# Ads that hope we're stupid **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2005, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708 "2005-02-06T22:33:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/81 "2005-02-09T17:12:06Z")
You forgot plasma. “New Tylenol Cold Plasma Capsules are so potent, they go directly to the cold viruses in your body and instantly disassociate electrons from nucleii, ionizing them!\*” [sub]\*Side effects may include various aggressive cancers, agonizing pain, radiation sickness, and prolonged death throes.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/82 "2005-02-09T17:14:17Z")
> [@MissGypsy](#): > > I’ve not seen that one, but it sounds bizarre. It’s not bizarre. It’s a catchy, hard rock riff playing in the background while soldiers do things like speed around in the zodiac, help launch a Tomcat off an aircraft carrier, and do other military things. 99% of the people who see the commercial have no idea what the title of the song is. And the song is actually “Awake,” not “Sick of Life.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/83 "2005-02-09T17:38:29Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > How about the Clorox ad claiming if you don’t bleach your sheets, you’re diving into “Body Soil.” Then they add that you should use Clorox 2 for colored sheets, implying it too, has some defense against the plague of “body soil.” > My first question is, what, exactly, _is_ body soil? Is it that minute decomposition happening to my skin, turning it to worm food? Are they implying that \* I don’t bathe???\* Or is it something else? A new product, perhaps. > Then there’s the issue of the secondary product that does basicly nothing, but must be used for safety’s sake to avoid a dreaded affliction, that doesn’t exist. I thought the same thing upon seeing this commercial - “Body soil? What the heck is body soil?” You know, the products for women’s skin and hair are really terrible for this - they’re making up words all over the place, that mean exactly nothing. With liposomes? Fortified with rejuvena? Bionutrient? Cytonutrient? Hunh? It’s not just shampoo, conditioner, or skin lotion - it’s a SCIENTIFIC SYSTEM. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/84 "2005-02-09T18:26:22Z")
I’ve seen a _lot_ of misrepresentation for this product, in advertising and press, but I’ll use the current example that’s on TV. Napster had a commercial for their mp3 player and subscription service bundle, and it compares it to the iPod and iTunes. “Why spend almost $10,000 to fill up your iPod, when you can spend just $20/month to fill up any one of these players from the Napster subscription service?!” _It doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod._ Let me repeat, it doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. How about one more time? It doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/85 "2005-02-09T18:53:57Z")
> [@](#): > > **featherlou** said: > You know, the products for women’s skin and hair are really terrible for this - they’re making up words all over the place, that mean exactly nothing. With liposomes? Fortified with rejuvena? Bionutrient? Cytonutrient? Hunh? It’s not just shampoo, conditioner, or skin lotion - it’s a SCIENTIFIC SYSTEM. Yup. Just add in the Clinique counter-girls in their little labcoat dresses because apparently some high-up moron thought they should look all ‘science lab’ as they help you pick out your bionutrient rejuvena fortified systemme that somehow means all that powder is actually not going to get inside your pores and make them crank out the pus till you have a big ugly zit. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/86 "2005-02-09T19:12:39Z")
> [@Neurotik](#): > > And the song is actually “Awake,” not “Sick of Life.” I stand corrected. And the riff is catchy. But if they played the lyrics following it, it wouldn’t make a lot of sense. But then, most of the recruiting commercials now are basically music videos anyway, and we know how much sense that makes. I think they should adapt Spike Jonze’s “Weapon of Choice” video. _That_ would be funny. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/87 "2005-02-09T19:21:11Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > Napster had a commercial for their mp3 player and subscription service bundle, and it compares it to the iPod and iTunes. “Why spend almost $10,000 to fill up your iPod, when you can spend just $20/month to fill up any one of these players from the Napster subscription service?!” > > It doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. Let me repeat, it doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. How about one more time? It doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. To put it more accurately: not all iPod users get their music via iTunes at 99¢ per track. ---
