# Advice for people who haven't had relationship success **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 17, 2011, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948 "2011-01-17T16:00:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/61 "2011-01-21T07:11:18Z")
Don’t be so quick to put people in the “let’s just be friend’s” box. Seriously, if the only thing holding you back is some impossible tangible that you can’t put your finger on; ya’ know what? You might as well go for it. And that whole mentality of: “Well, I don’t want to screw up our super great friendship.” is just retarded. Also, those Hollywood romances you see at the movies _aren’t real!_ So, if that’s what you’re looking for; you’re going to be looking for a very long time. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/62 "2011-01-21T14:06:29Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Join “Meetup.” Just go to local “Friend” and “social” and “singles” groups. Dress well, go in with a positive attitude, and the candidates are numerous. I personally haven’t found this to be the case. “Singles groups” seem to end up being predominately male, and when an attractive woman does show up she is so swarmed by overly aggressive jerks in a manner typical of [post=13322633]this description[/post]. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/63 "2011-01-21T14:17:10Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > I personally haven’t found this to be the case. “Singles groups” seem to end up being predominately male, and when an attractive woman does show up she is so swarmed by overly aggressive jerks in a manner typical of [post=13322633]this description[/post]. Some are better organized than others; I’d suggest being picky about Meetup groups to be sure. And don’t just to to “singles” groups. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/64 "2011-01-21T15:35:26Z")
Never 100% give up. The last person I actually seriously went out with was about 20 years ago. Since then there have been some one night/two night things and one two month thing that was mostly about sex. I had all but given up and had consigned myself to the relationship dustbin. Then just before xmas I found out that a friend of my sister whom I’ve known for about 10 years and always liked but was in a serious relationship had become single a few months back. I decided to fuck all my self consciousness and lack of confidence and just go for it, something that I’ve not done for years. Meeting her tonight for our 2nd date and are both really enjoying it so far (lots of sms’s, mails, etc). Still early days but there’s something nice in my life for the first time in so long. Something to look forward to. A month and a half ago I’d have said there was no chance for me. Now there is a crack of light. Even if this doesn’t work out it’s made me re-think things and has given me a very big confidence boost. I’m 40 BTW ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/65 "2011-01-21T16:05:37Z")
> [@xoferew](#): > > I’ll start looking for a meetup group for sexually inexperienced cowards. There’s one already - it’s called “everywhere”. [ul][li]Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes.[/li][li]Join a group that you are interested in. [/li][li]Smile at everybody.[/li][li]If someone is even remotely interesting, ask them out. If you ask a hundred people, you are almost guaranteed at least one date. But you have to ask.[/li][li]_Nothing bad happens if you ask someone out and they say No._[/ul][/li] Play the percentages. We live in a statistical universe. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2011, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/66 "2011-01-22T21:44:09Z")
Don’t be so picky. There is no such thing as a “perfect soul mate”. As Chris Rock says, you aren’t going to find someone who likes Seinfeld AND the Wu-Tang Clan. (Other than me I guess). ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/67 "2011-01-23T02:42:23Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > _Nothing bad happens if you ask someone out and they say No._ Right, but if they Yes, then something bad could happen. Just look at all the threads people post here about evil exes and controlling boyfriends and such. It’s scary to step a toe into that swamp! But I was brave and went to my first meetup group this week, thanks to the good advice here. It is a group for studying advanced Japanese grammar. It doesn’t sound inherently romantic, does it? Anyway, I was a little bit proud of myself. And I like Japanese grammar. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/68 "2011-01-23T17:27:04Z")
Good for you, **xoferew**. Enjoy your grammar, and then who knows? And yes, there are evil exes and bad relationships. There are also wonderful relationships. I think the key to having a good one is recognizing what you need and want and then honestly assessing if the person you are dating can meet those needs and wants. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/69 "2011-01-23T21:12:51Z")
Enter a monastery or convent. Whenever you start to feel lonely, immerse yourself in prayer and meditation. Eventually, you’ll be dead and you won’t have to worry about it anymore. > [@Shodan](#): > > There’s one already - it’s called “everywhere”. > > [ul][li]Take a shower, brush your teeth, wear clean clothes.[/li][li]Join a group that you are interested in. [/li][li]Smile at everybody.[/li][li]If someone is even remotely interesting, ask them out. If you ask a hundred people, you are almost guaranteed at least one date. But you have to ask.[/li][li]_Nothing bad happens if you ask someone out and they say No._[/ul][/li] > Play the percentages. We live in a statistical universe. > > Regards, > Shodan If you ask out a hundred people, don’t you think word will get around, and people will think something weird is going on with you? “What is wrong with that guy? He’s asking _everybody_ out!” ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2011, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/70 "2011-01-24T05:17:55Z")
> [@cuauhtemoc](#): > > Enter a monastery or convent. Whenever you start to feel lonely, immerse yourself in prayer and meditation. Eventually, you’ll be dead and you won’t have to worry about it anymore. > If you ask out a hundred people, don’t you think word will get around, and people will think something weird is going on with you? “What is wrong with that guy? He’s asking _everybody_ out!” Ask out only a few at a time among groups of people who know each other. Yes, it takes longer, but it works better. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/71 "2011-01-25T01:26:52Z")
> [@cuauhtemoc](#): > > If you ask out a hundred people, don’t you think word will get around, and people will think something weird is going on with you? “What is wrong with that guy? He’s asking _everybody_ out!” If you’re sociable and get out a lot, a hundred people isn’t really that many people. Shodan isn’t suggesting asking them all out in one night. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/72 "2011-01-25T01:49:00Z")
Even evil exes were a strong learning experience at the time. I wouldn’t want to forget a single one of the relationships I’ve had over the years, because even the bad ones taught me a lot about myself and about humanity. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/73 "2011-01-25T01:51:28Z")
Question: how come none of my dates ever seem interested in buying my Amway products? ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/74 "2011-01-25T03:21:24Z")
> [@MOIDALIZE](#): > > Question: how come none of my dates ever seem interested in buying my Amway products? And they probably aren’t interested in second dates either. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/75 "2011-01-25T04:25:19Z")
If you want love, be loving. If you want someone to be interested in you, be interested - not in others, just generally. Bathe regularly. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2011, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/76 "2011-01-25T05:40:36Z")
> [@MOIDALIZE](#): > > Question: how come none of my dates ever seem interested in buying my Amway products? Probably because they just wanted to screw you sensless. ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/77 "2011-01-26T00:19:31Z")
I’m supposed to bathe AND brush my teeth?! I guess I need to buy some Amway products. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/78 "2011-01-26T02:31:44Z")
> [@xoferew](#): > > I’m supposed to bathe AND brush my teeth?! I guess I need to buy some Amway products. Are you sitting down? You’ll need to wear deodorant, trim your finger and toe nails regularly, change your underwear regularly, and shave/trim facial hair regularly, TOO! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![xoferew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/e9a140/32.png) [@xoferew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xoferew)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948/79 "2011-01-26T02:42:25Z")
Are you suggesting that an otherwise charming woman with a ZZ Top beard can’t hope to find an accepting, understanding life partner? Then fine, I just give up. _Strokes beard petulantly._ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-for-people-who-havent-had-relationship-success/567948.md?page=3)