# Adapt a Shakespearean play for the screen in the worst possible way. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2015, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912 "2015-08-03T19:19:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/61 "2015-08-05T15:44:02Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > _Titus Andronicus_ as performed by the casts of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New York City. I was going to suggest an animated _Rugrats_ version of _Titus Andronicus_, directed by Quentin Tarantino. Toddlers performing rape, mutilation and cannibalism - what’s not to like? > [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > “I bear a charmed life, which must not yield to one of woman born!” > “You – You get that I’m an _eagle,_ right?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/62 "2015-08-05T16:34:58Z")
_King Lear_ set in Deadwood, SD, with Al Learengen dividing his empire among his three favorite whores based on who can most “convince him” of their love. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/63 "2015-08-05T21:25:56Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > **Taming of the _Shroom._** Hee. Taming of the Shmoo ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/64 "2015-08-05T21:45:29Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > _The Comedy of Errors_, played as a serious, po-faced work. With sombre music. Everybody’s hair is some kind of rigid plastic appliance for no real reason. Sounds sad. If anyone offers to play you their copy of\* The Comedy of Errors \*by the Flying Karamazov Brothers, watch it. It is completely hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/65 "2015-08-05T21:51:53Z")
_A Midsummer Night’s Scream_. Titania falls in love with somebody in the “Scream” mask. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/66 "2015-08-06T02:28:27Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Hee. > > Taming of the Shmoo That’s even better! > [@Yllaria](#): > > If anyone offers to play you their copy of\* The Comedy of Errors \*by the Flying Karamazov Brothers, watch it. It is completely hilarious. I think I’ve seen that one, and high school me called it the best Shakespeare performance I’d ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/67 "2015-08-06T03:50:38Z")
> [@Dendarii\_Dame](#): > > _A Midsummer Night’s Scream_. > > Titania falls in love with somebody in the “Scream” mask. _Twelfth Night_, but the entire cast is wearing Guy Fawkes masks. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/68 "2015-08-06T17:26:19Z")
> [@foolsguinea](#): > > That’s even better! > > I think I’ve seen that one, and high school me called it the best Shakespeare performance I’d ever seen. Oh, it holds up well. We were taking juggling classes when it aired and the teacher announced when it would be showing and encouraged us to tape it. We wore that VHS tape out over the years. ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/69 "2015-08-06T17:52:50Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Will Statler and Waldorf heckle from their box seats? Couldn’t they stand in as the witches? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/70 "2015-08-06T17:54:55Z")
> [@DiggitCamara](#): > > Couldn’t they stand in as the witches? No! I already have Dr. Teeth and his band as the witches. ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/71 "2015-08-06T17:57:00Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > No! > > I already have Dr. Teeth and his band as the witches. C’mon! The band could never be ominous. Neither could Statler and Waldorf but they could comment on the proceedings… kind of like a greek chorus, but sarcastic. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/72 "2015-08-06T18:06:00Z")
Statler: By the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way comes. Waldorf: You see MacBeth? Statler: No, I smell him! Yeah, that works for me. We can save Dr. Teeth and the band for the Players when we do _Muppets take Denmark_. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/73 "2015-08-06T19:29:05Z")
“Ron Funches IS _Macbeth_…”. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/74 "2015-08-06T20:21:16Z")
> [@j666](#): > > You and Miller should finish casting and start looking for funding. We still need a Macbeth. I think we need to go off the Muppet Show reservation a bit and cast Bert. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/75 "2015-08-06T21:05:46Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > _King Lear_ set in Deadwood, SD, with Al Learengen dividing his empire among his three favorite whores based on who can most “convince him” of their love. I’d love to see that. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/76 "2015-08-06T21:18:11Z")
> [@DiggitCamara](#): > > C’mon! The band could never be ominous. > > Neither could Statler and Waldorf but they could comment on the proceedings… kind of like a greek chorus, but sarcastic. You can put them in Midsummer Night’s Dream which has lines for hecklers already. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/77 "2015-08-06T21:19:40Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > _Titus Andronicus_ as performed by the casts of Jersey Shore and The Real Housewives of New York City. _Titus Andronicus_ with zombies - where the revelation of what’s for dinner is the inspiration of a parteee! Also makes the losing body parts scenes work much better. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/78 "2015-08-06T21:30:19Z")
Juliet sends out for pizza, and young Romeo appears under her balcony to deliver it. Whoops, Juliet can’t find her purse, and she has to find SOME other way of paying for the pizza (chicka chicka wow wow…). ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/79 "2015-08-06T21:32:11Z")
“Hello. My name is Hamlet. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2015, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912/80 "2015-08-06T21:37:56Z")
Inspector Macduff enters. "Pardon me, are you the Thane of Cawdor? Boy, let me tell you my wife is a big fan. She talks about you all the time. Anyway, I won’t keep you long, sir. Just a few routine questions. So, uh, you say you heard King Duncan screaming just past midnight?" Macbeth: “Aye.” Macdufff: "Okay, okay… only. Gosh, I hate to be picky. Macbeth: “No, what is it Inspector?” Macduff: "Well, sir, it’s just that if you heard the king screaming after midnight, shouldn’t he have been asleep? But there are still candles on in his room. Why do you suppose that is, sir? Macbeth: “Oh… well, this isn’t known to many people, but you see, King Duncan was afraid of the dark, and always kept lit candles around him as he slept.” Macduff (smacks own head): Ah… that would explain it. Thank you so much, sorry to have bothered you. Bye now. Macbeth: Not at all, glad to help. Macduff: Oh wait, now, see my wife, she always tells me I ask too many stupid questions, but… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adapt-a-shakespearean-play-for-the-screen-in-the-worst-possible-way/726912.md?page=5)