# Advice needed on contacting a former boss... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 22, 2010, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972 "2010-10-22T03:57:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/1 "2010-10-22T03:57:17Z")
This is sort of a follow-up to [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=578982) thread. One of the people I’m trying to get a letter of recommendation from is my former boss, who I’ll call Bob. I wrote him the same day I started the above thread, asking him to send me several copies of the letter he’d previously written for me when I was applying to grad school. He asked me if I wanted any changes, I said no, and I haven’t heard from him since (about this matter; he’s been active on Facebook). So, technically, he didn’t agree to do it, but I took his question as confirmation that he would. Well, a month has gone by, and I still haven’t received his letter. I’ve got everything else together for my application package; I’m just waiting on him, and the deadline is fast approaching. I wrote him a week and a half ago, and he never responded… so now I have to write him again. A little background: I worked for Bob from 1992 to 2005. I ran one of his restaurants for the last seven years I worked there. He’s the owner of the company - well, it’s a corporation, so I guess his title would be “president” or “CEO”, but I’ve always thought of him as the owner. He’s one of the coolest people I’ve ever known, and I’m sure I’ll never have another boss anywhere near the same ballpark of coolness. I think his company is up to 18 restaurants now. Besides running the company, he has four kids ages 5 to 12. On top of that, from what I’ve gathered from Facebook, he’s currently in the process of moving. In short, he’s about as busy as is possible for a human being to be. I understand this, and I feel really badly to keep pestering him about sending me this letter. But OTOH, all I’m asking of him if to print out several copies of a letter he’s already written and drop them in the mail… even if he took his time I can’t imagine the entire process would take more than ten minutes. So… here’s where I’m looking for advice. I’ve composed an email, but I want opinions on it before I send it. The LAST thing I want is to piss Bob off, or even irritate him. I’m not angry, but I am bummed, and a bit frustrated. I want to be 100% certain that I’m not coming across as sounding at all angry, or snarky, or accusatory, or whatever. So without further ado: > [@](#): > > Hey Bob. I’m really sorry to keep pestering you about this, but I’m still in need of that recommendation letter. I wrote you a month ago asking for it, so that I hopefully wouldn’t wind up scrambling at the last minute trying to get my application package together for the first of the teaching programs I’m applying to. I’ve got everything together, but I’m still waiting on your letter, and the application deadline is fast approaching. > > I know you’re incredibly busy, especially with moving, and I feel really bad to keep bugging you about this. \ is the only job of significance I’ve ever had, making you pretty much the one person on Earth who can give me a professional recommendation. If you could please, please take a few moments to print up eight or ten copies of that letter, and sign them and mail them to me, I’d really, really, really appreciate it - and then you wouldn’t have to put up with my pestering anymore. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/2 "2010-10-22T05:33:53Z")
Is there anyone else you worked with in that company who could sign a letter for you? It sucks that Bob isn’t sending you the letter you requested, but after you asked him twice and he hasn’t done it, it’s not looking good. He has no particular motivation to do a nice thing for you - it would be coming out of the goodness of his heart, and he doesn’t seem to be going there. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/3 "2010-10-22T08:15:16Z")
Not really. There wasn’t anyone “between” Bob and I, if that’s what you mean - I answered directly to him. I suppose I could ask one of the other general managers, but the letter would just be coming from a peer, and we didn’t work together anyway. I may as well just ask another friend or relative to write me a letter (as I did for my other two). Bob is really a very fair person, who normally follows through on what he says he’s going to do. It isn’t like him to blow people off. I’m sure he’s just been busy, and forgotten… or something. My main concern is that I don’t want to anger him with my pestering. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/4 "2010-10-22T13:57:21Z")
Your email sounds fine. Fire away. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/5 "2010-10-22T14:28:06Z")
I once had a former coworker (ie, someone I didn’t report to) write a letter of recommendation. They worked with me so they were familiar with my skills and duties. It’s not really the same as using a relative, a relative can’t speak to your work performance. And I’d assume it’s better than having an incomplete application. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/6 "2010-10-22T14:43:37Z")
