# Advice Needed For Dealing With a Coworker **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242 "2005-07-26T16:14:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/21 "2005-07-26T22:16:07Z")
I was raised among endearments and I use them myself - honestly, most of us certainly don’t mean anything by it - not good or bad. We’re not trying to pretend we’re close to you, and we’re not trying to look down on you. Some people even enjoy it. It’s as common to say it as “guy” or “girl”, and I’ve been known to use it even when speaking to my worst enemies. If it helps, I’d try not to think too hard about it. Long walk back to Eden, and all that rubbish. Speaking for myself, however, if I was calling you “sweetheart”, and you asked me politely to please stop, it makes you uncomfortable, I will be sure to do my best to respect your wishes and not think any less of you for it. For whatever reason, if you are uncomfortable and I am the cause and I can easily stop it, no problem. Perhaps just asking her politely to stop will help her realise that. If not, and you can’t get away from her, see above. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/22 "2005-07-26T23:42:22Z")
> [@Siege](#): > > Now she’s started saying “Hello Sweetie” or “Hello Sweetheart”. You might try responding, “Hello yourself, Twinkletwat.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![StarsApart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecc23a/32.png) [@StarsApart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarsApart)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/23 "2005-07-27T06:46:04Z")
Twinkletwat!! 😃 Love it. Anyway… my vote is for just ignore it. It sounds like you rarely see this woman, and she’s not even in your workplace all the time. I don’t see how the occasional “sweetie” is hurting anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/24 "2005-07-27T07:17:51Z")
> [@The Mad Hermit](#): > > The world is nasty enough these days. Someone is being nice to you- appreciate it for what it is (common politeness, 'Burgh style) and give back some of your own… This is just what I was thinking, but if it won’t work, **DeVena** ’s suggestion sounds brilliant, very smoooove. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/25 "2005-07-27T10:00:32Z")
> [@Push You Down](#): > > I want your life that a stranger calling you “sweetheart” somehow is enough to cause you distress. :Sheepish look: Actually it’s not. It’s just that the major thing in my life which is causing me distress is pretty much out of control, so I guess I’m trying to do something about the things which are. :Shrug: I’m afraid I can be a bit of a control freak at times, and believe me, there’s nothing like a frustrated one. Since this woman came back, I’ve actually been actively avoiding her because I didn’t want to have yet another conversation with her which consists of her asking, out of the blue, “What’s your name?” “CJ”, followed by a smile. I swear, that’s as much as I can remember of the conversation, although they usually happened while I was getting my lunch out of the refrigerator or running some reports to the back. Yesterday, I was limping back to the lunch room on my cane, when out of the blue, I heard “Hello Sweetheart!” (I said “Hello” back), then, a few minutes later, “Hi Sweetie”. She also asked how it was going, and I answered “Fine”, even though that didn’t feel like the right answer since I’m wearing a knee brace and walking with a cane. I’m not sure what the right answer is, although on bad days I’ve been known to smile ruefully and answer “Next question!” It’s funny. I’m enough of a Pittsburgher that I wouldn’t have minded “Hon” or “Dear”; I’m English enough that I wouldn’t have minded “Luv”. All three to me are rather generic terms. I suppose “Sweetheart” implies an intimacy which doesn’t exist and wouldn’t be welcome. As I said, I’m aware that this is extremely minor stuff and it doesn’t bother me much, but it was lunchtime, it had just happened, I was bored, and I thought it might make an interesting thread. **DeVena** and **RealityChuck** have given some good advice and, if I decide not to ignore this coworker’s endearments, I’ll follow their advice. The woman’s nice enough, harmless, and the longtime girlfriend of one of our drivers. I know she means well. I just wish she’d either remember my name or find something other than “Sweetheart” to call me. I _like and approve of_ ordinary politeness and courtesy, and I agree there’s far too much rudeness in the world. I was grouchy, in a bit of pain, caught off guard and it rankled a bit at the time. Take out any of those three factors, especially one of the first two, and I wouldn’t even have brought it up. I realize I may regret doing so anyway. Out of curiousity, though. how would responding with a puzzled look be? A sort of “Who? Me?” 😕 I do puzzled and confused rather well, especially when I genuinely am, and I’m pretty sure that was my response when I was asked on my first date. I did eventually work out that I was the one he was talking to, simply because I was the only female in the area and he was looking at me. Thanks, CJ ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/26 "2005-07-27T11:21:12Z")
Just talk to her about it. Tell her that you’d appreciate it if she wouldn’t call you “sweetheart” because it’s a term of endearment that is particularly meaningful to you, and it’s jarring to be called that in the workplace. Let her know that “hon” and “dear” are fine, as is your name. Please, just don’t sit there and take it, getting more and more annoyed by it as time goes on. Nip it in the bud when you can be pleasant about making the request. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/27 "2005-07-27T12:49:40Z")
