My niece was just learning to walk and talk over Thanksgiving weekend. In addition to taking her monumental first steps, she also answered a question with a complete sentence for the first time, asked by my father:
“Do you like your Uncle Sofa King?”
(After a moment of what looked to be serious reflection.)
“Nooo.”
I don’t have any kids (yet), but my sister is six years younger than me. When she was about four or five years old, my mom’s cousin Buddy died. Not having a sitter, she took Megan with her to the funeral. They were sitting in church and my sister is asking all these questions (it was her first funeral service).
Megan: Mom, who’s that guy on the wall?
Mom: That’s Jesus. He’s the son of God. [She continues to explain about God and Jesus for several minutes}.
Megan: Oh. I figured it was Buddy.
After trick or treating one Halloween evening when my daughter was four, we opened the candy bags and boxes to make sure that everything was safe to eat. She opened a little box of Milk-Duds, grimaced and threw them across the room. “Yuk, baby poo-poos!”
My kids are 18 and 13 now and would hate to be reminded of these, but I do think they’re worth sharing here.
Daughter, age about 3, on seeing a picture of an armadillo: “Oh, Mom, look - a bug dog!”
Son, about 7, after a unit in school in which he learned that George Washington had very expensive false teeth, upon hearing my husband and me cheering over a windfall tax refund: “Whoa, Nellie! Fake teeth, here I come!”
My oldest daughter was 3, and had spent a very rainy day with Grandma. Grandma had at some point said it was “raining cats and dogs” and she just latched onto that phrase the rest of the day. The next morning, she looked outside, and upon seeing the light drizzle, said “It’s not raining cats and dogs anymore!” She pondered the rain for another minute or so and then said, “Now it’s just raining kittens and puppies!”
Younger daughter (actually step-daughter) was 4 when her dad and I got married. She and my daughter were our attendants in our wedding. When the pastor said, “Do you, Kinsey, take MrKinsey…” she piped up with, “You hafta say ‘I do’ now!”
My oldest was showing her aunt pictures she drew. Tracey said, “Wow, these are great! You’re an excellent artist.” Seeing my youngest looking wistful, she said, “Lex, are you a good artist?” Lex shook her head. “Well, I’m sure you’re good at something.” Lex scrunched up her face pensively, then suddenly her face lit up and she exclaimed, “I’m a really good t.v. watcher!”
(sniff) I was so proud!
My daughter just started school this year. One of her projects was drawing a book of things that make her happy, sad, fun things ect.
Under the part where it said “I have the most fun” it said playing with my daddy, and had a picture she drew of us.
Also, just last week we were watching the news and they mentioned the president. I asked her if she know who the president was, meaning the job of president. She shouted “GEORGE W. BUSH”
Being very impressed, I asked if she knew who was president before GWB, she said “Mrs. Washington”
Now I’m stuck having a soft spot for GWB.
My guys (my foster son’s two boys):
B., age 2 1/2, came with daddy for a visit. Our cat had recently had kittens, and we took him to see the baby kittens, one of whom was pure black. His grandmother has a neutered male black cat named Blackie. He spotted it and said, “Look, Daddy, Blackie’s baby!” (The name stuck.) What gets me on this one is that at that young age, he had noticed that traits get handed down from generation to generation, and made the logical, if erroneous, conclusion.
At age 5 1/2, we had gone to visit his grandmother, where he was spending a week on a visit as well. Custom there is to watch the news over coffee after supper, and we stopped just in time to share coffee and the news. It was during the Clinton impeachment brouhaha, and the reporter made some reference to illicit sex. B. pipes up, “I know what sex is.” Five adults suddenly silent and turning as one to look at him. Grandma says, “Okay, tell us what sex is.” B. responds, “It’s when two people take off all their clothes and kiss.”
All things considered, I kind of like his definition!
His little brother J. is the apple of my eye, and knows it. He’s four. As they were preparing to move some distance away, we stopped to say goodbye – a very poignant time for all of us, because we were close. J. was already in bed, but when he heard us, he got up (a minor infraction of the rules, but acceptable at a time like this) and toddled out. Seeing me standing in the kitchen, he walked over, looked up at me with a very serious expression, and said, “I’m going to miss you very much.” My heart just cracked in two.
A few years ago, I used to give my son Kix for a cereal.
He found one of the floor, and said, “Oh look! A Kick!”
Ha! That reminded me of when my son had chicken pox last year. My boyfriend touched him on the shoulder, and my son screamed, “OWWWW! You touched my pock!”
When my son was in a poopy mood one day and one more thing cheesed him off, he looked at me tearily and asked, “Why does it always have to be such a bad day?” Now, whenever I or my boyfriend hits a rough patch, that’s what we say. I don’t know why, but it cracks us up and usually puts us in a better mood.
We were watching home movies the other night (yeah, the cable was out).
During the Xmas movies of 91, the then 7 year old says, in a very excited voice “Mommy, mommy, it’s true! Santa Claus really does shop at Walmart! Look!”
I was sick the other day, and getting much attention from all the offspring. My eight year old comes over, cuddles a bit, and says “I’ll do anything for you Mommy, cause your sick and I love you”. Awwww
10 minutes later I asked him to hand me the remote. “Why do I always have to do everything!!!”
