# Ace's Apology **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 8, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400 "2003-04-08T21:26:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/21 "2003-04-08T22:03:14Z")
I beg to differ, **Scylla**. These are merely challenges to diplomacy. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > -I just boinked your mom. I thought you should know that your mother and I are involved, in an intimate way. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable. > [@](#): > > -You are not going on to the next round of American Idol Despite your obvious talent and prowess, I’m afraid that you won’t be moving on to the next round of our show. We’d very much like to encourage you to continue in your pursuit of show business success. > [@](#): > > -While you were sleeping I put my genitals on your face, took a picture and posted it at your work’s website. In the interest of full disclosure, I feel that it’s necessary for me to tell you that, unfortunately, I succumbed to a rather juvenile urge recently. It seems that I found you sleeping at one point, and couldn’t restrain myself; I gave in to the overwhelming urge to put my genitals on your face. Seeing that this momentous opportunity might never repeat itself, I decided to immortalize the occasion by taking a picture. And then, in a surge of generosity, I decided to share the event with the world via the internet. Specifically, the website for your corporation. I hope they appreciate it as much as I did. > [@](#): > > -I saw you eat that booger Perhaps you should consider consuming your bodily secretia in a more private setting. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/22 "2003-04-08T22:08:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\*-I just boinked your mom. > \*\* Dad? > [@](#): > > **-You are not going on to the next round of American Idol** We regret to inform you that your current submission does not meet our current need. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. > [@](#): > > \*\*-I saw you eat that booger \*\* Psst. Hey, buddy. I’m afraid I saw you being rather indiscreet with the contents of your nostril. You might want to be more careful about that in the future. > [@](#): > > **-While you were sleeping I put my genitals on your face, took a picture and posted it at your work’s website.** Dad?? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/23 "2003-04-08T22:11:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ace of Swords \* > \*\*The Deuce of Swords. \*\* You’ve never said truer words. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/24 "2003-04-08T22:13:21Z")
Mr.visible: Ok, now I’m pissed. Try this one: -I am now lighting the fuse on a firecracker I’ve stuck in your ass. or this: -Now that the paralytic drug I’ve slipped you has taken effect you will be forced to remain there motionless while my savage sloths rend the flesh from your bones. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/25 "2003-04-08T22:17:50Z")
**Ace** : Here’s a stepladder. Use it to get the fuck over yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/26 "2003-04-08T22:17:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Mr.visible: > > Ok, now I’m pissed. Try this one: > -I am now lighting the fuse on a firecracker I’ve stuck in your ass. \*\* I regret to inform you that some experiments I’m performing in recombinant rectal fulmination may temporarily cause you some inconvienience. I apologize for any anal discomfort you may experience. > [@](#): > > \*\* > -Now that the paralytic drug I’ve slipped you has taken effect you will be forced to remain there motionless while my savage sloths rend the flesh from your bones. \*\* Did you know that savage sloths are an endangered species? As I _know_ you’re an animal lover, I’m sure you’ll be glad to hear how you’re about to help with their continued survival… Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/27 "2003-04-08T22:17:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Ace of Swords \* > \*\*They aren’t the same thread, or even similar. They are related. > > I mean my apology honestly. I apologize for those things and the sarcastic tone that remains. One can’t turn around on a dime, one can only change for the better day by day. > > I needed to get my apology off my chest today, not later, or tomorrow. \*\* So, the apology was really for you in the end. See. if it was for others, then you would not be focused on getting it off your chest, but waiting instead for the one(s) you are apologizing to be receptive. It’s all still selfish self-aggrandizing behaviour from you. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/28 "2003-04-08T22:18:32Z")
Damn. Mr. Visible snuck in while I was working on my post. Good job Mr. V. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/29 "2003-04-08T22:20:05Z")
