# Advice columnist: Trump raped me in a fitting room **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 25, 2019, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042 "2019-06-25T16:34:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/162 "2019-06-28T18:20:38Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > It’s total bullshit. > > Women should come forward to the proper authorities. They should feel comfortable coming forward when they do so, and be treated appropriately. When they don’t, why they didn’t is pertinent and valid across multiple dimensions. Asking “why” they don’t when they don’t is not what causes them not to. Treating them like shit when they do is what causes it. These are two different things. Yes, and I’m saying that you are crossing into the “treating them like shit” category. Maybe just a little bit, and others in this thread have been worse, but you’re still adding a little bit onto that big pile of crap. ---
**Author:** ![snoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@snoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snoe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/163 "2019-06-28T18:22:47Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Thanks for sharing that, **snoe**. > > Have you read the stories from [Terry Crews](https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/oct/11/actor-terry-crews-sexually-assaulted-by-hollywood-executive) and [Brendan Fraser](https://variety.com/2018/film/news/brendan-fraser-hfpa-ex-president-sexually-assaulted-him-1202707850/)about their experiences? I’m not sure how what they went through compares to your experience, but the shame, anxiety and fear around reporting being molested applies even when the victims are big muscular men. And even after they came forward, in the midst of the #MeToo wave, there were those who openly mocked them for the events that traumatized them. The power of the truth may not stop assholes from being assholes, but it helps others who may feel powerless. I will check the Crews and Fraser stories out, thanks! I really appreciate it, and other supportive comments from others. There are women posting in this thread who’ve experienced far worse and whose experiences are more relevant to the OP than mine. I just wanted to point out that talking about this is really hard, and we shouldn’t be surprised when people don’t want to talk about it. When it happens to you _over and over_, as it has to many women, I can only imagine how you just start to push it down. Go back to debating the plausibility of Carroll’s story, guys. To me, it sounds pretty plausible. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/164 "2019-06-28T18:43:26Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Yes, and I’m saying that you are crossing into the “treating them like shit” category. Maybe just a little bit, and others in this thread have been worse, but you’re still adding a little bit onto that big pile of crap. I disagree very strongly. The fact is that there are false accusations of rape. I would venture a WAG and say that a disproportionate # of those false allegations are directed at the rich wealthy and famous since there is little potential value in falsely accusing some random schlub. The result of this is that the Brawley’s and the Duke Lacrosse accuser, the Swetnicks of the world are disproportionately etched along the consciousness of the public as the faces of women claiming sexual assault. These few high profile false accusations do great damage to the truthful majority. They are seen through that lens. If we look back critically at these high profile accusations that turned out to be false, it seems to me that there are some commonalities. One of the biggest ones is that instead of going to the police, the accuser goes to the press or the media. I think we are not suspicious of an accusation made against a high profile person, who chooses to prosecute their accusation in the media instead of the legal system, we are being naive. Doubly so, when a motive such as accusation timed to release of book and made during publicity tour, is apparent. False accusers are an enemy of legitimate rape victims. If this women is given uncritical support and it turns out that this was a fabrication it will be very damaging to the next person who comes forward. Being critical and skeptical is the correct move here. ---
**Author:** ![snoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@snoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snoe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/165 "2019-06-28T18:46:05Z")
Coincidentally, this interview with Carroll showed up in my podcast feed. [‎Slate News on Apple Podcasts](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/trumpcast/id1093260018#episodeGuid=5e5b0bf6-b1ee-11e8-8304-4be9f9d6885e) (It’s the Trumpcast from Slate for non-Apple people.) Sixteen minutes in, it’s a great interview. Carroll’s a character, and still sharp as a rack. Loving it. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/166 "2019-06-28T18:53:49Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > Being critical and skeptical is the correct move here. And yet, when somebody pointed out that your description of events was off, you responded by claiming that it was a personal attack, not worthy of a response, and a change of topic. Why are you refusing to apply a critical eye to the events? ---
