Would you really say that?
it’s adultery. If you don’t want to be faithful to your spouse, don’t marry in the first place or get a divorce. A marriage with two adulterers isn’t “ok,” it just insn’t an honorable marriage. Not everyone places value in Honor.
I don’t know. I would find it very difficult to remaary under those circumstances in the first place.
I do think that were that ever to befall your truly, the guilt of not only remarrying someone else, but also symbolically “leaving her for dead,” in one of the most drastic ways possible would so overwhelm me that the new marriage would doubtless flounder anyway.
OR…
I would suddenly be open to a more “unconventional” marraige, [;)] . Seriously though, I would consider having two wives under that instance, so long as it was at least somewhat legal.
In all honesty, trying to predict what I would do in that instance is analagous to trying to predict where a particular branch on a particular tree will end up in the wake of a Tornado following a hurricane following an Earthquake. I simply have no idea.
It’s wrong because you are breaking a contract, to say the least. Of course, there are other things such as betraying your partner’s trust, making a mockery of a social institution, etc.
Thanks for clarifying that! I must admit that I found your earlier pronouncement somewhat disturbing…that you would tell the latter ‘wife’ to piss-off when the previous partner came back, reagardless of the relationship you had developed with her in the meantime. I too would have no idea how I would behave under the circumstances.
Which just goes to show that there really IS no black and white when it comes to human relationships…?
An oath or vow often sworn in a church, before God, family and friends as witnesses. Breaking that vow publicly brands you a liar to all of them. Marriage without fidelity is just a lie.
WillSantini, that’s actually a big problem I had with The Bridges of Madison County and why I won’t watch it. To me, falling in love is, to some extent a choice, and, more to the point, acting on it is definitely a choice. To me, falling in love with someone and leaving your spouse for them is not romantic; it’s dishonorable. Also, on a more practical level, if you’re the person who the married person falls in love with, I figure there’s no guarantee that a few years down the road she won’t decide she’s madly in love with someone else and walk out on you. Sorry, I want better than that.
Life is not easy. Neither is marriage. I am a very firm believer that when one gives one’s vow, one is obligated to keep it. If there is a problem, you do everything you can to solve it. Having an affair is something akin to what a psychologist friend of mine calls “the geographical solution”: if I move, it will solve my problems.
That said, I have no problem with open marriages. In fact, two of my closest friends are in one. It took a long while for me to wrap my mind around the idea, but I know and love both of them, and I had plenty of opportunity to see the way their marriage works. It is one of the strongest and most beautiful bonds I’ve had the privilege of seeing. The boundaries are clear and well defined, and, I think because it’s done so explicitly, it’s removed the possibility of jealousy. I’m closer to the husband than the wife; in fact, he probably knows me better than anyone on the face of the earth. I also know him very well, and one of the things I respect most about him is his relationship with his wife is the most important relationship in his life, if not the most important thing period.
I would not consider adultery to necessarily be grounds for divorce, but I do consider it very damage to marriage, which is an institution I personally hold sacred. In my particular hypothetical case (I’ve never married), it would be grounds for a very long talk and possibly couseling. I’d also point out that I don’t have a problem with open marriages, and a solution could have been worked out that did not involve, bluntly, betrayal.
I’ve been accused of being a liberal, anything-goes type of Christian because I’m not anti-homosexual. In this case, I’m afraid I’m not tolerant. Adultery, which to me is included under breaking one’s vows and betraying another person’s trust, is never right. Even if feelings get beyond our control, our actions shouldn’t. Is there any difference between a man who justifies hitting his wife because he couldn’t help getting mad, and a woman having sex with a man other than her husband because she couldn’t help falling in love?
Respectfully,
CJ
IMHO, there’s a big difference between physical assault and battery versus adultery. I’ve had both done to me. I’ll take the adultery anyday.
Sorry – I should have made it more clear I was looking at justification as opposed to action. Assault, to me, is grounds for divorce as soon as practical and for getting the person who assaulted me out of the house. That doesn’t apply to adultery.
CJ
Forgive me if I say anything that’s been said already, and my lack of attributing quote ;)…
Do two wrongs make a right, then? (not that I, in any way, justify abuse of any sort towards another person)
I tend to agree with this. I also find marriage vows to be sacred, and I honestly don’t see any grey area when it comes to adultury. I find it plain wrong and a violation of something that is extremely sacred. The only “grey area” would be if a couple views their vows as something of simple rhetoric, and finds no issue with the other’s lack of faithfulness. IMHO, though, that is not a marriage, but a carnally based relationship. (did I use the word carnal in the right way?)
Spot on to how I see things. Yeah, I didn’t really need to post here, but just wanted give my opinion.
I knew that didn’t sound like you CJ.
I can’t make blanket statements as far as this issue goes. I don’t see things in asbolutes. It would depend entirely on the circumstances in each situation.
And I’m of the school of thought that you really can’t control who you fall in love with, or when. That’s one of the most magical (and tricky) parts of life.
The only times I would say adultery is right is when the marriage exists in name only. For all emotional and spiritual purposes it has been mutual dissolved or never really existed at all.
There’s a few ways this could happen, most of which have already been listed:[ul][li]The marriage is abusive, and the abused partner fears to leave. He or she should leave, for many reasons, not the least of which is that the new partner is possibly endangered, but it’s an imperfect world. []One spouse abandons the other, and cannot be found to formalize a divorce. []Debilitating mental illness. The diseased partner is effectively gone. I’m not counting other diseases where the afflicted retains most of their mental capacity, even if they can’t meet the other’s needs fully. In that case, sacrifices must be made, or the marriage fully ended (or perhaps redifined with mutual consesnt. I’m not sure what I feel about open marriage, but I can’t really condemn what consenting adults do). [/ul][/li]
And that’s just about it. There are more situations where adultery is forgiveable, but still wrong. If a spouse is presumed dead and the partner remarries (or at least takes another lover), and then returns, then the “survivor” faces a difficult decision. He or she must chose one or the other, and I won’t say the first marriage marriage should have priority.
Adultery is OK if you give notice first. (In giving notice, you are rescinding the promise).
My rule, as a person who doesn’t do marriage, is that I don’t have sex with married people unless they either have an open marriage to begin with or have given notice that their partner may not count on fidelity.