# ACK! They got Maynard! (Tool is over) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 6, 2005, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052 "2005-04-06T16:21:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/21 "2005-04-06T19:23:55Z")
Eventually, Maynard will go over to Henry Rollins and Greg Graffin’s houses, and after his visit, they’ll find large green seed pods hidden in their bedrooms. . . ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/22 "2005-04-06T19:33:47Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > Still, though. I need to see some proof that dark tormented _rock and roll_ can be produced by Christians Trouble and Megadeth. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/23 "2005-04-06T19:50:31Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Trouble and Megadeth. But wasn’t Megadeth pretty much over by the time Mustaine converted? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/24 "2005-04-06T19:55:25Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > But wasn’t Megadeth pretty much over by the time Mustaine converted? No, his OD was before _Countdown to Extinction_ (1992) and some of his lyrics on that album definitely have Christian themes. They did break up for a couple years, but they’re back together now. 2004’s _The System Has Failed_ is probably their best album since Countdown. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/25 "2005-04-06T20:51:56Z")
I don’t particularly like him, so it doesn’t matter to me. Well, actually, the idea of him making saccharine, second-rate Jesus pop is hiliarious, so I kind of hope he does. But, really, his music won’t necessarily worsen. I doubt his career is going to go like you predict. It’s not like a conversion means a loss of depth. Look at Johnny Cash- you might not like him, but his religion didn’t make his lyrics shallow It seems like people in metal bands have an unusually high rate of conversion, particularly those who sing about spiritual things. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/26 "2005-04-06T20:59:45Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Tori Amos, you’re next! Tori’s neither dark nor tormented these days. ---
**Author:** ![ninetypercent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@ninetypercent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninetypercent)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/27 "2005-04-06T21:46:45Z")
Lateralus had some definite religious undertones. Lyrics from “The Patient” : > [@](#): > > "A groan of tedium escapes me, > Startling the fearful. > Is this a test? It has to be, > Otherwise I can’t go on. > Draining patience, drain vitality. > This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act’s a little old. > > … > > If there were no rewards to reap, > No loving embrace to see me through > This tedious path I’ve chosen here, > I certainly would’ve walked away by now. > Gonna wait it out." > > Parabola: > We barely remember who or what came before this precious moment, > We are choosing to be here right now. Hold on, stay inside > This holy reality, this holy experience. > Choosing to be here in > > This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in > This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal > All this pain is an illusion. > > Alive, I > > In this holy reality, in this holy experience. Choosing to be here in > > This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in > This body, this body holding me, feeling eternal > All this pain is an illusion. > > Twirling round with this familiar parable. > Spinning, weaving round each new experience. > Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing. > > This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. > Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. > All this pain is an illusion." 'Course, it seems as much influenced by myticism as Christianity. You can’t really trust what Maynard says; he’s a pretty sardonic character, going by the interviews I’ve read. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/28 "2005-04-06T22:17:59Z")
Well, this is the worst news I culd hear. I’m gonna need verification. Troops? Let’s get to Googling! First person that finds corroborative evidence. . . hell, gets the next Tool album on me. If Maynard didn’t really go to the Xians and another album is released, of course. Go. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/29 "2005-04-06T22:22:31Z")
Awwwwwww. Crap. From this site, posted March 31, 2005: > [@](#): > > " REMEMBER, DON”T KILL THE MESSENGER > > You know the old saying, “no news is good news”, well… that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasn’t Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasn’t there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isn’t. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, here’s exactly what I was told: “Maynard has found Jesus.” This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I don’t know what the f\*\*k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl… that’s all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who don’t read the whole post), here’s today’s news: Maynard has found Jesus… " May I request a moment of silence for the death of another little piece of rock and roll? This is worse than Dimebag’s death. :: walks away, slumped over, kicking’ cans :: ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/30 "2005-04-06T22:31:08Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > I look forward to her cover of “You Light Up My Life.” She probably already went there in her Lounge Lizard days. Too bad about Maynard. He seemed like such a thoughtful guy. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/31 "2005-04-06T22:52:11Z")