It sounds like she wants to get to know you better. She’s continually asking how you are, starting the verbal exchange, etc. Maybe she’s really lonely and she calls you sweetheart because she thinks you _have_ one. She may be too shy to ask if you want to do lunch with her, so she’s trying to establish an opening for you to come through. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/28 "2005-07-27T15:39:21Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > My vote is for wearing a name-tag when she’s on site. Come to think of it, I would _seriously_ appreciate it if everyone wore name-tags when I’m temping. I can’t remember 20 new names. Hell, I would appreciate it if everyone wore name tags… I have problems remembering the names of people I’ve worked with for years! CJ, don’t come to my part of Spain. I had a teacher who was from someplace else and she was completely freaked out when people here would call her “heart”, “dear”, “queen”, “sweetness”… those are NOT things one called nuns, back in her native Valladolid. After one year teaching here, she went home on vacation and found out the endearments had stuck on her - she now calls everybody “king” and “queen”. Oopsies. The suggestion about trying to learn this temp’s name and getting her to learn yours is good, but basically I imagine her “sweets” don’t mean as much as if you were the one saying it. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/29 "2005-07-27T16:33:49Z")
I work with a French-Canadian guy who is always saying cute, endearing things to me. He’s happily married and this is just their way of expressing friendship. I welcome it. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, I always say! ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/30 "2005-07-27T17:34:49Z")
You mentioned that this woman has asked you your name several times. It sounds like she isn’t particularly good at names and there may even be more things she doesn’t remember well, like a request to not use endearments. Sounds like she is trying to acknowledge that you are more then a random stranger on the street, while hiding the fact that she has NO idea what your name is. Take it the same way you take a cashier asking how your day was, or a stranger saying “Bless you” when you sneeze. It’s a social lubricant. It’s a way of making random encounters (for most people) at least a little friendly. It’s like waving at the mailman. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/77aa72/32.png) [@Heart\_On\_My\_Sleeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_On_My_Sleeve)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/31 "2005-07-27T17:57:13Z")
You could be kind of silly and next time she asks your name, give her your picture with your name written on it. It sounds like she’s just trying to be friendly–refreshing in this world if you ask me. What harm would it be in having a friendly conversation with her? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/32 "2005-07-27T19:17:36Z")
I only get mad when the endearment is patronizing. In this case it really can’t be. (I do care when the endearment is patronizing). I have a distant aquaintance that I used to see once or twice a year. Every year when I met him, he’d proposition me - without apparently the slightest recollection of the previous year. Every year I’d say “didn’t work last year, won’t work now.” Pathetic, annoying and funny all at the same time. I’m not sure if I should have taken it personally that he didn’t remember me or just assumed he propositioned so many women he really couldn’t keep track of them all. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/33 "2005-07-27T19:46:59Z")
Well, the logical resolution is to change your name to ‘sweetheart’ so that she either forgets your name and calls you something else or remembers your name and calls you ‘sweetheart’ but its OK 'cause that’s your name. Either way, she isn’t calling you sweetheart as a term of endearment. psst, **siege** , I agree that terms of endearment aren’t really work-appropriate and would never use them on a coworker, so I can understand being annoyed, but don’t tell the others. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/34 "2005-07-28T05:53:43Z")
It would be nice if women would issue a formal press release detailing the myriad words and salutations they have problems with. I mean, holy shit, how sensitive can you \ be? ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/35 "2005-07-28T06:52:40Z")
I’d say, “I’m really not that sweet! Just call me Rubystreak” if I were in that situation (and I have been). However, she may never get it right. Some people have a learning disability when it comes to these things. Hell, I worked with a guy for two years who called me by the wrong name (which had a few of the same letters as my name) every time he talked to me. Yep, every time (we didn’t talk every day, or even every week, but still). I corrected him every time too, to no avail. You might have to accept that she’ll never remember your name and will always have to use some term of endearment instead. Better that than having her call you BJ by accident. :o ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/36 "2005-07-28T13:11:51Z")
Time to break out the Klingon warrior armor and show your head ridges. There is no honor in famliar endearments. Q’apla! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2005, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242/37 "2005-07-28T13:45:14Z")
It sounds to me as if the woman is suffers from some type of short term memory problem or is on the stupid side. How many times have you told her your name? You would tend to stick out, due to the cane etc. Is she older than you? Something in your posts makes me think that said woman is also kinda pushy(?). But I think what really bothers you is that she doesn’t remember your name. Sweetie is just a word. I don’t like being called by endearments at work either, but most people don’t mean any harm by it. There is one doctor at work who is a sexist pig who does this, but everyone else–it’s just a shorthand way to be nice. I think you already know this, but unless you want to confront her and possibly hurt her feelings and make a tempest in a teapot, you should just let it go. If sh’e a temp, she won’t be there forever, and you really don’t have much contact with her, as you said. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-for-dealing-with-a-coworker/314242.md?page=1)