**Author:** ![Sparklo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Sparklo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparklo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/88 "2005-02-09T19:22:48Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > I’ve seen a _lot_ of misrepresentation for this product, in advertising and press, but I’ll use the current example that’s on TV. > > Napster had a commercial for their mp3 player and subscription service bundle, and it compares it to the iPod and iTunes. “Why spend almost $10,000 to fill up your iPod, when you can spend just $20/month to fill up any one of these players from the Napster subscription service?!” > > _It doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod._ Let me repeat, it doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. How about one more time? It doesn’t cost a fucking dime to put music on an iPod. The other little thing they forget to mention is that you’re not so much buying music as renting music. From [napster.com](http://napster.com): “It is necessary to maintain a Napster subscription in order to continue access to songs downloaded through the Napster service.” ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/89 "2005-02-09T19:24:46Z")
No specific brand name, but I have been on the verge of going batshit over the hoopla regarding products that are “100% organic!!!” ("!"). After all, as I have pointed out to the Ottlets on several occasions, _motor oil_ is, at heart, 100% organic. ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/90 "2005-02-09T19:34:38Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I recently saw a razor commercial- didn’t pay attention to which brand. It went something like “if you shave in the morning, by evening when you’re on a date five o’clock shadow can be a problem. Use our super-duper razor.” Um, wait a second. No razor can shave smoother than smooth. If you have a swarthy chin by evening it’s because you have a fast growing beard. A four-blade razor isn’t going to help. > > Any other ads you’ve seen that you swear were written by Dogbert? Good thread, but, I have to disagree… I bought the 3-blade Sensor on Sunday night. For the past two days **Wifecat** has been remarking just how smooth my face is now when I get home from work. It really is! It has been 12 hours since I shaved and I am smooth enough for below-navel excursions… 😃 The 3rd blade does something…or the first two help pull the hair out just a little more for the 3rd to do its work. -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/91 "2005-02-09T19:44:43Z")
> [@OttoDaFe](#): > > After all, as I have pointed out to the Ottlets on several occasions, _motor oil_ is, at heart, 100% organic. And it’s _good for you_, too. I used to use Pennzoil for my dressings, but I’ve switched to a Castrol GTX/synthetic blend with a mid-prices basalmic vinegar. What do others use? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/92 "2005-02-09T19:46:05Z")
> [@OttoDaFe](#): > > After all, as I have pointed out to the Ottlets on several occasions, _motor oil_ is, at heart, 100% organic. And it’s _good for you_, too. I used to use Pennzoil for my dressings, but I’ve switched to a Castrol GTX/synthetic blend with a mid-prices basalmic vinegar to prevent viscocity breakdown. What do others use? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/93 "2005-02-09T20:11:01Z")
> [@Tomcat](#): > > The 3rd blade does something…or the first two help pull the hair out just a little more for the 3rd to do its work. > > -Tcat Nah, it just shaves your face another time. Three blades is like shaving your face three times for every swipe. With a nice, pawn-shop-robbing sharp straight razor you can get your face smoother than _any_ safety razor. It’s just that you’ll cut your throat if your honey “accidentally” bumps into you while you’re trimming around the Adam’s apple. :eek: And don’t even get me started on those stupid “lubrication strips”. Your face is covered in cream, and this little strip is supposed to do what, again? :rolleyes: _The Onion_ had a good article on this a few months ago. Ah, here it is: [Fuck Everything, We’re Doing Five Blades](http://premium.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?type=opinion&id=447). (Premium membership required ☹ ) Excerpt ('cause it’s just too funny not to post): > [@](#): > > Would someone tell me how this happened? We were the fucking vanguard of shaving in this country. The Gillette Mach3 was the razor to own. Then the other guy came out with a three-blade razor. Were we scared? Hell, no. Because we hit back with a little thing called the Mach3Turbo. That’s three blades and an aloe strip. For moisture. But you know what happened next? Shut up, I’m telling you what happened—the bastards went to four blades. Now we’re standing around with our cocks in our hands, selling three blades and a strip. Moisture or no, suddenly we’re the chumps. Well, fuck it. We’re going to