# Adoption: recipe for failure ? ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 25, 2014, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224 "2014-02-25T13:55:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/81 "2014-03-01T18:05:25Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > So were [these folks](http://www.unsolvedmysteries.com/usm285370.html). Make of it what you will. > > I hate how the anti-abortion crowd representa adoption of some kind of magical la-la land where nobody suffers. Don’t know that they say nobody suffers. The POV is that it’s better to be raised by loving prepared parents than aborted. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/82 "2014-03-01T19:10:39Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Don’t know that they say nobody suffers. The POV is that it’s better to be raised by loving prepared parents than aborted. I don’t think there are good options with an unwanted pregnancy. There are options that can turn out well - and each of them CAN turn out well - and each of them can also turn out badly and make you wonder if a different path wouldn’t have turned out better. But the pregnant woman is in the best place to weigh those options and choose that path. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/83 "2014-03-01T19:19:35Z")
No argument there 'Rosa! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/84 "2014-03-01T19:37:16Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Don’t know that they say nobody suffers. The POV is that it’s better to be raised by loving prepared parents than aborted. While that is likely to be true for the child, that is not necessarily true for the mother and / or father of the child. I value real people over potential people, but the opposite point of view is completely understandable. Everyone, though, should keep all three parties in mind as they weigh the issues! ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/85 "2014-03-01T20:23:11Z")
One of the marks of being a mature adult is realizing it’s not all about you. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/86 "2014-03-01T20:58:34Z")
I grew up with one family who had 3 kids - 2 bio, one adopted from Korea. The Korean girl had serious problems starting in her mid-teens, and the thing I remember most was that she kept running away, and it got to the point where her parents kicked her out for good. Of course, I don’t know the whole story, but a lot of counselors said things like “Maybe she has issues with the adoption.” The oldest bio kid was a classmate of mine, and she was one of those people that nobody liked, but kids hung around with her because her parents kept a very well-stocked liquor cabinet and didn’t ask questions when they found things missing. :dubious: :rolleyes: :smack: I personally think THAT explained a lot of it. Many years ago, I worked with a young woman who was adopted at birth (she would have been born around 1970) and she was curious about her birth parents, but she knew enough about that kind of thing to make her not want to look for them, at least not at that time. Her thoughts were that maybe her mother didn’t want to give her up, or had been raped, or that her parents had been in prison or a mental institution, that kind of thing. The person she really wanted to thank was the social worker who decided that her mom and dad would be her mom and dad. 🙂 🆒 Yes, she had problems and bad things happen to her, but who doesn’t? As for nowadays, from what I’ve seen, most of the women who put their babies up for adoption are not teenagers. They are women in their 20s, 30s, sometimes even 40s, many of whom have other children and a surprising number are married, although not necessarily to the baby’s father. Their story seems to be the same over and over again: She’s had no prenatal care, and walks into the hospital in labor and says that she wants to just have the baby and leave it there. Women with vaginal births usually left after 2 hours, when they were allowed to be discharged, and women who had c-sections generally left the next morning. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/87 "2014-03-01T21:04:19Z")
BTW, I only know of one adoption on either side of my family, from any angle, and it was a grandparent adoption. This relative was young enough to be the bio mom; the birth parents were in their late teens (and married; they just didn’t take care of the child) and this relative and her husband were in their early 40s. More recently, I worked at the grocery store pharmacy with another woman who was born in 1980 (just had her birthday a few days ago, too; we’re on Facebook) and she always knew she was adopted, but never thought about it until she started working there. She said, “You see all those women on welfare, with no job, no education, no future, and no hope? That’s what my life would probably have been like if my mother had kept me.” ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/88 "2014-03-01T21:13:34Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were both adopted. Make of that what you will. Weren’t they step-parent adoptions, however? I think Gates looks just like his father. Gerald Ford was also adopted. IIRC, his birth father died when he was very young, and his mother remarried and he was adopted by his stepfather. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/89 "2014-03-01T21:31:57Z")
No, Steve Jobs has no biological relation to his adoptive parents. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/90 "2014-03-01T22:23:55Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > One of the marks of being a mature adult is realizing it’s not all about you. One of the other hallmarks is to make sure you get what you need and not let yourself be bullied into behavior. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/91 "2014-03-01T23:37:27Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Weren’t they step-parent adoptions, however? I think Gates looks just like his father. > > Gerald Ford was also adopted. IIRC, his birth father died when he was very young, and his mother remarried and he was adopted by his stepfather. Same with Clinton I believe. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/92 "2014-03-01T23:38:43Z")
Oh, absolutely 'Rosa. I think I’m letting my beliefs about my personal history color my attitude. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2014, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/93 "2014-03-01T23:53:07Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > Same with Clinton I believe. You’re right. Clinton’s father died several months before he was born. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2014, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224/94 "2014-03-02T01:04:32Z")
Bill Gates is not adopted, not even by a step parent. Every bio I can find simply says he is the second of the three children of William Henry Gates II and Mary Maxwell Gates. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-recipe-for-failure/682224.md?page=4)