# Adult woman throws temper tantrum because hubby won't take her to the lake. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 23, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300 "2013-07-23T15:45:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/201 "2013-07-28T06:27:12Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > If it was just a case of “no stores that sell smokes” then he would have said, “calm the fuck down, we’ll get your damn smokes when I find a store.” > [@Tracijo67](#): > > Wouldn’t a more mature, and less douchey approach, have been to just tell her, “you’re behaving like a child and I am not going to discuss anything with you until you can get yourself under control” Based on all the complaining in this thread that he was condescending and talked down to her like she was a little child, wouldn’t “_calm the fuck down_” and “_you’re behaving like a child and I am not going to discuss anything with you until you can get yourself under control_” be further instances of him being condescending? As far as I know, telling someone in that state to “calm down” is never a good idea. As a general question, for the people who are claiming he was “taunting” her “while calm and cool and collected”, or he was “pushing her buttons”, or “winding her up”, what sort of response would have been more appropriate when she started behaving like that? ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/202 "2013-07-28T06:32:26Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > The woman was a childish basket case. The dud was a smug asshole This is basically the best TL;DR of the video. Seeing so many posts trying to spin it so many different ways, to take responsibility off her for her emotionally-stunted, severely disturbed womanchild behavior has been sad to watch. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/203 "2013-07-28T07:34:16Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > I’m not saying that anybody defending her is guilty of the same thing. But people who are like “Yeah what she did looks bad, but nobody’s perfect, …” or similar statements, seem to be people who have done similar things in the past (because excusing such aberrant behavior with “nobody’s perfect” seems off). Maybe I’m wrong, that’s why I asked if others felt the same way. Selective memory? Let’s look at a previous post. > [@Polerius](#): > > Some **men/women in this thread** “defending” what she did, by saying he was winding her up or being a jerk or whatever, and not acknowledging that no matter how much someone winds you up or is being a jerk to you, you are not supposed to act like a four-year-old and throw a tantrum (a fake one at that, since she was calm when using her phone), **seem like real catches**. my bolding. OK, technically you are not outright stating it, but the implication is completely clear. And you must be right. There’s no way that people could be mature enough to provide nuanced views of a situation. Anyone who fails to see something and reach your same conclusion must be guilty. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/204 "2013-07-28T07:36:30Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Yeah, because he didn’t stop the car to get cigarettes within the three minutes of the video (that you state you haven’t even seen), he is _literally_ worse than Hilter :rolleyes: > > I don’t know why so many people in this thread are hanging their hats on this not-stopping-for-cigarettes nonsense. We don’t know where they are, we don’t know if there is a store with cigarettes in the vicinity at the instant she makes her request, we don’t know if they just arrived home at the end of the video, etc. There is so much we don’t know regarding the cigarette situation, that, to use this to paint him in a bad light is stupid. > > There already clearly-established facts that make him out to be a jerk (major one being posting this on the web for all the world to laugh at his wife), I don’t know why you guys are hung up on the cigarette thing, when we don’t know enough to qualify this as a definitive case of bad behavior. He’s a jerk because he’s got her trapped in the car. She’s a whiny brat who needs to grow up and deal with her substance problems, but she doesn’t deserve to be trapped in a car. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/205 "2013-07-28T12:06:06Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Based on all the complaining in this thread that he was condescending and talked down to her like she was a little child, wouldn’t “_calm the fuck down_” and “_you’re behaving like a child and I am not going to discuss anything with you until you can get yourself under control_” be further instances of him being condescending? > > As far as I know, telling someone in that state to “calm down” is never a good idea. > > As a general question, for the people who are claiming he was “taunting” her “while calm and cool and collected”, or he was “pushing her buttons”, or “winding her up”, what sort of response would have been more appropriate when she started behaving like that? When we were kids, we used to design brilliant kid ways of taunting and tormenting each other all while our behaviors passed parental inspection. Mom would never know why, for example, my sister was all kinds of a sobbing mess because our brother was rubbing his eyebrow or