It’s an awkward situation, but if Bob is as cool as you say, he shouldn’t be offended by a tactful reminder. My only advice is to lose “I wrote you a month ago asking for it” and “I’m still waiting”, which, without a tone of voice to provide nuance, make you sound impatient and demanding. > [@](#): > > Hey Bob. I’m really sorry to keep pestering you about this, but I’m still in need of that recommendation letter. I’ve got everything else together, and the application deadline is fast approaching. Your letter will be the final piece of the puzzle. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/7 "2010-10-22T14:46:31Z")
I think your email should be rather gentler. Apologise for being a nuisance but let him know that you’ve yet to receive the letter of recommendation and that you’re hoping to send off copies very soon (give a definite date which is earlier than the real date). ---
**Author:** ![Staggering\_Genius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@Staggering\_Genius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggering_Genius)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/8 "2010-10-22T14:50:17Z")
Sure, send Bob a reminder, but you also need to be preparing for what happens when he ignores that too. Whether it’s another general manager or even someone who worked under you, find a non-relative coworker who can testify about your work. ---
**Author:** ![Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Lo-Slung\_Denim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lo-Slung_Denim)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/9 "2010-10-22T14:54:07Z")
I’d call him and have a similar conversation to what you’ve put in your email, but it would leave him in no doubt as to the tone of the request(i.e., you need it, you’re not being horrible, you feel bad for chasing him but don’t have any other option). ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/10 "2010-10-22T15:51:25Z")
> [@sugar\_and\_spice](#): > > I once had a former coworker (ie, someone I didn’t report to) write a letter of recommendation. They worked with me so they were familiar with my skills and duties. It’s not really the same as using a relative, a relative can’t speak to your work performance. And I’d assume it’s better than having an incomplete application. That’s my take, too - something is better than the nothing Bob has been coming up with. I would also soften the tone of the email as **Wheelz** has suggested. Any hint of disapproval is a complete no-no in an asking for a favour situation. ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/11 "2010-10-22T17:29:49Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > It’s an awkward situation, but if Bob is as cool as you say, he shouldn’t be offended by a tactful reminder. > > My only advice is to lose “I wrote you a month ago asking for it” and “I’m still waiting”, which, without a tone of voice to provide nuance, make you sound impatient and demanding. Thank you. That was one of the things I was worried about, whether or not I should make a point of how long it’s been. > [@Quartz](#): > > I think your email should be rather gentler. Apologise for being a nuisance but let him know that you’ve yet to receive the letter of recommendation and that you’re hoping to send off copies very soon (give a definite date which is earlier than the real date). I thought about doing that, but I don’t know that I can outright lie to him (just a little quirk of mine). That’s why I’ve been using terms like “fast approaching.” In truth, the deadline isn’t until November 26th, but it’s getting uncomfortably close. I’ve been hoping to have the package mailed off before the end of the month, to leave a buffer in case anything goes wrong. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/12 "2010-10-22T17:36:22Z")
Why do you need a letter? 😕 There’s a reasonable chance he no longer has the letter he sent you. You don;t have any copies either? Can’t he just post a Recommendation for you on LinkedIn? Are you and he on LinkedIn, and are you linked? ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-on-contacting-a-former-boss/557972/13 "2010-10-22T22:23:55Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Why do you need a letter? 😕 There’s a reasonable chance he no longer has the letter he sent you. You don;t have any copies either? > > Can’t he just post a Recommendation for you on LinkedIn? Are you and he on LinkedIn, and are you linked? The alternative teaching certification program I’m applying to requires three letters of recommendation. On paper, with inked signatures. I’m also planning to apply to a bunch of teaching fellowship programs, which will also require original letters of recommendation. That’s why I want Bob to send me several copies. Bob wrote a letter for me earlier this year, when I changed majors in my grad school. He sent it directly to the university, so I never saw it, and don’t have any copies. I’m assuming, since he asked me if I wanted any changes to the letter, that he still has it. I’ve never used LinkedIn, but doesn’t it have to do with jobs and companies? I’m applying to a program run by the State of Alaska. Not that it matters; their instructions explicitly state to send hard copies. ETA: I changed my major to Mathematics Education, so Bob’s letter will still be good for the programs I’m applying to.