> [@ninetypercent](#): > > 'Course, it seems as much influenced by myticism as Christianity. You can’t really trust what Maynard says; he’s a pretty sardonic character, going by the interviews I’ve read. It seems as much influenced by 14 year old scribblings on the back of a Tech Drawing folder, too: those have to be some of the worst lyrics I’ve ever read. Tool were great around the time of Opiate {still the best “annoying the neighbours” album ever} and Undertow, but they lost me once they turned into the heavy metal Yes. Why all the Christian bashing, in this thread, anyway? I’m not a Christian, but saying that someone’s conversion is worse than a musician’s onstage murder is pretty rough. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/32 "2005-04-06T23:01:40Z")
Calm down, people. It’s not like turning Christian is going to suck all his talent away. (Assuming he had any to begin with, which is a seperate debate.) He’s likely still going to be making music, and I’ll bet it’ll still be pretty dark. He did, after all, convert to a religion that holds as central to its belief system that God was, at one point, tortured to death in just about the most brutal manner possible. Forget that fluffy bunny Sunday school shit: Christianity is pretty hard core. Don’t forget, [Jesus is f’ing metal!](http://www.thinkgeek.com/pennyarcade/swag/6fc1/) ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/33 "2005-04-06T23:02:17Z")
I’d like to clarify that what’s sad to me is that there will be, assuming the rumor is true, no more Tool, no more A Perfect Circle. I couldn’t care any less if the reason he stops performing is because he wants to worship Christ or become a goat herder in Northern Akrotiri. ---
**Author:** ![audiobottle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/34 "2005-04-06T23:22:30Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Why all the Christian bashing, in this thread, anyway? I’m not a Christian, but saying that someone’s conversion is worse than a musician’s onstage murder is pretty rough. I’ve got to agree with this. I’m saddened that most likely Maynard’s conversion will mean no more Tool, but honestly, isn’t our disappointment a little outweighed by the chance that Maynard may have found some peace? Regardless of if your own opinions on his belief, if he’s happier for it now isn’t this a good thing? Time will only tell if it’s a temporary thing or if it lasts, but a little support of him couldn’t hurt. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/35 "2005-04-06T23:26:10Z")
If I may quote a passage written by Maynard himself … > [@](#): > > you’re such an inspiration for ways that i will never ever choose to be. > oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you. > Fuck your god. > he did this, took all you had and left you this way. > still you pray, never stray, never taste of the fruit. never thought to question why. > it’s not like you killed someone. > it’s not like you drove a hateful spear into his side. > praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed. > he did it all for you. I won’t believe this until I see an official statement from the band that it’s over. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/36 "2005-04-06T23:30:01Z")
“Judith” was off an album released in what, 2000? That was five years ago. I agree, this could be an elaborate ruse, and I wouldn’t put it past them. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2005, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/37 "2005-04-06T23:36:11Z")
This thread isn’t abput Christian-bashing–I’d be just as bummed if Maynard had become a Hasidic Jew or a Republican–art and dogmatic ideology do not play well together. ---
**Author:** ![ninetypercent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@ninetypercent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninetypercent)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/38 "2005-04-07T00:03:43Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > It seems as much influenced by 14 year old scribblings on the back of a Tech Drawing folder, too: those have to be some of the worst lyrics I’ve ever read. Tool were great around the time of Opiate {still the best “annoying the neighbours” album ever} and Undertow, but they lost me once they turned into the heavy metal Yes. Why all the Christian bashing, in this thread, anyway? I’m not a Christian, but saying that someone’s conversion is worse than a musician’s onstage murder is pretty rough. Yeah, but he makes it sound damn good. ---
**Author:** ![Floyd13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@Floyd13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floyd13)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/39 "2005-04-07T03:09:30Z")
What in the holy hell fuck is going on? Maynard?!?!? It can’t be, I will not believe that he has found jeebus. I mean, what is Trent next? NIN, Tool and APC is all we’ve got left folks. I cannot take 2 more off that list. I never thought either of these guys would go to the dark side, but I guess the world really is ending. I blame Bush for this. ---
**Author:** ![Floyd13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@Floyd13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Floyd13)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052/40 "2005-04-07T03:31:39Z")
Fuck me sideways with the Pope’s fancy hat. > [@toolshed.down.net](#): > > [04/01/05] - Completely unexpected > > I have no idea how to introduce this, so I’ll just post it. This is an email Maynard (the real one) sent in moments ago: > > “hi, kabir. i thought it only fair to inform you first, before you hear it second or third hand. some recent events have led me to the rediscovery of jesus. tool will need to take the back seat. this may come as a shock. i just thought you should know considering all the support you given us over the years. > all my faith. maynard.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ack-they-got-maynard-tool-is-over/298052.md?page=3)