# ACK!! I've been bitten by a radioactive lizard!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [June 12, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373 "2003-06-12T17:04:02Z")
**Posts on this page:** 17
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/21 "2003-06-13T14:50:21Z")
Ok, its been two days since the “incident” with the radioactive lizard. The wound is healing nicely and no superpowers have manifested yet. However, I do have a very strong urge to dig an underground lair.
Mwa ha ha ha
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### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/22 "2003-06-13T15:00:01Z")
“dammit, \*\* Encinitas, \*\* you left your tail in the kitchen Again. That’s the Third Time This Year! One of these days, it isn’t going to grow back, you know…”
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/23 "2003-06-13T15:01:03Z")
You guys have _outdoor lizards_? I’m sooo jealous. We just have outdoor polar bears, and they’re not particularly local. OTOH, if you survive a wrestle-and-bite with a polar bear, you _definitely_ have some sort of superpower…
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### Author:  [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/24 "2003-06-13T15:01:48Z")
“He’s at the the 50, the 40, the 30…He’s dodging tackles with the Dexterity of a Lizard…”
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### Author:  [@Einmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Einmon)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/25 "2003-06-13T15:16:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Sunspace \*
> \*\*You guys have _outdoor lizards_? I’m sooo jealous. We just have outdoor polar bears, and they’re not particularly local. OTOH, if you survive a wrestle-and-bite with a polar bear, you _definitely_ have some sort of superpower… \*\*
It’s Polar Bear Man vs. Evil Lizard Woman!!
Watch them go at each other!
See the Giant Paw of Doom[sup]TM[/sup] face the Humongous Tail of Destruction[sup]TM[/sup]!!
Get yer tickets now!!!
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### Author:  [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/26 "2003-06-13T16:42:53Z")
Man, here in Michigan we don’t get polar bears or lizards. Just squirrels. Lots of squirrels. Nobody wants squirrel superpowers. As Squirrelman, I could, um, shade myself with my big bushy tail and…scamper threateningly at villains. _sigh_
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### Author:  [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/27 "2003-06-13T16:54:25Z")
My buddy did a “Slow Loris Man” comic strip. The first one was a woman in distress, the next twenty was him trying to get to her.
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### Author:  [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/28 "2003-06-13T17:04:11Z")
Lizard Man, Lizard Man
Does whatever a Lizard can
Eat up bugs, all the time
Pointy bumps, along his spine
Look out! Here comes the Lizard Man.
Sorry, Lizard Woman just doesn’t work.
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### Author:  [@Electronic\_Chaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electronic_Chaos)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/29 "2003-06-13T17:10:40Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \*
> \*\*
> On a more realistic note, treat this bite as septic, & a potential threat of serious infection. Iodine, bandages & peroxide _at least_. a visit to the MD is better. \*\*
I agree, I recently had a friend pass away from an infected (non-poisonus) spider bite. ☹
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/30 "2003-06-13T17:16:41Z")
The main problem with squirrel superpowers is that they’d drive you nuts after a while. 😃
While both polar bears and grizzly bears are towering mountains of ursoid menace, and can deploy paws loaded with ten-centimetre Scimitars of Death[sup]TM[/sup] capable of Disemboweling A Moose Or Other Large Hoofed Mammal At A Single Swipe[sup]SM[/sup], polar bears are simply Much Cooler, and hence get all the media exposure and product placements. 🆒
[sub]And brown bears? They’re much too déclassé to be worthy of notice.[/sub]
Plus, polar bears already have a Fortress of Inaccessibility. The only way to Polar Bear Provincial Park in my home province is to fly, basically because the park is on the edge of the Hudson Sea, which is surrounded by a swamp the size of France, which, when not frozen into Desolate Tundra Wastes, features mosquitoes the size of chihuahuas that have been known to carry off dogs and small children.
So, let the Polar Powers reign! The Furry White Paws of Doom will be able to take anything you Southern Lizards can dish out. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/31 "2003-06-13T18:16:48Z")
Oh man. Being cold-blooded is really going to be a disadvantage when I go up against Polar Bear Man, especially on his home turf (uh…tundra). If only I’d been bit by a Gila Monster, then one of my superpowers would be the Poisonous Venom of Doom[sup]TM[/sup]. First I distract the bear with my amazing Detachable Tail of Wonderment[sup]TM[/sup] then I give him a little nip and watch the necrosis begin! A nice polar bear rug would look good in my underground lair. He he he
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### Author:  [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/32 "2003-06-13T20:13:56Z")
Ya know **Sunspace** , you are doing zippo to fight ignorance about our Fair City. 😉
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/33 "2003-06-13T20:36:35Z")
What do you mean? Check the map! Polar Bear Provincial Park is there, and if you look at the climate zones, the treeline (and hence the tundra) does run south of Hudson’s Bay (which I think should be renamed to the Hudson Sea), and I _did_ say the polar bears weren’t _local_. Except for the ones in the Toronto Zoo. As for the mosquitoes, we _know_ what they’re like.
Everything I said is true. Sort of.
Hey, at least I didn’t mention the snow snakes!
[sub]Oops.[/sub]
😃
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/34 "2003-06-13T20:41:10Z")
And by looking at my atlas, the swamps in the Hudson Bay Lowlands do appear to cover the same area as France, although they’re more spread out…
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### Author:  [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/35 "2003-06-13T20:43:10Z")
Snow snakes? Did I mention that I fear no reptiles?
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### Author:  [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/36 "2003-06-13T20:53:29Z")
**Encinitas** , without even seeing it, I’d be willing to bet that you were bitten by a[southern alligator lizard](http://www.wildherps.com/species/E.multicarinata.html) (warning: link contains lizard porn). It’s just about the only lizard likely to be found in any residential area of San Diego county that is (a) slow enough to catch easily, (b) vicious enough to bite and hold on, and © toothy enough to break the skin when it does so.
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### Author:  [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)
#### Post date: [June 13, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-ive-been-bitten-by-a-radioactive-lizard/181373/37 "2003-06-13T22:21:58Z")
**Biffy** , that’s the little devil alright. Thanks for the link. Do you suppose it was _Elgaria multicarinata webbii_ (San Diego subspecies?) So now you all know what I will be looking like when my metamorphosis is complete.
Ooooo…a fly. Yum!
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