**Author:** ![snoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@snoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snoe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/167 "2019-06-28T18:55:02Z")
> [@](#): > > If this women is given uncritical support and it turns out that this was a fabrication it will be very damaging to the next person who comes forward. > > Being critical and skeptical is the correct move here. Oh, she’s getting plenty of skepticism and criticism. Don’t worry about that. And there’s a lot less attention paid to her allegations in mainstream media than they warrant, as well, so I think future accusers of our President will be undamaged by any attempt to say “but what about E Jean Carroll?” Most people will say “who?” ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/168 "2019-06-28T18:55:59Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > Being critical and skeptical is the correct move here. I’d say being agnostic would be the best move, if you weren’t convinced Trump did it. Which means you wouldn’t characterize her account with negative adjectives or imply she didn’t act the way you’d expect a legitimate rape victim to act. You would simply reserve judgement and say you didn’t know what the truth was. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/169 "2019-06-28T18:56:29Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > I disagree very strongly. The fact is that there are false accusations of rape. I would venture a WAG and say that a disproportionate # of those false allegations are directed at the rich wealthy and famous since there is little potential value in falsely accusing some random schlub. Wild guesses like this have no value in this kind of discussion. > [@](#): > > The result of this is that the Brawley’s and the Duke Lacrosse accuser, the Swetnicks of the world are disproportionately etched along the consciousness of the public as the faces of women claiming sexual assault. Swetnick made an uncorroborated accusation – that’s very different than the (relatively few) others who made provably false accusations. And yet you lump her in together, even with no knowledge of whether or not she told the truth. How is that going to make other survivors feel when they consider when to come forward? > [@](#): > > These few high profile false accusations do great damage to the truthful majority. They are seen through that lens. > > If we look back critically at these high profile accusations that turned out to be false, it seems to me that there are some commonalities. One of the biggest ones is that instead of going to the police, the accuser goes to the press or the media. This is more guessing. But even setting that aside, going to the police can be extremely dangerous for women. Why would it be surprising that some might choose the media? The media has actually made some progress on that, even as they have tons of progress more needed. No longer are accusers treated like shit by every prominent outlet… now they are just treated like shit by some. > [@](#): > > I think we are not suspicious of an accusation made against a high profile person, who chooses to prosecute their accusation in the media instead of the legal system, we are being naive. Doubly so, when a motive such as accusation timed to release of book and made during publicity tour, is apparent. Feel free to feel skepticism… just don’t imply dishonesty, greed, and worse. Further, in this particular case, why would you be skeptical? Trump bragged about sexual assault and violating women’s consent, on multiple occasions. He’s regularly denigrated women with misogynistic language. There have been over a dozen credible accusations against him. Carroll already has a long career, reputation, etc. She’s not hurting for money. She’s a successful writer, and her book would probably do well with or without anything about Trump. Are you seriously saying that a successful and wealthy person probably lied about rape just to be slightly more wealthy and successful, with no actual evidence of dishonesty? That’s nuts. And worse than nuts, it’s harmful to victims and survivors who might be thinking about speaking out. > [@](#): > > False accusers are an enemy of legitimate rape victims. > > If this women is given uncritical support and it turns out that this was a fabrication it will be very damaging to the next person who comes forward. False accusations always do damage, and are well worth criticizing. False accusers are doing terrible things. But implying an accusation is false without any actual evidence that it’s false is just as harmful, if not more so. And this is far, far more common than actual false accusations. Every accusation of a prominent man is greeted with assertions that it’s false, and that she’s a liar. Relatively few of them turn out to be false, but all of those assertions of dishonesty make future women less likely to speak out. > [@](#): > > Being critical and skeptical is the correct move here. Be skeptical all you want. But critical? There’s nothing to criticize. There’s no evidence Carroll has done anything dishonest or otherwise wrong. She’s simply told her story. It’s always okay for women to do that, no matter what. There’s never anything wrong with telling one’s story, or writing about it, or discussing it in any other way. As long as it’s honest, and we have no reason to believe it is not. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/170 "2019-06-28T19:03:30Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > It’s total bullshit. > > Women should come forward to the proper authorities. They should feel comfortable coming forward when they do so, and be treated appropriately. When they don’t, why they didn’t is pertinent and valid across multiple dimensions. Asking “why” they don’t when they don’t is not what causes them not to. Treating them like shit when they do is what causes it. These are two different things. I think either purposely or dumbly (your choice) misconstruing a victim’s account is a pretty big part of “treating them like shit.” So congratulations. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/171 "2019-06-28T19:25:51Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > She’s simply told her story. It’s always okay for women to do that, no matter what. There’s never anything wrong with telling one’s story, or writing about it, or discussing it in any other way. As long as it’s honest, and we have no reason to believe it is not. You are being absolutist. It is not “ always ok.” Telling her story does not happen in a vacuum. It has consequences for her and her accuser. That is the unfortunate reality and to pretend otherwise is dangerously naive. And who decides whether she is being “honest,” or not? I think she is being dishonest. I think there is reason to disbelieve her. Apparently, you don’t. I **am** following your rule about how we treat accusers, by evaluating whether I feel she is being honest and whether there is good reason to doubt her story. You are too. We have come to opposite conclusions, though. The problem is that your rule sucks because it is relative, subjective and ambiguous. Perhaps if we discussed this and argued about it for a few thousand years, we might come up with some sort of protocol or system for dealing with these sort of things. We might call it a legal system or something and create courts and police in an attempt to serve justice. We have these things. You might have noticed. If you seek justice, you avail yourself of them. They are imperfect, but they are the best we have. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/172 "2019-06-28T19:43:58Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > And yet, when somebody pointed out that your description of events was off, you responded by claiming that it was a personal attack, not worthy of a response, and a change of topic. Why are you refusing to apply a critical eye to the events? No. They actually claimed that I lied. He didn’t use that word but that’s what it was. In my experience that’s A discussion killer. I can ignore it, or I can have a meta-discussion where we dissect what I said, it’s context, my sources and I defend what I said against the accusation of lying. It becomes about me. I’ve been down that road so many times and watched it happen to others so many times. It gets ugly and personal, nothing interesting is discussed. There are tons of ways to have discussions without going that route. Almost everybody else here does it, and is generally pretty careful about making their arguments in such a way that they are not attacking the person or the integrity of their fellow debators. I would like to avoid pissing contests, so when it happens to be directed at me, I ignore it. If the person comes back I try to explain politely that I refuse to engage the subject matter. It’s not starving a troll, but it’s a similar concept. You don’t reward arguments directed at you that way by responding to their substance. Or at least I try not to. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Wizerables](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@Les\_Wizerables](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Wizerables)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/173 "2019-06-28T19:56:06Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > But you did. > > That’s the change of topic I was talking about. You are calling me a liar. My suggestion is this: If you think somebody is lying or providing false information. don’t waste your time debating them. > > If you do want them talk to them don’t lead off with calling them a liar. > > When someone goes that route with me, I make it a point of not giving them what they want by responding to the arguments. > > I say this not because I am offended. I am truly not. I don’t care. It’s just not a conducive start to a productive or interesting discussion. OK, but you said: “Women should come forward to the proper authorities. They should feel comfortable coming forward when they do so, and be treated appropriately. When they don’t, why they didn’t is pertinent and valid across multiple dimensions.” I assume that means you think the discussion of why women don’t come forward is on-topic. As is how they are treated when they do come forward. Given that, how is it off-topic to evaluate how you are treating this woman who has come forward? If people may be mischaracterizing or outright lying about a woman’s account of a sexual assault in an effort to discredit her, doesn’t a discussion about whether they are actually doing so go to the heart of the point you made in the above quote? ---