sucking in air through his teeth. The moment she’d figure out the taunt code, a new one would be devised. His behavior reminds me of that, only it’s not a code, it is flatly deliberate. He isn’t trying to justify himself with his calm ‘daddy’ tone. He isn’t seeking her understanding. He is deliberately winding her up. What would NOT deliberately provoking her look like, while also not feeling that he needs to roll over and display his soft underside? “Crazybitch (or whatever her name is), I am NOT going to discuss this with you until you calm down.” … and then proceeding to shut up, not video record the meltdown, let her continue to moan and rock in probable withdrawal (he did firmly and fairly set the parameters for when they’d speak again). Would she have continued to screech and howl? Probably. Until she figured out that it wasn’t getting her anywhere. Her behavior, in any event, would not be relevant. He could tell himself that he really IS the adult, question how and why he got himself into Crazytown, and just done what he needed to do to reduce the population by one. If anyone still thinks that I am apologist for WIFE based on her gender, I would suggest that your own bias may be creeping in. I flatly dismiss her as irredeemable, until she gets a handle on the rage issues and the chemical dependency. I wouldn’t rattle her cage though, just to watch her perform. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/206 "2013-07-28T13:06:32Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > As a general question, for the people who are claiming he was “taunting” her “while calm and cool and collected”, or he was “pushing her buttons”, or “winding her up”, what sort of response would have been more appropriate when she started behaving like that? “Hon, I can tell that you are really upset about this, and you must be really disappointed about how the day is going. I’d like to talk about it, but it’s hard to communicate with you like this right now. I am going to pull over for a few minutes and take a walk around the block while you calm down. When I get back, we can figure out our game plan.” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/207 "2013-07-28T13:26:15Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > “Hon, I can tell that you are really upset about this, and you must be really disappointed about how the day is going. I’d like to talk about it, but it’s hard to communicate with you like this right now. I am going to pull over for a few minutes and take a walk around the block while you calm down. When I get back, we can figure out our game plan.” And since she can turn it on and off at will, as witnessed by her typing on her phone in mid-rant, she would simply turn the tantrum off while he was out of the car and start up again on his return. Of course, on Facebook it would be “he ABANDONED ME IN TRAFFIC AND I CAN’T DRIVE!!!” Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/208 "2013-07-28T14:36:55Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > And since she can turn it on and off at will, as witnessed by her typing on her phone in mid-rant, she would simply turn the tantrum off while he was out of the car and start up again on his return. > > Of course, on Facebook it would be “he ABANDONED ME IN TRAFFIC AND I CAN’T DRIVE!!!” > > Regards, > Shodan This isn’t about her reaction. It is about what one can reasonably control, which is his/her OWN emotions, and to behave accordingly. His response was just as ugly as hers (both in how he behaved and then in his shocking choice to upload it for millions of viewers to see). That makes him a bad guy too. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/209 "2013-07-28T14:38:09Z")
> [@](#): > > As far as I know, telling someone in that state to “calm down” is never a good idea. “Relax” rarely works out well either. That can get a person’s eyes scratched out. Don’t ask me how I know that. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/210 "2013-07-28T14:40:51Z")
> [@Girlundone](#): > > “Relax” rarely works out well either. That can get a person’s eyes scratched out. Don’t ask me how I know that. What about “Chill bitch, I’m filming this. You’ll look silly to the whole world”. It would have been honest… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/211 "2013-07-28T15:35:29Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Selective memory? Let’s look at a previous post. > > my bolding. > > OK, technically you are not outright stating it, but the implication is completely clear. > > And you must be right. There’s no way that people could be mature enough to provide nuanced views of a situation. Anyone who fails to see something and reach your same conclusion must be guilty. Thank you **TokyoBayer**. **Tracijo67** you are exactly correct. but I think we all agree that both the people in the video are horrible people. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/212 "2013-07-28T16:34:58Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > What about “Chill bitch, I’m filming this. You’ll look silly to the whole world”. > > It would have been honest… Actually, it might have been effective, too. Of course, she probably wouldn’t have realized just how childish she seemed in that video. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/213 "2013-07-28T17:01:28Z")