My two-year-old cracks me up everyday.
A few days ago after dinner my 7yo made us all some toast. The 2yo got jelly on the back of her hand. I told her to lick it off. She just looked at me disgusted like. So I said, “You know, like a kitty.” and did a gesture of a cat licking his paw. She said (and really she’s not going to turn 3 for several more months), “Mother, I am not a cat. I am a child.” She was just showing off though. Her imaginary friends were to dinner that night.
My husband was talking to her one evening and he called her by her nickname. It’s not uncommon for her to insist on being called by her given name, so I thought that was what she was going to say this time. Instead she says, “Don’t call me (nickname). Call me Super Baby Genius.” I’m getting over a bad case of bronchitis and I nearly died laughing, literally.
My mom treasures one thing she said. We had gone to my aunt’s funeral in Springfield and had stayed the night in a motel. I told her that my sister and Grandma were going to be there at the funeral. When we got there, my sister met us at the door and told us that the family seating area was jam packed. So we decided that little one would do better sitting in the other pews. We couldn’t see into the family area very well. Then we when it was over, sis, little one, and I left with the others in the area we were in. Then it was quite awhile until the rest of the family came out. We stood there waiting and waiting. When they finally came out, we greeted everyone as they came by. Finally, my mom comes out and little one says, “OH! I lo-o-ove this one.” and gave her such a huge hug.
My oldest was about this same age when those Bud Ice penquin commercials were on. And I think there was some other commercial that used penguins. My daughter was fascinated with those penguins. One night while visiting my parents, she and my dad were on the front porch together. She was going on and on about the penquins telling him stories sometimes using elements from the commercials. Well, then she said something about the headlights that you could see up on the highway. (Way too dark to see the car.) He said, “Maybe it’s those penguins.” She said, “No, Papa. Penguins drive a BLUE car.”
Of course, I’m saving these. Then, when I need to embarass some children, I’ll look them up and show them what mom or dad said! Mwuhahahaha.
Since Sire O. is only 5 months old, he hasn’t blessed us with any witticisms… yet. I’ll have to get back to you on that. However, I can relate this one that can be used to embarass my nephew.
Edith and I were watching the nephew overnight and, this being his first night away from home without the 'rents, wanted to make him happy and wear him out so he’d crash - thereby bypassing the “going to sleep” trauma. (proofing this, I must apologize for that last sentence. I realize that it took out 40 feet of guard rail, but I don’t think I can rewrite it.) We tell him we’ll go to the mall, have dinner, go get ice cream, do this, that, the other, whatever. About two hours later we’re heading out for ice cream. All the way he’s saying how he’s excited about the Batman and Robin store and how he’s never been to a Batman and Robin store, etc. It isn’t until we pull into the parking lot that my wife and I realize that he was talking about the Baskin and Robbins store! We must have mentioned the name at some point during the evening.
Sure, they aren’t my kids, and yeah, I posted this story in another thread, but it’s worth repeating. My sister’s son Jamey (6) and daughter Aubrey (4) had this conversation a couple of weeks ago:
JAMEY: Do you want to know what is the saddest thing?
AUBREY: What?
JAMEY: Eddie’s grandpa got squished by a truck, and now he’s in a wheelchair all the time.
AUBREY: Ooh, is he flat?
Cracks me up every time I think about it.
We’re reading our 3 1/2 year-old daugher *The Hobbit[i/] which she loves because she’s fascinated with Smaug the dragon and because the chapters are long so she gets to stay up late.
Recently, after a particularly dragonish chapter the previous night, she informed us that she had been reading Smaug (represented by a Beanie Baby lizard) his favorite bedtime story. And what is the name of Smaug’s favorite bedtime story?
“It’s called ‘It’s Great to Be Me.’”
And Opal, thanks for starting this thread. Lotsa smiles in here.
When my oldest daughter was aboout two-and-a-half, we took her to the nursing home around Christmas to see her great-grandmother. She decided to sing “Silent Night” to Grandma Rose. When she got to the second verse, the one that goes “. . .shepherds quake at the sight. . .” she sang “shepherds squeak” at the sight. We all tried very hard not to laugh, and I think we succeeded.
I get a kick when she sings along with the radio. One afternoon “Born To Be Wild” came on and as she played on the floor with her dolls, I could hear her singing “Born To Be Mild.”
Awwww, makes a hippie Mom proud.
We just got our girls scout cookies here. Kid takes one look at the box and says:
“Hey! They’ve removed the lesbian subtext from the Tagalongs box!”
He’s so cute.
-The Man Who
I don’t have any kids (thanks the gods for that), but I have a very young nephew (he’s three). When we went in the ditch, I told him we were fine, we were just parked there for a little while. His response: “No, we are not FINE!! We’re in the ditch, Auntie Sarah!” After that he kept explaining to my dad that he had to “pull on the shiffer and push the go pedal”.
When my daughter was learning to talk, maybe around 14, 16 months, whatever, I dropped an egg on the floor. “Jesus Christ”, I cursed. As I finished wiping up the mess, my daughter said knowingly, “Jesus Christ all gone.”