:43:31Z")
I would never try to give someone a reason why I didn’t want to date them. I would just thank them for asking me and say no. If they pressed me, I’d say it wouldn’t be fair to you for me to accept a date as I’m not attracted to you. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2015, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/24 "2015-10-12T22:46:09Z")
Its obvious. If they have a house full of cats… ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/25 "2015-10-13T00:05:46Z")
Is two cats a house full? Because if it is… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/26 "2015-10-13T00:09:41Z")
An acceptable reason to not date someone is that you’re just not interested. ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/27 "2015-10-13T01:03:00Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Is two cats a house full? Because if it is… I think two cats is the minimum. They (most) seem to be happier living with other felines. Especially litter mates. They make very cool housemates. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/28 "2015-10-13T01:12:36Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > You don’t need a reason not to be interested. This. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/29 "2015-10-13T01:24:14Z")
I think… no, I am positive… that you are the most unattractive person I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of a personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/30 "2015-10-13T02:05:13Z")
It’s interesting seeing the responses here. I asked this because in the other two threads there seemed to be a multiple people who felt that having ‘dating dealbreakers’ like this was a Bad Thing. I was wondering if it was a ‘board opinion’ or just something that was popping up in those threads, looks like it’s just something a few people happened to do at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/31 "2015-10-13T06:20:43Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > This was a former coworker of mine. He was smart, funny, financially secure, and an all-around nice guy. But he had a very specific physical requirement for the kind of woman he wanted to date. And the city where he lived wasn’t exactly known for tall, willowy, supermodel-types. When he did find someone who met his rather stringent qualifications, it rarely lasted very long. So now he’s in his middle 50s and still looking. Maybe if he’d been less picky, he’d have found his soulmate in a different package. But it’s his life. I feel for him. How does one get “less picky”? I ask sincerely because I t’s something I really struggle with, to be honest. I suppose in my case it’s different (assuming about the coworker) because I’m happy with my life. It would be really nice to have someone special, but I’m ok if I don’t meet that right guy. I have been told I’m too picky and I agree (but not with the too part). I have tried dating guys that are a “different package” but I never ever feel anything for them. It’s not fair to them. I’m not asking for perfection, just perfect for me. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/32 "2015-10-13T07:12:22Z")
Obviously anyone can not-date anyone else for any reason at all. But it’s worth bearing in mind that people are very bad at determining traits that would make a good romantic match in a partner. That’s one reason that Tinder works well for many people: you don’t agonise so much over their cats and political leanings. Just go on a date and see if you _like_ each other, and then decide if the cats are a problem. Case in point: I have two friends on the dating market. One has elaborate theories about what he wants in a partner, even a casual partner. He has some sort of snobby tag line meant to ward off people he thinks aren’t clever enough, when in fact it probably mostly wards off nice people who think he sounds like a prat. The other guy just dates anyone who seems nice. Who do you think has a better time of it? Guy 2 recently said to me: “I had no idea the world was so full of really pretty, intelligent and cool women.” Seriously, actually said that. So yeah, have whatever preferences you like. You don’t have to like anyone. But consider that maybe your stated preferences don’t line up with what would actually make a good romantic match for you. You might not be the best judge. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 9:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/33 "2015-10-13T09:55:21Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > He has some sort of snobby tag line meant to ward off people he thinks aren’t clever enough, when in fact it probably mostly wards off nice people who think he sounds like a prat. What is it? ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/34 "2015-10-13T11:00:34Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > What is it? I can’t remember, it’s just a a string of unnecessarily long words to say: “I’m insecure and try to fence with intelligence to compensate.” - that’s all I remember of it. It’s nothing spectacular, I think it includes something about him being a grammar nazi. He actually said he put it there to discourage anybody who wasn’t _clever enough_. (I should say though, he is a lovely person. Don’t judge on one little thing.) I’d find out what it was, only I don’t know how. I mean, I’d have to ask and he knows what I think of it so that would be awkward! :o ---
**Author:** ![TheSpeculationElucidation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@TheSpeculationElucidation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheSpeculationElucidation)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/35 "2015-10-13T11:05:42Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > The more interesting question is did your standards of who you would date change before and after your first LTR? > OR > Did your standards of who you would date change before and after you first lived with someone? I agree that you don’t have to explain to anyone why you’re not interested. You’re not obligated to give people your time - you don’t owe anyone anything. I didn’t KNOW this until after messing up a few times. My standards DEFINITELY changed after my first (and second, and third) LTR, and living with partners. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/36 "2015-10-13T11:51:57Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > You don’t need a reason not to be interested. True, but documenting an acceptable reason (and having it notarized) may be a help in defending any future litigation. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/37 "2015-10-13T11:55:28Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I think… no, I am positive… that you are the most unattractive person I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of a personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick. Happy First Anniversary ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/38 "2015-10-13T12:00:09Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. _No, no, they can’t take that away from me!_ ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/39 "2015-10-13T13:38:25Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > One has elaborate theories about what he wants in a partner, even a casual partner. He has some sort of snobby tag line meant to ward off people he thinks aren’t clever enough, when in fact it probably mostly wards off nice people who think he sounds like a prat. > [@OleOneEye](#): > > What is it? Hehe. I found the profile of a girl on OKCupid a few years back. It was your friend’s profile on steroids. Apparently tired of guys taking the “shotgun approach” and messaging everything with a heartbeat within driving distance, she had made her profile both prickly and intellectually snobby. I can’t remember every single thing on her profile, but I distinctly remember her answers to two of the profile questions: **Six Things I Could Never Do Without:** Um…let’s say Maslow’s Hierarchy, and you can make up whatever you want for the last one. **You Should Message Me If:** Actually, you probably shouldn’t. The rest of her profile was similarly unfriendly. Something in my brain said _“Challenge accepted.”_ This December will be our fifth wedding anniversary, seven total years together. If her profile helped mute the background noise long enough for me to find her, then well done, I say. 😉 . ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2015, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457/40 "2015-10-13T13:55:12Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > This December will be our fifth wedding anniversary, seven total years together. If her profile helped mute the background noise long enough for me to find her, then well done, I say. 😉 Ha! That’s lovely. 🙂 And, yes, absolutely well done her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/acceptable-reasons-to-not-date-someone/734457.md?page=3)