# Adult Children of Happy Drunks **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 23, 2018, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098 "2018-08-23T05:53:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2018, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098/21 "2018-08-24T23:16:19Z")
My husband’s parents were tea-totalling Baptists. They were strict and brutal. He would probably be diagnosed as ADHD, or something similar. So he incurred all the wrath they could muster. He was in trouble from the minute he started walking and meddling. It’s sad to hear the extended family talk about how he was treated. I’ll take my Happy-drunk Daddy any day over that so-called upbringing. In anything related to family life, it’s a matter of degrees, I suspect. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2018, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098/22 "2018-08-25T00:39:46Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > It was more true for my extended family than my immediate family. > > I come from a large, Roman Catholic family. My grandparents (on my father’s side) had nine children, and they all lived in close proximity. > > Growing up there were lots of family parties, with many of them at my grandparent’s place. The parties were alcohol-fueled fun-fests; they (sort of) reminded me of college parties. Lots of laughter and carrying-on. I started drinking beer at these parties, when I was 14. > > With the exception of my grandparents, most are still alive and still live in close proximity. We still occasionally have parties (mainly Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas), but everyone is getting older and they’re a bit more tame. But there’s still lotsa drinking, and everyone is happy. I understand how alcohol has been a very negative & destructive influence on many families. But I guess my upbringing bucks the trend. In my large, extended family, alcohol = fun times. There has never been any negative connotations to it. Family gatherings were (and still are) a hoot, with lots of comrade, bing drinking, stupid behavior, and laughing. I have fond memories of “crazy, alcohol-fueled” parties when I was 5 years old. Perhaps my experience was an enigma. At the time I thought it was normal. “Another party at grandma’s? Hell ya!” ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2018, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098/23 "2018-08-25T04:43:00Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > I understand how alcohol has been a very negative & destructive influence on many families. But I guess my upbringing bucks the trend. In my large, extended family, alcohol = fun times. There has never been any negative connotations to it. Family gatherings were (and still are) a hoot, with lots of comrade, bing drinking, stupid behavior, and laughing. I have fond memories of “crazy, alcohol-fueled” parties when I was 5 years old. > > Perhaps my experience was an enigma. At the time I thought it was normal. “Another party at grandma’s? Hell ya!” I’m a recovering alcoholic and I don’t believe everyone who ever gets drunk or does stupid things is even a problem drinker, let along an alcoholic. There is a world of difference between someone who gets sloshed at the occasional family affair and someone who is sloppy everyone night at home. I attended ACA (adult children of alcoholics) before at the recommendation of a therapist. My Mormon parents never had even a sip of alcohol to drink, but it was such an abusive and emotionally neglectful home. Taking to other people in ACA, I found that alcoholic parents can screw up kids in multiple ways. There is direct physical and emotional abuse. So called “happy drunks” may not do the former but they could still be doing the latter. Another serious problem is the emotional neglect. One friend had some of the happy drunks and the parents basically just checked out of life when they got home after work. The parents were never mean but never there for her, either. they don’t provide ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098/24 "2018-08-26T23:13:40Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > I understand how alcohol has been a very negative & destructive influence on many families. But I guess my upbringing bucks the trend. In my large, extended family, alcohol = fun times. There has never been any negative connotations to it. Family gatherings were (and still are) a hoot, with lots of comrade, bing drinking, stupid behavior, and laughing. I have fond memories of “crazy, alcohol-fueled” parties when I was 5 years old. > > Perhaps my experience was an enigma. At the time I thought it was normal. “Another party at grandma’s? Hell ya!” There’s a significant difference between “everyone gets drunk at family parties” versus “my parent/s were never entirely sober during my childhood”. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098/25 "2018-08-27T07:18:31Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Another serious problem is the emotional neglect. One friend had some of the happy drunks and the parents basically just checked out of life when they got home after work. The parents were never mean but never there for her, either. > > they don’t provide That can also include physical neglect; kids who need to learn to feed themselves a lot earlier than would be normal, medical needs which don’t get taken care of unless the child is bleeding, on fire or has an extremely high fever. I know people who discovered they’d had broken bones the first time they got a thorough medical checkup as adults: the broken bone had been a rib, or in the forearm, and their parents had dismissed “it hurts” with a “stop whinning”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-children-of-happy-drunks/820098.md?page=1)