# Advice needed from the LGBT community **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2015, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288 "2015-07-16T02:33:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2015, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/21 "2015-07-18T13:23:23Z")
Here’s some real advice. Go for it and see how you feel. Sexuality and gender aren’t about who has what parts. It’s pheromones and smells. A pre-op transwoman who’s been on the hormones for a few years should cause you to physically react as if she were a woman. If a woman with a penis will freak you out, hey, you gave it a shot, now you know. Hell, you’ve been celibate 20 years and you have a paddle. Try to have some frickin’ fun. I’m speaking as a lesbian who can’t date pre- or post-op transmen because they’re MEN, but who is attracted to really masculine women. So. Go see. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2015, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/22 "2015-07-18T18:34:21Z")
Well you have an excellent opportunity to be a nice person. Be polite, honest, careful and communicative and you should be fine. Treat her like a human being because that’s who she is. Just be honorable and you really can’t go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2015, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/23 "2015-07-18T19:37:27Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > As far as my family’s reaction to me being in a relationship with a trans woman, why would they even need to know? Why would it even come up? She looks fully female, so why would anybody even ask? Well, at least until my mom starts asking when she can expect grandchildren from me. People will find out. In this day and age it’s very, very difficult to go and remain stealth. If you have specific questions about working with a transgender woman, well, there’s a transsexual woman right here. Ask away. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2015, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/24 "2015-07-19T01:15:32Z")
A bass player and a drummer. I’m guessing you are both looking for someone to crash with! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/25 "2015-07-21T01:34:01Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > How would you proceed with any other woman? > > The exact details of what you two can do together if and when you get to bed will not include PiV for a while, but so what? Are you telling me you’re one of those guys whose “lovemaking” is limited to “insert PiV, grab tits, hump”? Oh wait: “spank, flip over, insert PiV, grab tits, hump”? > > Just treat her right man, treat her right. What a bizarrely over-the-top accusation. This guy has been celibate for years, finds himself in a situation where he may date a pre-OP transgendered woman, and he has some apprehensions. You think the only person who would have any questions at all—about any of this—is an inconsiderate two-pump chump? Give him some credit. Despite what I think of the OP (dude—don’t mention fat women. Why would you? What’s the benefit of doing that? How do you know she didn’t once outweigh you by 100 lbs?), he’s trying to approach this thoughtfully. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/26 "2015-07-21T03:16:04Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > A bass player and a drummer. I’m guessing you are both looking for someone to crash with! 😃 No, that’s guitar players. Q: What do you call a guitarist with no girlfriend? A: Homeless. > [@lorene](#): > > What a bizarrely over-the-top accusation. This guy has been celibate for years, finds himself in a situation where he may date a pre-OP transgendered woman, and he has some apprehensions. You think the only person who would have any questions at all—about any of this—is an inconsiderate two-pump chump? > > Give him some credit. Despite what I think of the OP (dude—don’t mention fat women. Why would you? What’s the benefit of doing that? How do you know she didn’t once outweigh you by 100 lbs?), he’s trying to approach this thoughtfully. Thank you. She and I are not even talking about sex at this point, and actual sex is not even an issue for me right now, and isn’t even currently an option (unless we go anal). Yeah, I understand how the “fat women” thing is potentially objectionable. But the rest of y’all don’t live in my town. I’ve connected with a bunch of my high school classmates (from the 1980s) via Facebook, and, wow. Even my two younger sisters. Age 30 arrives and … boom. My sisters are 47 and 37, and both of them outweigh me. The 47-year-old at least has the “childbirth” excuse, except her youngest child was born 14 years ago. My “baby” sister is still single, and she seems to be going out of her way to make herself unattractive to men, and just gets bigger and bigger, and cropping her hair, and dyeing it blue … all the while denying being a lesbian whilst shouting ultra-conservative Christian mantras. Both of them were (from an objective, non-incestuous viewpoint) “hot” when they were in their teens and 20s. I’m almost 50, and I’ve dropped 60 pounds (while working in my career as a professional chef) since realizing I was overweight. Why can’t these women? I just had to stop shoveling shit into my face to drop from 225 to 165. And, no, she (my potential girlfriend) was never fat. She wore spandex while drumming in LA metal bands in the '80s. She’s quite fit. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/27 "2015-07-21T04:14:27Z")
Jesus, dude, stop explaining the “fat” thing. You’re only making yourself look worse. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/28 "2015-07-21T04:43:09Z")
Quite right. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/29 "2015-07-21T05:01:06Z")
Except my entire job is to cook food. And sample it. And I know when the fuck to _stop_ sampling. I recognized when I had gotten fat, and fucking did something about it. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/30 "2015-07-21T05:31:55Z")
And even more worse. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/31 "2015-07-21T06:14:18Z")
Oh, erhalte ich in meiner Dummheit, in Herrn oder in Fräulein zweisamkeit sogar falscher Ich halte Frauen zu den gleichen Standards an, zu denen ich mich anhalte. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/32 "2015-07-21T06:48:49Z")
You see what you’ve done people? You’ve broken him! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2015, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288/33 "2015-07-21T09:57:42Z")
My apologies for the unintentional woosh, specially to you **Mister Rik**. To me the notion of **Mister Rik** being an asshole is so absurd that I didn’t realize people might take the questions seriously. Sorry. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-from-the-lgbt-community/725288.md?page=1)