usually you can tell the difference between a parent who is at his/her wit’s end, and one who is just an oblivious fool.
I get what you’re saying. But if the parents didn’t want to have dinner WITH their children (including conversation of child appropriate topics), why did they bring them in the first place? If they want an adult night out with adult conversation, maybe leave the kids at home to eat pizza with a babysitter.
Mine are now young adults.
Depends on the restaurant. We did take them to tableservice restaurants when they were young - TGI Fridays on “kids eat free night” was a favorite - if you are complaining about that, I’m not feeling sorry for you. Mine were pretty well behaved, but its kids eat free night at a restaurant with a $12 steak, you are going to get kids who aren’t.
As they got older, they dined out in nicer and nicer places - and were well behaved. But to get them there, you have to start with something were they can’t run through tubes with fries in their hands the moment they get antsy - hence TGI Fridays Kids Eat Free nights.
They’ve now eaten in some of the nicest places in town.
I will say that its difficult to tell with 100% accuracy when a kid who is normally well behaved might decide to act out. We had an amazing meltdown with a normally well behaved four year old once. I was mortified.
It’s a far deeper and more dynamic issue than you realize, StraightTalk.
Some parents are to the manner born teammates who know the true name of God. A small percentage of them are graced with old-soul babies whose manners would make Queen Elizabeth appear more like Mama June. This thread is not about them.
For the rest of us, parenting runs along the lines of, “You’re what?” Oh, ok then, time to be an adult. Now where did I put my Adulting book. Shoot, there ain’t no book! Better do some online resear…Oh, lookathat! A babby already! Sure is noisy in here all of a sudden and why am I so damned sleepy and what’s that more bills and [entire career drama] and [entire readjusting to the person your spouse is becoming as they adjust to parenting and their own work drama], etc. In an attempt to regain some of the connection to the pre-child relationship, a pre-child activity (going out for dinner) is attempted and StraightTalk takes a muffin to the jowl. Meanwhile, the brain of a small child is all “what’s this? what’s it do? what’s this? what’s it do? what’s this? what’s it do? what’s this? what’s it do?” and unless the answer to “what’s it do” is occasionally “Ah! It brings upon me the smiting hand of mom/dad!” the curious investigation of the world proceeds until such time as the brain is done building the introspection and empathy annexes and those, in turn, are brought online with the overbudget and overdue frontal lobes. Shortly after which, and frequently just before which, the one-time muffin hurler is also faced with vexatious spawn of its own. For, oh yes, this is the road evolution has put us on: we are biologically capable and driven to make babby while we are not yet wise enough to dread life nor see past the cute. Otherwise let’s face it–there would be no babby.
Besides, if the kid makes enough of a distraction you can just feign frustration and grab them up and take them outside. The staff will just think [del]discipline[/del] good parenting is about to happen. Meanwhile, you, the missus, and babby are driving home after a free dinner to Find Nemo. Sukkahs!
Have you tried to find a babysitter? Have you tried to pay for a babysitter?
When people hear how old my daughter is, if they have young children, the first question they ask is “do you babysit” and “what are your rates.” Sitters are a rare and expensive commodity.
Part of learning to exist in society is learning that not everything is about you. People are allowed to take their kids along to dinner and not make it an hour’s worth of “Talk about Legos” time. It’s okay for kids to amuse themselves while others talk. That is no failure of parenting.
Not being able to find or pay for a babysitter is not an excuse for allowing your children to act like baboons.
People assume life is the same as when they were kids. The $10-and-two-popsicles babysitter from down the block largely doesn’t exist any more.
Er, wha…? We seem to have drifted off the subthread about the appropriateness of allowing small children to entertain themselves with toys and gadgets while the adults eat in peace.
I’m not sure why it should be a problem for people of any age to read a screen while eating a meal they didn’t have to cook for themselves any more than it’s a problem for people of any age to read a screen while wearing clothes they didn’t have to sew for themselves.
Go ahead and have kids. You’ll learn for yourself.
