# Adult Friend Who Is Childlike- Diagnosis? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 15, 2016, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816 "2016-05-15T02:37:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/21 "2016-05-16T07:23:57Z")
> [@Ken001](#): > > Excellent. Which is why I didn’t post in General Questions. It is a problem for which there may be no answers what gives you the place to determine that he has a “problem,” and why do you feel entitled to be the one who has to help “fix” it? Can’t you just let people live their lives? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/22 "2016-05-16T08:14:06Z")
> [@spamforbrains](#): > > Asks annoying “why” questions? That’s called “being an engineer”. > [@](#): > > Plays with dolls? And that, “working in a clothing store”. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/23 "2016-05-16T08:30:17Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > what gives you the place to determine that he has a “problem,” and why do you feel entitled to be the one who has to help “fix” it? Can’t you just let people live their lives? There’s something to be said for that. There’s also something to be said for reaching out to someone who may need it. Ken, is this someone you could just talk to about your concerns? You say he’s a relative, but are you the same generation (and interact as peers), or might he view this as interfering (if you’re younger)? I don’t think the psychological approach is the way to go, but it may just be a matter of asking him if he wants to make any changes, and if there’s anything you can do to make him feel more accepted and engaged. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/24 "2016-05-16T13:46:37Z")
Well, about half the posts on this board describe me. But I got through a horrendous period in my life, and spit on the 13 “experts” who told me to go on disability for my physical and mental problems. I work, live alone, and I take care of myself. I think that any adult who can take care of themselves without bothering anybody else has earned the right to live as they choose and be left alone. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/25 "2016-05-16T14:26:47Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > There’s something to be said for that. There’s also something to be said for reaching out to someone who may need it. nothing in the OP demonstrates that said individual “needs” anything other than OP thinks he’s “weird.” So there’s also something to be said for not being a busybody. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/26 "2016-05-16T14:31:02Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I have known several individuals who could be described as childlike. I don’t mean juvenile, as in giggling at fart jokes and the like, but rather seemingly as innocent as a newborn babe. Completely asexual, operating out in La-la Land, but otherwise functioning normally. One I got to know very well here in Thailand was in my Peace Corps group back in the 1980s. He was from Vermont, where he’d been a bank teller. By his accounts, he had a very healthy relationship with both parents and his sisters. He was just innocently childlike. Some people are just like that. > [@Ken001](#): > > Thank you Siam Sam. Your description fits him to a T. > > Innocently childlike. The guy I mentioned, the ex-bank teller, he was also a whiz with numbers, performing complicated calculations in his head in a snap. He spent his two years here down South in Songkhla province, working with pre-schoolers and thoroughly enjoyed it. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/27 "2016-05-16T15:44:31Z")
> [@Ken001](#): > > Happy? Sort of but lonely, low self esteem, and lacking in stimulation. He gets most of it from Discovery/Nat Geo tv channels. Could it be depression? Does he stay physically active? ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/28 "2016-05-16T15:54:39Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > what gives you the place to determine that he has a “problem,” and why do you feel entitled to be the one who has to help “fix” it? Can’t you just let people live their lives? If more people would learn about people with disabilities / what their abilities are and what they can’t do - need help with, then the world would be a better place! To the OP, you are a good person for caring enough about your friend to learn more about him! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/29 "2016-05-16T17:17:51Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > what gives you the place to determine that he has a “problem,” and why do you feel entitled to be the one who has to help “fix” it? Can’t you just let people live their lives? > [@jz78817](#): > > nothing in the OP demonstrates that said individual “needs” anything other than OP thinks he’s “weird.” So there’s also something to be said for not being a busybody. In case you haven’t noticed, the only one saying the person in question is “weird” and “needs to be fixed” is you. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/30 "2016-05-16T19:34:11Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > Two questions: > Are you a doctor? > Is he your patient? > > If you can’t answer yes to both of them you shouldn’t be trying to “diagnose” anything. ^ This. QFT, worth repeating. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/31 "2016-05-16T19:45:06Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > In case you haven’t noticed, the only one saying the person in question is “weird” and “needs to be fixed” is you. That’s true, but \*\*Ken001 \*\* is the one trying to find a DSM diagnosis for this relative of his who is independently wealthy, lives on a nice farm, plays with his pet cat and occasionally owns sheep dogs. Everything **Ken001** has posted about him makes me think he’s a fucking awesome guy. Not exactly the life I’d want for myself, but it sounds more appealing than most people’s lives. ---
**Author:** ![Ken001](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/43a26b/32.png) [@Ken001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ken001)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/32 "2016-05-16T20:07:18Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > If more people would learn about people with disabilities / what their abilities are and what they can’t do - need help with, then the world would be a better place! > > To the OP, you are a good person for caring enough about your friend to learn more about him! Thank you. Much appreciated. I’m not looking for a cure, just some guidance. The reference to the DSM is because nowadays we recognise disorders - such as depression and OCD - which were shrugged off in earlier days. The man is not weird. But there are cynical people who dismiss him that way. I’m not a doctor and this is a close relative, not a patient. I have studied psychology as a side interest because of my career as a lawyer. Dealt with many damaged people over the years. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/33 "2016-05-16T20:28:22Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > Does he have a history of alcohol or drug abuse? I’ve known people with addictions who appeared to be stunted at the age at which their addictions began. The addictions prevented them from gaining life experiences and maturing along the way. Do you have a cite for this? Not that I don’t believe you but it is something I’d want to research further. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2016, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/34 "2016-05-16T20:31:09Z")
> [@Ken001](#): > > Thank you. Much appreciated. > > I’m not looking for a cure, just some guidance. The reference to the DSM is because nowadays we recognise disorders - such as depression and OCD - which were shrugged off in earlier days. > > The man is not weird. But there are cynical people who dismiss him that way. > > I’m not a doctor and this is a close relative, not a patient. I have studied psychology as a side interest because of my career as a lawyer. Dealt with many damaged people over the years. Can you try to put a finer point on what’s wrong with him then? You established that you feel his mind stopped at 15, but you also say it hasn’t stopped him from coping with life. So what’s wrong? I’m not trying to attack you for bringing up the topic at all, but seriously nothing you’ve said about him seems negative to me. Being single and never married by 50 sounds kind of lonely, but as you said that’s more about shyness. Plenty (most) 15 year olds have gotten over shyness and started romantic relationships, so that doesn’t seem to be at issue. Personally I have a hard time imagining a 15 year old being able to handle property management and the leasing aspects of a farm well enough to survive off of the income. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2016, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/35 "2016-05-17T00:30:48Z")
> [@Skywatcher](#): > > In case you haven’t noticed, the only one saying the person in question is “weird” and “needs to be fixed” is you. It’s true I’m the only one using those words, but I’m using them because I think it accurately sums up **Ken001** ’s position. Why else would he consult the DSM IV? This thread irritates me so because about half of his complaints about this person could apply to me. I’m almost 40, single partly due to shyness. I won’t put a number on my emotional age since I can’t objectively quantify that. But all I can say is that if someone like **Ken001** decided it was his place to stick his nose into my business to “help” me, I would immediately cut off all contact with him. I didn’t ask you for help, and I’d think it’s pretty goddamned pompous of you to assume there’s something about me you can “fix.” Worry about your own life. I’ll worry about mine. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2016, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/36 "2016-05-17T00:40:54Z")
> [@Ken001](#): > > I’m not a doctor and this is a close relative, Have you talked to him about this? Is he looking for any help? If you’re not a doctor then diagnosis is not the approach, but if he’s close to you and has specific problems then help him out with those. Maybe he doesn’t go out much because he’s shy but he’d go out with you along. Maybe his shyness prevents him from meeting people and you could help him get to know other people. There’s nothing wrong with trying to help a friend or relative, but as a friend or relative, not a patient. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2016, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/37 "2016-05-17T03:26:01Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > This thread irritates me so because about half of his complaints about this person could apply to me. I’m almost 40, single partly due to shyness. I won’t put a number on my emotional age since I can’t objectively quantify that. But all I can say is that if someone like **Ken001** decided it was his place to stick his nose into my business to “help” me, I would immediately cut off all contact with him. I didn’t ask you for help, and I’d think it’s pretty goddamned pompous of you to assume there’s something about me you can “fix.” I see a lot of myself in the OP’s description as well; things in my life that I’m dissatisfied with but don’t really know how to change. I don’t think I’d want a friend trying to diagnose and cure me behind my back, but there should be a way to offer help if it’s born out of genuine kindness and concern. There you have it, two sincere, and completely contradictory answers. The OP is probably more confused than when he started this thread. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2016, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/38 "2016-05-17T07:54:31Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > The guy I mentioned, the ex-bank teller, he was also a whiz with numbers, He spent his two years here down South in Songkhla province, working with pre-schoolers and thoroughly enjoyed it. In what way was he child-like? You say that he held a responsible adult-type job as a bank teller, which requires a little math, but also a lot of normal social skills. Then he chose to leave his comfortable home in Vermont to join the Peace Corps. That means he had the maturity and initiative to apply to a program that doesn’t accept every applicant, and then travel and adapt to a very, very different culture. To me , that sounds like an adult who functions pretty well. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2016, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/39 "2016-05-17T10:06:37Z")
**Sam** already said, in the same post in which he mentions the Peace Corps: > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I have known several individuals who could be described as childlike. I don’t mean juvenile, as in giggling at fart jokes and the like, but rather seemingly as innocent as a newborn babe. Completely asexual, operating out in La-la Land, but otherwise functioning normally. … Some people are just like that. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2016, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816/40 "2016-05-17T15:34:08Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > It’s true I’m the only one using those words, but I’m using them because I think it accurately sums up **Ken001** ’s position. Why else would he consult the DSM IV? Answered in post #32. > [@](#): > > This thread irritates me so because about half of his complaints about this person could apply to me. I’m almost 40, single partly due to shyness. I won’t put a number on my emotional age since I can’t objectively quantify that. But all I can say is that if someone like **Ken001** decided it was his place to stick his nose into my business to “help” me, I would immediately cut off all contact with him. I didn’t ask you for help, and I’d think it’s pretty goddamned pompous of you to assume there’s something about me you can “fix.” You’re projecting. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I see a lot of myself in the OP’s description as well; things in my life that I’m dissatisfied with but don’t really know how to change. I don’t think I’d want a friend trying to diagnose and cure me behind my back, but there should be a way to offer help if it’s born out of genuine kindness and concern. Likewise. I’ll be 50 in a couple years and see a lot of myself in that description, too. Flip the gender and it’s a good description of my SO as well. The woman is 53 and has Disney Channel on all day long. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-friend-who-is-childlike-diagnosis/754816.md?page=3)