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/174 "2019-06-28T19:57:37Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > Yes, let’s talk about your line of business: [“Unreported sexual assaults surge at military academies, Pentagon finds.”](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/31/us/politics/military-sexual-assault.html) > > Combat pilot turned senator: “[Like many victims, I felt the system was raping me all over again.](https://www.cnn.com/2019/03/06/politics/martha-mcsally-rape-sexual-assault-survivor/index.html)” Wow, you do have an issue with the military. Does it color every issue for you? ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Wizerables](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c89c15/32.png) [@Les\_Wizerables](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Wizerables)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/175 "2019-06-28T20:01:55Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > No. They actually claimed that I lied. He didn’t use that word but that’s what it was. In my experience that’s A discussion killer. > > I can ignore it, or I can have a meta-discussion where we dissect what I said, it’s context, my sources and I defend what I said against the accusation of lying. It becomes about me. I’ve been down that road so many times and watched it happen to others so many times. It gets ugly and personal, nothing interesting is discussed. > > There are tons of ways to have discussions without going that route. Almost everybody else here does it, and is generally pretty careful about making their arguments in such a way that they are not attacking the person or the integrity of their fellow debators. > > I would like to avoid pissing contests, so when it happens to be directed at me, I ignore it. If the person comes back I try to explain politely that I refuse to engage the subject matter. > > It’s not starving a troll, but it’s a similar concept. You don’t reward arguments directed at you that way by responding to their substance. Or at least I try not to. I’m new here, and obviously I don’t know you at all. I have no reason to assume you were being intentionally misleading or presenting your case in bad faith, and I like to think I assume the best of strangers. I asked those questions because I want to discuss details of what happened and the public’s reaction, and you presented information that either didn’t jive with what I’d read, or that I hadn’t seen reported (eg the refusal to get the coat tested) and I wanted to learn more. You don’t know me either, of course, so you have no reason to trust me. I get that. The best I can do is promise that if you presented reporting or other information to back up your accounting of the event and what has transpired since, I would be grateful and would read it with an open mind. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/176 "2019-06-28T20:03:16Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > You are being absolutist. It is not “ always ok.” Telling her story does not happen in a vacuum. It has consequences for her and her accuser. That is the unfortunate reality and to pretend otherwise is dangerously naive. > > And who decides whether she is being “honest,” or not? I think she is being dishonest. I think there is reason to disbelieve her. Apparently, you don’t. > > I **am** following your rule about how we treat accusers, by evaluating whether I feel she is being honest and whether there is good reason to doubt her story. You are too. We have come to opposite conclusions, though. > > The problem is that your rule sucks because it is relative, subjective and ambiguous. > > Perhaps if we discussed this and argued about it for a few thousand years, we might come up with some sort of protocol or system for dealing with these sort of things. We might call it a legal system or something and create courts and police in an attempt to serve justice. > > We have these things. You might have noticed. If you seek justice, you avail yourself of them. They are imperfect, but they are the best we have. Our justice system has failed women again and again. This is why they so often seek other paths for justice, or even just to get something off their chest. By accusing a women of lying, when there’s not a shred of evidence she is doing so, you are making this even harder for women in the future. But I’ll go back to your first paragraph - under what circumstances is it wrong for a woman to honestly speak out about a time she was assaulted or raped? If Carroll is indeed being honest, do you think she’s done wrong by speaking out? If so, then it would seem her honesty is irrelevant to you - she should have just stayed shut up no matter what. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/177 "2019-06-28T20:09:50Z")
> [@Scylla](#): > > No. They actually claimed that I lied. He didn’t use that word but that’s what it was. In my experience that’s A discussion killer. > > I can ignore it, or I can have a meta-discussion where we dissect what I said, it’s context, my sources and I defend what I said against the accusation of lying. It becomes about me. I’ve been down that road so many times and watched it happen to others so many times. It gets ugly and personal, nothing interesting is discussed. > > There are tons of ways to have discussions without going that route… So, let’s not go down that route. Instead, let’s return to the original story and the facts involved, without pointing any fingers. I’m going to assert that this is an incorrect description of what happened. > [@](#): > > A guy walks up to you in a clothing store and suggests you model lingerie for him (literally the creepiest pick up line ever, but it’s Trump, so ok.) > > You respond positively to this and pick out a transparent piece of lingerie and go with him into the dressing room of Bergdorf Goodman. He then aggressively tries to have sex with you. You push him away laughing (this is her story, mind you). Then he engages in intercourse. You never say “no” “stop” or scream for help, though it is a small dressing room in a crowded store