# Accidental Outings **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 11, 2017, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730 "2017-06-11T22:29:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/21 "2017-06-13T14:06:16Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > I don’t agree. If you’re a doctor and you write a book on skin conditions, and you do speaking engagements on how to recognise the early signs of various conditions, you still have the right to be annoyed when people buttonhole you privately and ask if you’ll take a look at their mole. Not the same thing. The “same thing” would be more like if someone said they believed skin conditions were caused by the stars being aligned incorrectly and wanted to engage you in a discussion about their alternative medical ideas. In your hypothetical, the OP would have to have complained about someone says: Hey, I’m genderqueer, too. Wanna hook up for some wild-ass sex right now in the host’s bathroom? ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/22 "2017-06-13T14:19:02Z")
Reported ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/23 "2017-06-13T14:25:28Z")
My ass isn’t particularly wild, actually, and I’ve never understood the appeal of getting it on in a bathroom. Cold tile, hard porcelain, the overwhelming likelihood that someone else is gonna want to make more conventional use of the room… I have to confess I’m not following either of you folks on the skin-condition analogy. I think it’s more like Betty Rollin writing _First, You Cry_ about going through the experience of having cancer. She wrote it because although lots of people suffered through the expeirence, there hadn’t been much in the way of 1st person accounts about what you go through. Now suppose she’s at a party and she’s not ashamed of having written the book but whenever it comes up and folks ask questons, suddenly she’s discussing cancer and what it’s like to be a cancer patient, and it’s very personal and it’s also not exactly light happy party fare if you see what I mean, so maybe she feels like a potential wet blanket. But it’s also not something you can really talk about lightly either, not easily at any rate. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/24 "2017-06-13T14:38:19Z")
**cornflakes** , posting “reported” in most cases can be considered Jr. Modding. While it’s useful for spam or other technical issues, in general it’s best to just report the concerning post and let the mods deal with it. > [@cornflakes](#): > > Reported ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/25 "2017-06-13T15:00:58Z")
My apologies. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/26 "2017-06-13T15:38:14Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > My ass isn’t particularly wild, actually, and I’ve never understood the appeal of getting it on in a bathroom. Cold tile, hard porcelain, the overwhelming likelihood that someone else is gonna want to make more conventional use of the room… > > I have to confess I’m not following either of you folks on the skin-condition analogy. I think it’s more like Betty Rollin writing _First, You Cry_ about going through the experience of having cancer. She wrote it because although lots of people suffered through the expeirence, there hadn’t been much in the way of 1st person accounts about what you go through. Now suppose she’s at a party and she’s not ashamed of having written the book but whenever it comes up and folks ask questons, suddenly she’s discussing cancer and what it’s like to be a cancer patient, and it’s very personal and it’s also not exactly light happy party fare if you see what I mean, so maybe she feels like a potential wet blanket. But it’s also not something you can really talk about lightly either, not easily at any rate. Betty needs to learn how to talk about her book so that it doesn’t put a damper on the party. And if she feels awkward talking about it, maybe she shouldn’t bring it up unless someone asks first. And it would help for Betty to realize that when most people ask “What’s your book about?”, they aren’t looking for a heart-wrenching exposition. They just want to know the broad strokes. A response like “I wrote a memoir” is 100% acceptable and gives satisfactory information to the polite inquirer. If the more probing inquirer isn’t satisfied, you have the option to provide another succinct response (“It lays out my outlook regarding gender identity.”) or you can be coy (“Maybe if I keep you in suspense, you’ll run to the store and buy it!”) ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/27 "2017-06-13T15:42:04Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Betty needs to learn how to talk about her book so that it doesn’t put a damper on the party. And if she feels awkward talking about it, maybe she shouldn’t bring it up unless someone asks first. And it would help for Betty to realize that when most people ask “What’s your book about?”, they aren’t looking for a heart-wrenching exposition. They just want to know the broad strokes. A response like “I wrote a memoir” is 100% acceptable and gives satisfactory information to the polite inquirer. If the more probing inquirer isn’t satisfied, you have the option to provide another succinct response (“It lays out my outlook regarding gender identity.”) or you can be coy (“Maybe if I keep you in suspense, you’ll run to the store and buy it!”) That’s it, and said much better than I would have. Thanks. I may have mentioned this before, but you are a very skilled writer. One of the best on this MB. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/28 "2017-06-13T15:54:17Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > That’s it, and said much better than I would have. Thanks. > > I may have mentioned this before, but you are a very skilled writer. One of the best on this MB. What a nice compliment! Thank you, **John**! ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/29 "2017-06-13T16:15:10Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > That’s it, and said much better than I would have. Thanks. > > I may have mentioned this before, but you are a very skilled writer. One of the best on this MB. I agree. Monstro’s posts are always worth a read, even when I am not interested in the subject matter. ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/30 "2017-06-13T16:20:32Z")
nt ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/31 "2017-06-13T16:33:56Z")
Yeah, and it ( **monstro’s** comments above) is good advice. As I said, I’ll get better at this with practice. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2017, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730/32 "2017-06-13T17:45:06Z")
Just wear the skirt to your book readings, signings, lectures etc and it will provide an excellent springboard for conversation and you can explain your gender queer perspective. Be prepared however to differentiate your orientation from that of a garden variety transvestite (ie wears women’s clothes but is heterosexual) which will be an assumption many people will make about you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/accidental-outings/788730.md?page=1)