I agree with your point about kids running around – we never allowed that in restaurants. However, I do know people who have an autistic child and letting him use the device at the table is the only way they could really go out with him ever. Otherwise, the many restaurant distractions can overwhelm him and freak him out. The device helps him focus.
I’m not saying all kids (or adults) using devices at the table have this issue. I’m saying don’t prejudge.
Running around, though, is unacceptable.
Kids are going to be kids and sometimes they are just cranky or tired or just plain bored and they are going to act out. If that’s the case, IMO, it’s the responsibility of the parents to remove them from the situation. Sometimes that’s all it takes is a little time away from where the behavior is taking place to change the behavior. We were very lucky when our daughter was younger that for the most part she was well behaved in public, sometimes better than she was at home 
. If there were times when she would lose it or just be disagreeable, one of us would, like I said, take a time out with her. Any parent that thinks a paying customer in a restaurant wants to be subjected to a crying, screaming child is just plain crazy. Of course, there are some kids that have just never been taught how to behave anywhere. That’s the fault of the parents and if they don’t have enough common sense to teach their kids proper behavior, they are surely not going to respond appropriately when the kid acts out.
…and sometimes the OP is experiencing a training session–first or second experience and the rugrat is still learning the standards of etiquette.
The tablet thing is just bizarre and it mainly seems to be people in my generation who are suddenly offended that kids are using them at the table. If the kid is knocking action figures off the table or drawing on the place mat with the two restaurant-provided crayons then it’s just how you remember it. But if the kid is playing with figures in Toca Life: City or drawing by tracing his finger on a 7" piece of Gorilla Glass then it’s pearl-clutching at the end of civilized society.
Speaking of, know why your mom had those dinosaurs in her purse? It’s because she didn’t want to spend the next ninety minutes exclusively talking to you over dinner either.
When my kids were younger than about four, we had a simple rule: if the restaurant allowed dogs, it allowed our kids. It meant there were about four restaurants in town we’d take them to.
Now they’re a little older, and they can remember their manners, our options have expanded.
There are two extremes, and because it’s the Internet, folks love to adopt one of those extremes (#notallposters).
- Don’t take kids out to restaurants unless their behavior is perfect, like mine was!
- Who gives a crap, they’re kids!
Parenting is a constant struggle to turn a tiny hairless monkey into a civilized human being. The transformation is remarkable, but it’s slow; and one’s own life doesn’t stop while you effect the transformation. Babysitters are really expensive. So parents need to do their best to recognize that their little hairless monkey can be irritating to other folks, and try to mitigate that irritation; and the childless folks who like to write irritated OPs like this one need to recognize that it’s a struggle to turn a monkey into a human, and be patient with people engaged in this work.
Something I read upthread: it’s the parents responsibility! That is all the needs to be said. The child didn’t get herself to the restaurant or the dept Store or the mall or the dentist’s office or wherever. I walked my child out of all manner of places, when she acted out. I left carts full of stuff and just left the store. One particular time we left the zoo after spending 10 min. trying to convince a 3 year old not to tantrum. I don’t care we spent $60. getting in, we went home and had a tantrum and time out and a nap, cut our losses and ran? Yep. We didn’t do the zoo again til 1st grade.
It was my responsibility to tend to the tantrum having 3yr.old, and I did.
People I have told this story to, often tell me I should have let her scream and kick at the zoo and ignored the bad behavior. Not on your life would I have subjected other zoo patrons to her little fit. This same child missed Halloween one year, and never sat on Santa’s lap at the mall. She turned into a lovely young woman who has children of her own. They are just getting to the age where she will soon be making the hard calls I used to make. We will see how that goes!
[quote=“StraightTalk, post:1, topic:808314”]
But is it really that hard to have your children not act like monkeys when dining at a restaurant?QUOTE]
Apparently so.
there are drop in day care places now where you can leave your kids for a few hours. They are not cheap but that is a good alternative to a babysitter.
Take-out is my friend.
Counter-point: You’re teaching the child that, if she doesn’t want to be someplace, throw a big enough fit and she’ll get to leave no matter if the cart is full, it was an appointment, mom just paid $60, etc.