five blades. That Onion membership is worth every farthing. Oh, uh, just like the SDMB membership. (Wheh!) Stranger ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/94 "2005-02-09T20:12:52Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Yes! That’s it, exactly! All advertising is based on creating the perception that people are lacking something (usually sex, money or status). I figured that out for myself awhile ago {preens slightly}, and I believe it holds true for most commercial ads. I’ve been trying to find the Calvin and Hobbs strip where, in the last panel, Calvin rushes in to tell his parents something like, “Quick! I just heard about a product that I didn’t know existed 10 minutes ago but that I desperately need!” ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/95 "2005-02-10T02:03:46Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I recently saw a razor commercial- didn’t pay attention to which brand. It went something like “if you shave in the morning, by evening when you’re on a date five o’clock shadow can be a problem. Use our super-duper razor.” Um, wait a second. No razor can shave smoother than smooth. If you have a swarthy chin by evening it’s because you have a fast growing beard. A four-blade razor isn’t going to help. > > Any other ads you’ve seen that you swear were written by Dogbert? Any Bayer aspirin ad. They try to make you think that their highly overpriced “brand” of acetylsalicilic acid is more curative than the generic brands that cost 1/10 as much, or less. The stooopidest one of all time was the one for pantyhose that said,“It makes me feel like I’m not wearing nuthin.” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/96 "2005-02-10T02:16:50Z")
Another one which bugs me is a lolly commercial for jelly snakes which touts them as being “97% fat free”. No, really? I’m actually perversely impressed that you managed to fit _any_ fat in, given that the damn things are almost pure sugar, with a dash of tartrazine, a _soupcon_ of esters, and some ground up and boiled down horses’ hooves to glue it all together. Maybe that elusive 3% of fat was stubbornly adhering to the hooves. Still, they _must_ be healthy - they’re 97% fat free! ---
**Author:** ![mike1dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@mike1dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mike1dog)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/97 "2005-02-10T03:15:30Z")
The ad that really bugs me is the Lysol ad. This kid comes into the house to play with her kid. He has the temerity to sneeze on his toy train. The germ-phobic mom then douses the train with Lysol, thereby ensuring that no germs will ever touch her son. Am I the only one who thinks she’s a wee bit overly protective? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/98 "2005-02-10T04:16:28Z")
> [@Marlitharn](#): > > The Cat Chow (?) add where the guy opens up a bag of cat food and suddenly his house is surrounded by lions and tigers and cougars and cheetahs. Every time I see it I think, “Why would I want a product in my home that would attract hungry animals that are above me on the food chain?” Nitpick, I know, but you sure about this? I know we don’t eat tigers lions cougars etc much, and I know they would eat us if they could and of course, extremely rarely they do. But basically, we rule. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/99 "2005-02-10T05:10:26Z")
> [@norinew](#): > > The Sears commercials for washers and dryers in “designer shades” that “fit your personal style”. Og forbid you should have a washer and dryer that’s, gasp, _white_, because _that_ would mean you are too boring to deserve to live. > > Also, you need the “designer shade” washer and dryer so that, ten years from now, when you’re trying to sell your house, prospective buyers will go “Oh, look, this laundry room was remodeled in 2005”, much the way we do now with those hideous “avocado” and “harvest gold” appliances! And let’s not forget the outdoor central air conditioning units that are available in designer colours. I don’t even remember the brand name. All I can think is “for pity’s sake, what kind of lame person needs to colour-coordinate their central air conditioning compressor?” It usually has some fairly catchy music, though. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708/100 "2005-02-10T05:44:13Z")
> [@mike1dog](#): > > The ad that really bugs me is the Lysol ad. This kid comes into the house to play with her kid. He has the temerity to sneeze on his toy train. The germ-phobic mom then douses the train with Lysol, thereby ensuring that no germs will ever touch her son. Am I the only one who thinks she’s a wee bit overly protective? I dunno… I don’t have any kids, but _I_ certainly wouldn’t touch something someone just sneezed on, especially not a kid. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ads-that-hope-were-stupid/288708.md?page=6)