For the record, “Calm Down” usually drives people crazy because the person using it uses it on people who are NOT in the throes of a nuclear melt down! When someone really is totally losing their shit and screeching at the top of their lungs and literally in full blown tantrum mode, I don’t think saying ‘calm down’ will really cause them to freak out even more. She was at level 11 already. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/214 "2013-07-28T17:40:18Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > "Hon, I can tell that you are really upset about this, and you must be really disappointed about how the day is going. Maybe it’s because I’m in a calm state now, but just reading that makes my blood pressure rise a bit as it sounds a bit condescending and artificial–you know, like that Jim and Pam scene from the Office where they go to therapy and start talking in that affected manner that no actual humans I know do, so much so that Clark thinks they’re on drugs and asks them for some.I mean, really? “You must be really disappointed about how the day is going”? That just sounds forced, insincere, and condescending to me, no matter what tone of voice you apply to it. Maybe you can say that to a 5-year-old, but a grown person, no matter how childish they’re acting, is a bit much. Anyhow, the guy is a giant douchebag for recording this and putting it on the Internet for all to see. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/215 "2013-07-28T18:28:36Z")
Maybe he thought letting someone totally out of control out of the car could create a public safety problem, and that that might take precedence over catering to the tantrum and rewarding her by giving in? Oh wait, he has a penis. This automatically makes him the villain of the piece. ---
**Author:** ![Asympotically\_fat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e47c2d/32.png) [@Asympotically\_fat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asympotically_fat)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/216 "2013-07-28T18:36:27Z")
I think anyone painting him as the villain of the piece needs to seriously examine the way they view the World! A grown-up woman behaving in a way that most people wouldn’t find as acceptable (though perhaps not unexpected behaviour) from a 5 year-old has no excuses whatsoever as there is never a reason to behave like that. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/217 "2013-07-28T18:41:34Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Anyhow, the guy is a giant douchebag for recording this and putting it on the Internet for all to see. Sounds like tit-for-tat if you believe his side of the story that she was demonizing him on social media, which she practically admitted to doing so in the video. I’d be pissed, but then I don’t make it a habit of airing my marital spats on social media. It would seem, however, that’s par for the course for Mrs. Meltdown. ---
**Author:** ![MN\_Maenad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e95f7d/32.png) [@MN\_Maenad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MN_Maenad)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/218 "2013-07-28T18:55:04Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > “A wife who was filmed by her husband having a temper tantrum in their car has hit back at her partner and said she is filing for divorce after just **14 months of marriage**.” > [Temper tantrum wife Whitney Mongiat says husband tricked her into car video and she's filing for divorce | Daily Mail Online](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2377539/Temper-tantrum-wife-Whitney-Mongiat-says-husband-tricked-car-video-shes-filing-divorce.html) Bolding mine. So, these two are barely out of the honeymoon period and she has already established a pattern of trash talking him on FB? Wow. That’s an impressive level of dysfunction. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@Tequila\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Party)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/219 "2013-07-28T19:06:04Z")
> [@Seanette](#): > > Oh wait, he has a penis. This automatically makes him the villain of the piece. As a woman here, I seem to mostly be on the opposite side of the misogyny wars, and I found these two to completely deserve each other. But I gotta ask; do you really think the above is majority stance of posters in this thread? If I squint my eyes right and cock my head, I can believe it of one or two, but it looks like most people seem to have legitimate gripes against both factions. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300/220 "2013-07-28T19:11:58Z")
Looks to me like the majority of posters are bending over backward to put the majority of the fault on the husband. Closer to 60/40 her, IMO. Sure, videoing something like this and posting it is a jerk move, no argument there, but I can see his point about documenting her behavior to show the people she’s been bad-mouthing him to just what he’s dealing with and hopefully show her just how much she needs to dry out. (Still wondering, if she’s a nurse, what her employers think about her substance issues and lack of maturity/self-control?) I still wouldn’t want to have to put up with either of them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/adult-woman-throws-temper-tantrum-because-hubby-wont-take-her-to-the-lake/664300.md?page=12)