# Advice For Evil Overlord's **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 7, 2002, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420 "2002-09-07T10:16:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2002, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/21 "2002-09-08T23:49:45Z")
> [@](#): > > Hmm. Could be tricky, but I think I could pull it off provided I didn’t have to spend any of it on weapons development. Deal! Large triangular battlecruisers okay with you? Well, I’m going shopping for weaponry tomorrow. There’s a sale on Heavy Pulse-Plasma Turrets at Fry’s. And, yes, tried-and-true designs are perfectly fine for the Armada of Emperor SPOOFE. > [@](#): > > \ See, this is what you get for dealing with brash upstarts without checking their references first. Mom sez you have to play nice with your little evil overlord friends or you can’t have them over any more. Well, if he fails to deliver, I’ll just have him Die The Death Of Deathly Deadliness. > [@](#): > > After all, when he listed Henchmen, he didn’t cover the essential “Femme Fatale” catagory. They act as lieutenants, seconds-in-command, assassins, spies, and occasionally mad scientists, Laboratory Assistants, or Occult Acolytes. Also, they are your Main Squeeze. Yeah, and they look damn good in a tight black leather bustier. Just be careful that they’re not the type who’d want to use the hero as her private sex toy, because that’d let him live long enough to escape (after making out with her, of course) and then ultimately defeat your plans. ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/22 "2002-09-09T00:33:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Go here---- [http://www.villainsupply.com/](http://www.villainsupply.com/) Great Femme Fatale dating service, & just _look_ at those bargans on secret bases. 😃 \*\* Humph!!! Check out the **Henchperson Uniform MK I** [here](http://www.villainsupply.com/gear.html). That is **NOT** a henchperson, that is Avon from Blake’s 7!!! Grrrrrrr ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/23 "2002-09-09T00:55:24Z")
I saw this list among others a year ago, though I cannot find the exact site again. The site in question had a list of things A Hero shouln’t do, as well as the sidekick, and a list of things that has to happen if you are a starship captain. Anybody seen these? ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/24 "2002-09-09T06:24:46Z")
I’d just like to inform you all while you were arguing i took over the world. Kneel before my power!!! Hmmm…bored… I guess i’ll give it back and try again. Let the game begin! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/25 "2002-09-09T06:52:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Epimetheus \* > \*\*I saw this list among others a year ago, though I cannot find the exact site again. The site in question had a list of things A Hero shouln’t do, as well as the sidekick, and a list of things that has to happen if you are a starship captain. Anybody seen these? \*\* [Here](http://www.issendai.com/silliness/linklist.htm) you go. It seems to have been updated recently. By the by, I’d be willing to lend the support of my fanatically loyal berserker legions to this world-conquering cadre we’ve got going here…if, of course, I can be appointed “Minister of Unnecessarily Cruel Punishments” in the glorious new world order. Missionaries and tailgaters: your days are numbered! Ranchoth ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/26 "2002-09-09T12:50:45Z")
Okay, everybody! Out of the pool! We get too many damn evil overlords here, it’s gonna be like the League of Nations; a bunch of squabbling weenies. Can’t we all get along? Let’s take turns, like Tars suggets, or I won’t let you play together. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/27 "2002-09-09T14:56:26Z")
I would learn the difference between plural and possessive. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/28 "2002-09-09T18:22:48Z")
::Bangs Gavel:: Order, please, people! My assistant Glorp is passing out your schedule calanders, please keep in mind you can only conquor the world on red marked days, with a 90 day advanced notice to the Overloard Council. We’ve amended our bylaws this year to allow a more flexible schedule, you may trade dates with other members. Also, a Death Star is double parked outside, license plate H8R3BLZ, it will be towed if not moved. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/29 "2002-09-10T00:40:46Z")
Back to the OP: If you have the power to manipulate emotions and guarantee slavish loyalty, **use it**. The “real thing” be damned, you don’t want people turning on you in the moment of your triumph. If your superweapon is developed to the point that it’s _almost_ irresistable, and a few more decades of research will prevent any possible defense, wait. Especially if your enemy doesn’t yet know about said superweapon. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/30 "2002-09-10T04:54:42Z")
Back off the OP. ::Holding up calendar:: Your honor! I see that I’ve been given next Wednesday and Thursday to conquer the world. I plan on visiting my slave-harem planet and performing “administrative” duties as needed during that time. May I trade with **SPOOFE** for the following weekend? Thank you. ::Writes “WASH ME” in the dirt of the double parked Death Star in 4,000 mile high letters:: Heh, heh, heh. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/31 "2002-09-10T05:28:26Z")