-My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die! ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/30 "2003-04-08T22:23:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*Mr.visible: > > Ok, now I’m pissed. Try this one:\*\* > -I am now lighting the fuse on a firecracker I’ve stuck in your ass. Perhaps you’ve noticed a certain amount of rectal discomfort recently. I assure you, the cause of that is about to be quickly and decisively removed. > [@](#): > > -Now that the paralytic drug I’ve slipped you has taken effect you will be forced to remain there motionless while my savage sloths rend the flesh from your bones. In an effort to ensure your comfort and relaxation, we’ve taken the liberty of administering a drug that will allow you to remain in this particular position indefinitely. Meanwhile, we thought you might enjoy interacting with some of our specially imported wildlife. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/31 "2003-04-08T22:38:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*-My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die! \*\* Didja ever wonder if the six-fingered man from _The Princess Bride_ was related to the one-armed man from _The Fugitive_? ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/32 "2003-04-08T22:42:07Z")
And by the way: to all onlookers. This is the second fucked up apology in so many weeks we’ve seen on the SDMB. This needs to stop. Let ol’ Unca Fenris give anyone confused by the concept of an apology a quick lesson: An apology is **NOT** :[ul] [li]An excuse to repeat the original offense.[/li][li]The proper time and place to justify your grievances[/li][li]A good chance to get in a few cheap shots at other people[/li][li]A place to add all sorts of wenie qualifiers (“_IF_ I said something that _some_ people might be hurt by…”)[/li][/ul] The easiest apology is three sentences long and fits most occasions: “I’m sorry for what I did. I’m ashamed that I did so. I wll not do it again and I hope you forgive me.” It sort of loses something when repeated over and over for the same offense, but still. Three little sentences. Remember, with apologies, longer is _worse_ not better. Three short steps: Admit to wrongdoing. Acknowlege the harm you’ve caused. Ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again. It ain’t all that hard folks and will get a whole lot better reception from everyone than the sort of turgid attempts at desperate self-justification we’ve been getting. Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/33 "2003-04-08T22:44:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*-My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die! \*\* Dear Count Rugen. Remember that incident with an unpaied debt regarding a certain custom-built sword a few years back? I’m afraid I’m here to collect. ---
**Author:** ![Zenham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a5b964/32.png) [@Zenham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenham)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/34 "2003-04-08T22:49:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Trion \* > \*\*Damn. Mr. Visible snuck in while I was working on my post. Good job Mr. V. \*\* Ah, but your “Dad?” joke made me laugh for three minutes straight. Then I laughed for a minute gay, but it didn’t feel natural, so I went back and laughed for a couple more minutes straight to make sure. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/35 "2003-04-08T22:50:30Z")
Reading Ace’s OPs is kinda like when you go to the zoo, and you visit the monkey house, and you notice they’re playing with their own shit, throwing it around like baseballs. Mildly amusing, but mostly revolting. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/36 "2003-04-08T22:58:25Z")
I believe that this has been noted by another poster, but I think it it’s worth mentioning again that while **Ace** has been extremely vocal in his support of **Joe\_Cool** and **Jersey Diamond** , they have not bothered to chime in their reciprocal support for **Ace**. I guess there is, after all, no honor among villains. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/37 "2003-04-08T22:59:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*Funny this should come up – we were just discussing you (ergo, causing things to come up). > > Please indicate whether you are an idiot or an asshole so that we may continue our dicussion. \*\* I’ve decided that I no longer care, either way. Y’all can go on with the discussion, but it’s about to become moot, 'cause I’m agonna mute him. Lynn ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/38 "2003-04-08T23:15:17Z")
\< Foghorn Leghorn \> Heh. “Moot”/“Mute”. That’s a witty! \< /Foghorn Leghorn \> ---
**Author:** ![Aslan\_of\_Narnia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Aslan\_of\_Narnia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aslan_of_Narnia)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/39 "2003-04-08T23:15:35Z")
God damn it, I had a thread written up, which the server ate, and then I came back and found he’s been banned and the thread locked. :mad: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2003, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400/40 "2003-04-08T23:40:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > **Y’all can go on with the discussion, but it’s about to become moot, 'cause I’m agonna mute him.** \ Thank the Maker! \ Seriously, thanks. A more self-absorbed snot I don’t think I’ve ever seen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aces-apology/167400.md?page=3)