# Adoption: Why say Mom and Dad? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 19, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506 "2010-01-19T02:33:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/281 "2010-01-21T05:13:30Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > The thread was started because I wanted to know why one of my soon-to-be ex-clients was doing just that. Go back to page one. You realize that this sort of behavior is not unique to adoptive parent/child relationships, no? Of course, no blood relations have ever been known to fuck each other over, disown, become estranged, beat, kill each other, etc. You’ve never heard of a parent cutting a biological child off financially because of a behavior the parent doesn’t approve? Just because your sample of **one** happens to involve an adoptive relationship doesn’t mean this unstable woman wouldn’t have found some other reason to cut her off. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/282 "2010-01-21T18:36:56Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > **ZPG Zealot** , I have an honest question, and I want you to give me a straight answer. > > Why exactly are genetic ties so important? Genetic ties are part of you. You have some of the same DNA as your relatives. Essentially part of them is part of you. I’ve had a half-siblings that I’ve hated with the fury of a thousand nuclear explosions, but I’ve never given into that hatred and not for lack of opportunity, but because to harm them would harm a part of me. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/283 "2010-01-21T18:52:38Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Wasn’t the last reply something like, knowing who the Adopters were so they could be prevented from swooping down and kidnapping kids? Wheren’t you in favor of cannibalism in the Abortion and Infanticide thread. Freudian Slit Guest Join Date: Aug 2000 Quote: Originally Posted by Malthus Whew! I guess I can plug the freezer back in, then. Save some for me! I want the wing! I don’t think everyone that approves of adoption is a child-stealer, but I had to fight a pack of them to keep my youngest brother out of the adoption market. I don’t think many people realize how much adoption agents and people who want to adopt target non-nuclear or non-traditional families. Everyone of my poor clients who has children has told me of social workers trying to get them to place their children (at least while they are in that under 2 year desirable category) up for adoption. If child poverty is such a terrible thing, why not offer free abortions to low income woman that want them. Many of them would have taken them. But to ask someone to carry a fetus then risk the danger of childbirth for nothing? That’s not pro-life, it’s pro-slavery. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/284 "2010-01-21T19:12:56Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Stolen from Wikki, Averroes defined logic as "the tool for distinguishing between the true and the false. I think you mean “adopted from Wikki,” no? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/285 "2010-01-21T19:18:37Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Genetic ties are part of you. You have some of the same DNA as your relatives. Essentially part of them is part of you. It has already been pointed out that you don’t share any DNA with your relatives by marriage. Is it therefore OK to kill them?\* If you had ever met some of my in-laws, you would understand why I ask the question. Regards, Shodan \*Need answer fast! ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/286 "2010-01-21T19:28:22Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Genetic ties are part of you. You have some of the same DNA as your relatives. Essentially part of them is part of you. I’ve had a half-siblings that I’ve hated with the fury of a thousand nuclear explosions, but I’ve never given into that hatred and not for lack of opportunity, but because to harm them would harm a part of me. So you’re not allowed to hate someone or something if they share DNA? You realize we share DNA with lots of things including mice and bananas? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/287 "2010-01-21T19:33:15Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Genetic ties are part of you. You have some of the same DNA as your relatives. Essentially part of them is part of you. I’ve had a half-siblings that I’ve hated with the fury of a thousand nuclear explosions, but I’ve never given into that hatred and not for lack of opportunity, but because to harm them would harm a part of me. There’s this thing called empathy which, along with ethics, means that harming _anyone_ is harming myself. Besides, you’re way related to me. Sucks to be you, but it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/288 "2010-01-21T19:40:52Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Genetic ties are part of you. You have some of the same DNA as your relatives. Essentially part of them is part of you. I’ve had a half-siblings that I’ve hated with the fury of a thousand nuclear explosions, but I’ve never given into that hatred and not for lack of opportunity, but because to harm them would harm a part of me. So should we conclude that if you ever feel that sort of hatred for someone who’s not related to you by blood, they would not be as safe? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/289 "2010-01-21T19:46:55Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I don’t think everyone that approves of adoption is a child-stealer Then you should probably stop saying so. > [@](#): > > I don’t think many people realize how much adoption agents and people who want to adopt target non-nuclear or non-traditional families. That may be so. Then again, the court system would like nothing better than to return two of my cousins to their jailbird father and drug addict mother (despite the restraining order between them) so they can resume ruining the boys’ lives, because the system has “a preference for keeping families together.” So I question the value of your experience and in particular the truthfulness of your clients. > [@](#): > > If child poverty is such a terrible thing, why not offer free abortions to low income woman that want them. Many of them would have taken them. But to ask someone to carry a fetus then risk the danger of childbirth for nothing? That’s not pro-life, it’s pro-slavery. All of which is a valid debate, but not related to whether adoptive parents should be called mom and dad. ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/290 "2010-01-21T19:51:08Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > OK, new theory. **ZPG Zealot** is what happens when you see a thousand consecutive forced viewings of _Orphan_. 😃 _Clockwork Orange_ style. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/291 "2010-01-21T20:09:44Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Wheren’t you in favor of cannibalism in the Abortion and Infanticide thread. > > Freudian Slit > Guest Join Date: Aug 2000 > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Malthus > Whew! I guess I can plug the freezer back in, then. > > Save some for me! I want the wing! _face palm_ Oh dear. [LMGTFY](http://lmgtfy.com/?q=sarcasm) ---
**Author:** ![Malthus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Malthus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malthus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/292 "2010-01-21T20:15:01Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > _face palm_ > > Oh dear. > > [LMGTFY](http://lmgtfy.com/?q=sarcasm) **ZPG Zealot** , please _do not read_ Jonathan Swift’s essays. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![akira5822](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/53a042/32.png) [@akira5822](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akira5822)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/293 "2010-01-21T20:40:20Z")
I’m sorry the orginal post to me was not a serious question. This is pot-stirring of first degree. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/294 "2010-01-21T20:51:34Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I don’t think everyone that approves of adoption is a child-stealer, but I had to fight a pack of them to keep my youngest brother out of the adoption market. I don’t think many people realize how much adoption agents and people who want to adopt target non-nuclear or non-traditional families. Everyone of my poor clients who has children has told me of social workers trying to get them to place their children (at least while they are in that under 2 year desirable category) up for adoption. If child poverty is such a terrible thing, why not offer free abortions to low income woman that want them. Many of them would have taken them. But to ask someone to carry a fetus then risk the danger of childbirth for nothing? That’s not pro-life, it’s pro-slavery. OK, now things are becoming a little clearer. I’m sorry about what you went through with your brother, and I think that protective services should give strong consideration to blood relatives if they are interested in taking guardianship. But I’m sorry, no one here is going to agree that staying with the blood relative is _always_ in the child’s best interests, and that is what the decision should be based on. And I also agree that neither poor women or anyone else should be pressured into giving up their children, but rather should be helped so that they can keep their children. I doubt you will find anyone here would disagree with that. Again, though, that doesn’t mean that adoption as a concept is inherently wrong. I think you are fighting the wrong enemy here. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/295 "2010-01-21T21:17:40Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Wheren’t you in favor of cannibalism in the Abortion and Infanticide thread. I’m just in favor of not wasting food. If you’re going to kill the kid that comes out of you rather than adopt it out, we might as well get something good out of it. If it’s good enough for Christopher Reeve and Johnny Swift, it’s good enough for me. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/296 "2010-01-21T21:22:41Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > You realize we share DNA with lots of things including mice and bananas? Hey! It was only one time, okay?! ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/297 "2010-01-21T21:25:18Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > It has already been pointed out that you don’t share any DNA with your relatives by marriage. Is it therefore OK to kill them?\* > > If you had ever met some of my in-laws, you would understand why I ask the question. > > Regards, > Shodan > > \*Need answer fast! You do realize 2nd cousins can marry? Also marriage can also be important in cementing partnerships between families, in a way that murdering your in-laws might not be to your advantage. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/298 "2010-01-21T21:29:16Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > You do realize 2nd cousins can marry? Also marriage can also be important in cementing partnerships between families, in a way that murdering your in-laws might not be to your advantage. Henry VIII murdered at least one of his wives, and that worked out totally OK, so in my experience, murdering whomever you like works out fine. And you get to eat ice cream. And praying mantises murder their mates. And a character played by Amanda Plummer in a Tales from the Crypt episode. I think murder plays an important role in marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/299 "2010-01-21T21:30:54Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Henry VIII murdered at least one of his wives, and that worked out totally OK, so in my experience, murdering whomever you like works out fine. And you get to eat ice cream. And praying mantises murder their mates. And a character played by Amanda Plummer in a Tales from the Crypt episode. I think murder plays an important role in marriage. Who cares what you think, _cannibal?_ ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506/300 "2010-01-21T21:33:12Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > So should we conclude that if you ever feel that sort of hatred for someone who’s not related to you by blood, they would not be as safe? Depends on what they did. Seriously, aren’t most people capable of killing to defend themselves and others? Some extremes of human behavior can motivate violence. Without going into too much really disgusting detail, the individual in question did horrible things and is currently incarcerated for it. But there were times when he wasn’t. Times when he was close enough to me that one good bullet to the head would have saved court time and the cost of incarceration. The point being, I didn’t do it because he was family. I stayed out of the mess and let the authorities arrest him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adoption-why-say-mom-and-dad/525506.md?page=16)