Don’t be silly, Horseflesh. The Death Star was only 900 kilometers in diameter (unless you’re talking about the original Death Star, which was only 120). 4,000 mile high letters? Hmph. Remember, a good Evil Overlord does his homework. You get a frowny-face sticker on your test! ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/32 "2002-09-10T12:52:03Z")
If you catch James Bond, kill him immediately. Since you have surrounded yourself with mindless henchmen and toadies, you’ll be tempted to explain your villanous plan to him (since he, although your nemesis, is the only one with sufficient intellect to appreciate your genius) and then put him in an elaborate deathtrap. Don’t do this. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/33 "2002-09-10T17:32:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pravnik \* > \*\*If you catch James Bond, kill him immediately. Since you have surrounded yourself with mindless henchmen and toadies, you’ll be tempted to explain your villanous plan to him (since he, although your nemesis, is the only one with sufficient intellect to appreciate your genius) and then put him in an elaborate deathtrap. Don’t do this. Seriously. \*\* This is why you need the _Femme Fatale_. Not only can you_tell_ her these things with a reasonable belief she can understand them, _you can tell her **in bed**._ No downside. Unless she wants to do it that way, of course. 😉 😃 ---
**Author:** ![shelbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3d9bf3/32.png) [@shelbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shelbo)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/34 "2002-09-10T18:22:57Z")
Make sure that reversing the polarization will have no effect on your doomsday device. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/35 "2002-09-10T19:45:55Z")
Croup and Vandemaar Haberdashery of London, indeed! Bwahahahahahahahah! Seriously. They don’t take travellers cheques. Only Tang dynasty porcelain. My personal advice for any would be Evil Overlord? Don’t forget to pay your union dues. One word will explain why—Hoffa. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/36 "2002-09-10T19:54:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*Don’t be silly, Horseflesh. The Death Star was only 900 kilometers in diameter (unless you’re talking about the original Death Star, which was only 120). 4,000 mile high letters? Hmph. > > Remember, a good Evil Overlord does his homework. You get a frowny-face sticker on your test! \*\* Bah, you obviously haven’t seen the new fully functional **and** color coordinated Death Star I just ordered from Mercedes (I went with the “BIG moon size” this year). Besides, I was talking about the new Galactic Standard Mile I implemented last time I took over the Milky Way, which equates to about 1/5 of the old mile length, or 1,000 Horsefleshs. I’ll ask you to regrade my test please. ::During the conversation, tapes a “Mama’s Boy” sign on **SPOOFE** ’s ridiculous salmon colored cape:: For the OP: - Always send your clone (mini or not) in to do your dirty work with the wanna-be heroes. - Kill all brother and sisters (esp. twins) as soon as evilly possible. - Use coupons whenever possible; a thrifty Evil Overlord can never have enough mindless warrior drones. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/37 "2002-09-10T20:27:20Z")
Hey, each Overlord builds Death Stars to their own size specifications. Now, If **SPOOFE** won’t agree to trade days, then find someone else. I’m too busy teaching my half-man, half-platypus cyborg clone midgets to recite ALF episodes and dance the macarena. What? It’s for a plot!! I swear!! Well, mostly… ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/38 "2002-09-10T20:53:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\* > > This is why you need the _Femme Fatale_. Not only can you_tell_ her these things with a reasonable belief she can understand them, _you can tell her **in bed**._ > > No downside. Unless she wants to do it that way, of course. 😉 😃 \*\* I urge much caution, brother villian. Bond has talked the panties off of, and the plans out of, many a mastermind’s beautiful foil. If you must, I advise Bond-proofing your moll by choosing one who is either devastatingly unattractive or quite obviously a man in drag. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/39 "2002-09-10T22:49:46Z")
I pulled up Cafe Society, saw this title (“Evil Overlord”) in the list, and noticed that the number of views was… 666. Seemed very apropos… 😉 Okay, when you capture Batman (or some other masked superhero), take off his mask **immediately** so that you know his “secret” identity. Sheesh. You’d think that would be obvious… ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2002, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420/40 "2002-09-10T23:11:25Z")
As an Evil Overlord, I will make it a point not to be seen with a Nehru Jacket, white cat and cigarette holder…thats just the wrong level of eccentricity. I will instead be seen with a black leather jacket, shades, and a nickel plated Desert Eagle .50 calibre semi-auto pistol, with telescopic sight on top and laser pointer below. Let my minions and enemies know I’m more than capable of doing a little wet-work myself. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-evil-overlords/127420.md?page=3)