# Advice about Jewish taboos regarding menstruating women needed (TMI) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2006, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273 "2006-01-10T04:31:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/21 "2006-01-11T05:01:23Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > If the man and woman are married, it is forbidden for him to touch her from when she starts menstruating until she has finished bleeding, waited seven days, and immersed in a mikvah (ritual pool). Wait, touch her at all, or sexually? You can’t hold hands, or anything? ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/22 "2006-01-11T06:24:55Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > I think what **AuntBeast** is saying is that her friend’s mother isn’t Jewish; therefore, his Orthodox friends didn’t consider him to be Jewish, regardless of his practices or beliefs. Yes, I apologize for not being clear. On a lighter note, my ex-jewish-boyfriends parents who hated me, were forever denied their favorite dish at the local chinese resteraunt when I asked what the sauce was and it was Oyster Sauce, they kept kosher, btw. It still brings me joy. but really only because his mothers first words to me were “You almost killed my husband.” Kinda sad the OP hasn’t even had her first date yet and we have her married with kids already. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/23 "2006-01-11T06:30:10Z")
Guinastasia: > [@](#): > > Wait, touch her at all, or sexually? You can’t hold hands, or anything? Oh, you’re going to love this…not only are husband and wife not supposed to touch while wifey is in the “niddah” state, but they aren’t supposed to hand objects directly to one another, serve food to one another, eat one another’s leftovers…there’s an extensive list of no-nos. Take it from me, it’s a pain in the neck to live that way for twelve days of every month…sometimes you wait for mikvah night more for the convenience than for the sex! The Rabbinical thinking behind this is that husband and wife, being so intimately in love with one another, need extra mental barriers to help keep them from sinning when sex is forbidden. These additional stringencies do not apply to a man and woman who are not married to one another (though the touching one does). ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/24 "2006-01-11T10:47:29Z")
**cmkeller** , I have a lot of respect for you and your wife. Really, to do all of these things because they’re right, even when it’s difficult and inconvenient takes a lot of personal strength. Hats off to you and your missus. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/25 "2006-01-11T10:59:36Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Speaking as a non-Orthodox Israeli guy, I have to admit that the idea of vaginal sex during menstruation does seem pretty icky. But anything up to that is cool. Another Israeli voting for, under these conditions, “anything goes but the very last bit.” Like others have said – he’s asked a _Shiksa_ out? He’s going to an (implcitly) non-kosher restaurant? He’s not going to let Jewish-religious issues get in the way. Now what he’s like as a “person”, globally speaking? I guess you’ll find out shortly enough… Good luck 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/26 "2006-01-11T11:46:10Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#): > > On a lighter note, my ex-jewish-boyfriends parents who hated me, were forever denied their favorite dish at the local chinese resteraunt when I asked what the sauce was and it was Oyster Sauce, they kept kosher, btw. It still brings me joy. but really only because his mothers first words to me were “You almost killed my husband.” most oyster sauce these days don’t contain oysters. read the label. i’m not sure but expect that makes the sauce no longer traf but probably couldn’t find kosher imitation chinese oyster sauce ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/27 "2006-01-11T13:14:30Z")
> [@cmkeller](#): > > While I wouldn’t be much help regarding you other questions, I’ll answer this one: Orthodox Jewish men are forbidden to touch a woman they’re not married to (or closely related to, as parents or siblings) regardless of whether or not they are menstruating. (Obviously there are exceptions to this rule for doctors and the like.) > > If the man and woman are married, it is forbidden for him to touch her from when she starts menstruating until she has finished bleeding, waited seven days, and immersed in a mikvah (ritual pool). I think I read somewhere this is to ensure they don’t touch a menstruating woman, i.e., they’d know if their wife was, but would avoid awkward situations such as the OP’s. Is that right??? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/28 "2006-01-11T13:24:34Z")
**cmk** –While we’re on the subject, if you don’t mind– I assume that you may touch your wife in a true emergency during those twelve days (like, she’s drowning, and you have to pull her out), but what about a medical non-emergency? Like if she has a splinter. Can you help her get it out? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/29 "2006-01-11T15:00:06Z")
Take off and nuke the site from orbit; it’s the only way to be sure. Err… I mean… _talk to him about it_; unless he’s a strict adherent to some clearly-defined code of behaviour, his views on any given subject are less than predictable - _ask him_ - it’s the only way to be sure ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/30 "2006-01-11T15:39:22Z")
Kalhoun: > [@](#): > > I think I read somewhere this is to ensure they don’t touch a menstruating woman, i.e., they’d know if their wife was, but would avoid awkward situations such as the OP’s. Is that right??? No, it’s a modesty practice - touching could lead to sexual arousal, which is to be avoided if the person in question is sexually forbidden. Green Bean: > [@](#): > > but what about a medical non-emergency? Like if she has a splinter. Can you help her get it out? Well, you could touch her with a tweezers or a needle to get a splinter out. If you can avoid it, you should make every attempt to. Obviously, slips will happen, but these barriers are there more as a reminder than as a “law” that requires reward of obedience and punishment for defiance. As long as one is taking measures to try to adhere to these practices, they’re serving their purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/31 "2006-01-11T20:31:01Z")
No offense, and I understand the rules, but it kinda sucks. Backrubs are good for cramps. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/32 "2006-01-11T20:52:20Z")
No argument there, Guin. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/33 "2006-01-11T23:23:00Z")
Could you give your cramping wife a backrub if you wore soft, mink gloves? ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273/34 "2006-01-11T23:30:27Z")
No, clothes make no difference for this rule. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-about-jewish-taboos-regarding-menstruating-women-needed-tmi/339273.md?page=1)