# Adding a "Pronouns" custom user field? Good idea, or the worst idea? **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [October 10, 2022, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025 "2022-10-10T18:00:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2022, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/81 "2022-10-12T14:57:30Z")
You are correct, as is @thorny_locust , a really dumb thing said deliberately. Now is the time to experiment while not the time to commit to a particular model. I do think the sensible approach is to allow ‘they/them/their’ as the only alternate pronouns, and in business correspondence use ‘they/them/their’ exclusively. Those are already grammatically established. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2022, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/82 "2022-10-12T16:18:10Z")
I think it’s a good idea for a forum like this one. Not for me, so much - I have a gendered username and avatar that matches my real life gender, but a lot of posters have ambiguous usernames or even usernames and avatars that don’t match their preferred genders. I see it as convenience, not as a political statements, much as I saw it when my doctors office would ask for preferred pronouns on their intake sheet. A lot of people had unusual or foreign names, and it wasn’t always possible to discern gender from outward appearance, especially when the person checking in was wearing cold weather outerwear. I didn’t see as a political statement but as a convenience, a way to keep the staff from inadvertently misgendering patients. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2022, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/83 "2022-10-13T03:16:05Z")
In which case, just leave the space blank. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2022, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/84 "2022-10-24T16:56:06Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > Can I just say that I’ve never see anyone stigmatized or treated as transphobic for not entering their pronouns in an optional field. > [@BigT](#): > > people who refuse to do it are often transphobic Well BigT apparently assumes that you are if you don’t, right here in this thread. 🤷 ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/85 "2022-10-27T05:23:57Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > It’s hard to tell my gender (I’m a “he”) from my name or avatar, so I put “Mr. Atama” in my profile. Clearly I’m in favor of including pronouns. Not even for political reasons, or solidarity with people who have non-traditional pronouns (though I guess those too), but just because it’s convenient. That is my thought as well. With most user names being ambiguous (if not told otherwise I would have guessed that puzzlegal was a male who worked in the legal profession) its nice to know how to refer to people if they have a preference. Basically I see this as a optional way for members who so desire to communicate their gender identity to those members who are interested. I suspect that many will leave it blank but that it wouldn’t be so much for transphobic reasons as it would be due to laziness in not having updated their profile or desiring privacy. I think a couple or rules could be added to prevent any difficulties. 1. No user should be hassled for their listed pronoun preference (so long as its not insulting) or lack thereof. so “none”, “vi” “they” etc. are OK but “attack helicopter” not so much. 2. It should not be assumed that users have read your profile. So if someone misgenders you accidentally, and you haven’t explicitly stated your preferred pronoun in a post that that person has read you can’t complain. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/86 "2022-10-27T11:29:09Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > > [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > > > Can I just say that I’ve never see anyone stigmatized or treated as transphobic for not entering their pronouns in an optional field. > > > [@BigT](#): > > > > people who refuse to do it are often transphobic > > Well BigT apparently assumes that you are if you don’t, right here in this thread. 🤷 Very well-stated, but I’d draw a distinction between “neglect to enter their pronouns” and “refuse to enter their pronouns”. The problem of course comes in when you (any you) see someone else’s blank pronouns and have to decide if you think they neglected or refused. As implicitly and very usefully pointed out by @Buck_Godot’s two points above. In any scenario where WAG 10% of the populace is actively to vehemently pro-whatever and WAG 10% of the populace is actively to vehemently anti-whatever, it’s hard for the mostly disinterested 80% in the middle to find a spot to stand that’s not taking heat from one or both sides. Humans are contentious critters. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/87 "2022-10-27T13:15:35Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Very well-stated, but I’d draw a distinction between “neglect to enter their pronouns” and “refuse to enter their pronouns”. Yeah. If this board adds the option to board profiles - a feature which hardly anybody bothers with - continuing to not bother with it isn’t the same thing as “refusing.” ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/88 "2022-10-27T14:24:04Z")