in a public place. It’s not really clear from your own story that you ever withdrew consent You don’t describe the aftermath. You don’t go to the police. You don’t tell anyone except two close friends. You don’t mention in your columns or public forums though you have a platform and a voice that would let you do so. You don’t come out and mention during the 2016 elections when many other credible allegations against Trump and his bad behavior come out. If the facts are changed, the conclusions may also. Do you agree that some of these facts are not accurate (specifically, that she ‘responded positively’, that she picked out the lingerie, that she was merely laughing and never says no or stop, that it occurred in a crowded store or in a public place, that she didn’t describe the aftermath or that she didn’t tell anybody)? If we change them, does it change the conclusions? ---
**Author:** ![LAZombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b38774/32.png) [@LAZombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LAZombie)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/178 "2019-06-28T20:20:47Z")
E. Jean Carroll wrote a sex advice column. There’s a good chance the topic of date rape came up. I wonder what she wrote and does not following her own advice affect how she stands in this situation? Can we hold her to a higher standard if she claimed to be an authority on how one should conduct themselves in sexual matters? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/179 "2019-06-28T20:27:18Z")
> [@Les\_Wizerables](#): > > OK, but you said: > > “Women should come forward to the proper authorities. They should feel comfortable coming forward when they do so, and be treated appropriately. When they don’t, why they didn’t is pertinent and valid across multiple dimensions.” > > I assume that means you think the discussion of why women don’t come forward is on-topic. As is how they are treated when they do come forward. > > Given that, how is it off-topic to evaluate how you are treating this woman who has come forward? If people may be mischaracterizing or outright lying about a woman’s account of a sexual assault in an effort to discredit her, doesn’t a discussion about whether they are actually doing so go to the heart of the point you made in the above quote? If you feel it’s a fun and rewarding topic, be my guest. I just prefer not to participate. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/180 "2019-06-28T20:29:43Z")
> [@LAZombie](#): > > E. Jean Carroll wrote a sex advice column Hey, look! More [erroneous](https://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/) facts. ---
**Author:** ![spifflog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@spifflog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spifflog)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2019, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042/181 "2019-06-28T20:31:27Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > I missed this, sorry. > > The military culture makes it about a million times harder to come forward. Both Canadian and American militaries are working very hard to figure this out, and, at least in Canada, we are realizing that we NEED to move to a victim-centric approach. 90% of women that are sexually assaulted leave uniform within a year of being assaulted. We can’t afford to lose enthusiastic personnel that want to serve due to sexual assault. > > Please do not use it as an example of how to do things when it comes to sexual assault. No, I think you’re 100% wrong on this. And frankly my statement is what the “me too” movement is all about in my opinion. When I was in junior high school a cousin of mine had a similar experience and the advice that she received was that “only you can make you a victim. Are you going to do something about it? Is this going to define you this way?” She took action, went to the authorities, went though some difficult times and came out the other end better for it. This forced me to confront an issue that I had a number of years prior, and I initially didn’t handle it the way my female cousin did. I hid and didn’t confront it. I’m not going to go into details, and I don’t want any sympathy or discussion about it, but I’ll just say it involved a 12 year old boy as a piano student (me) and a priest piano instructor. So I had to ask myself some questions, and assess what my life was going to be. Then I had to confront some issues that no 15 year old male in the 1970s wanted to discuss with his mother, or father, his school friends or the church I’ll tell 'ya. And I went though some difficult times and came out the other end better for it. So when I see a successful, tough, professional journalist with some means, support, and a voice say that she just couldn’t cope or deal with it for 20 years and I look back at some young kids who found a way I do it and I shake my head. And yes, I wonder if, possibly it didn’t really happen. The world is tough, and if you want to get through it, well, sometimes hard is f’ing authorized. And if and when that philosophy permeates our culture and pushes the victim mentality out of it, our country will be a better place, and bullies will realize that they have no place to hide. I thought that was what the whole me too movement was all about. People who are abused aren’t going to be victims any more. We’re going to grab the bull by the horns and take some action. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-columnist-trump-raped-me-in-a-fitting-room/836042.md?page=10)