Why not just make the board gender neutral? After all responses refer to the post not the poster. My avatar is not gendered and my posts may appear masculine, feminine or neutral. Any response references the post, not me. Personal abuse and badgering can be flagged and judged by the mods. I find singular use of the plural pronoun ‘they’ condescending. Akin to the imperial ‘we’. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/89 "2022-10-27T14:39:36Z")
> [@Crane](#): > > Why not just make the board gender neutral? > … > I find singular use of the plural pronoun ‘they’ condescending. Akin to the imperial ‘we’. I find these two statements in opposition. How do we make the board gender-neutral without an agreed gender-neutral pronoun? While simultaneously you as proponent of this quite sensible notion are rejecting as unsuitable the closest thing English ever had or has to a widely-agreed gender-neutral second person singular? I personally share your misgivings about singular “they”. I use it, but I wince a bit every time. Not over its gender-neutrality which is fine w me. But over its jarring feel versus some better, but not as yet widely agreed unambiguous word for the concept. ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/90 "2022-10-27T14:42:39Z")
Perhaps I used the wrong term. I meant to imply that all gendered pronouns be made acceptable because they refer to the tone of the post rather than the gender of the poster. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/91 "2022-10-27T15:02:42Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > While simultaneously you as proponent of this quite sensible notion are rejecting as unsuitable the closest thing English ever had or has to a widely-agreed gender-neutral second person singular? I think you mean _third_ person singular. Modern English already replaced its second person singular forms with its second person plural object form. What was “thou, thee, thy, ye, you, your” is now “you, you, your, you, you, your”. If the language can survive that, it can survive plural forms in third person. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/92 "2022-10-27T15:50:27Z")
> [@Crane](#): > > I meant to imply that all gendered pronouns be made acceptable because they refer to the tone of the post rather than the gender of the poster. So the freedom to misgender anybody whenever I want? No thanks. I’m not even going to get into the idea that a post’s ‘tone’ might have a gender. ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/93 "2022-10-27T16:09:08Z")
No misgendering is implied, because the actual gender of the person is unknown. Your response is simply to the post, the pronouns are irrelevant. The goal here is communication not branding. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/94 "2022-10-27T16:26:07Z")
Pretty sure that’s a nonstarter. ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/95 "2022-10-27T16:35:42Z")
Agreed, and I withdraw before I get banned again. ---
**Author:** ![crowmanyclouds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crowmanyclouds/32/19884_2.png) [@crowmanyclouds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crowmanyclouds)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/96 "2022-10-27T20:50:35Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I’m not even going to get into the idea that a post’s ‘tone’ might have a gender. What? What could possibly go wrong with; **Poster A** : Why did you call me “she”? **Poster B** : 'Cause you post like a woman! Yeah, no new problems there! ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2022, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/97 "2022-10-27T22:44:38Z")
> [@crowmanyclouds](#): > > What? What could possibly go wrong with; > **Poster A** : Why did you call me “she”? > **Poster B** : 'Cause you post like a woman! That’s not even a far-fetched hypothetical. > [@Atamasama](#): > > Here’s why I care about my pronouns. For some reason I get mistaken as female on anonymous message boards. I don’t know why, and it doesn’t bother me, I’m actually flattered. It has happened here, it happens sometimes on Wikipedia, I believe it has happened on a few other forums. While it doesn’t bother me, I can’t speak for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2022, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/98 "2022-10-28T04:32:18Z")
And it doesn’t bother me if you think I’m a guy. (But I’m definitely not a lawyer.) If we have a pronoun field, i may leave it blank. But there are lots of people who DO care, and a pronoun field is helpful to them. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2022, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/99 "2022-10-28T11:48:32Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > For some reason I get mistaken as female on anonymous message boards. I don’t know why, and it doesn’t bother me, I’m actually flattered. I distinctly remember clicking on your profile at one point and noting the “Mr Atama” there as contrary to what I’d expected. I think it’s because my brain insists on seeing some combination of “ma’am” and “mama” in your user name. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2022, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025/100 "2022-10-28T13:54:19Z")
> [@Johnny\_Bravo](#): > > I think it’s because my brain insists on seeing some combination of “ma’am” and “mama” in your user name. Haha, understood. 🙂 Also maybe the name ending in “a” is feminine in some languages. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adding-a-pronouns-custom-user-field-good-idea-or-the-worst-idea/973025.md?page=6)