# Advice needed: Texting and online dating **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 25, 2018, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535 "2018-02-25T11:37:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535/21 "2018-03-01T16:40:07Z")
If the concern is the volume of texts going back and forth in a short period of time, then just don’t respond so quickly. Wait 30 minutes or an hour before responding. Tell him, you’ve got a life and other things are going on. You can control the pace of the texts. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535/22 "2018-03-01T19:09:09Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > … Wait 30 minutes or an hour before responding. Tell him, you’ve got a life and other things are going on. You can control the pace of the texts. I’d leave out the part about how “you have a life,” (that’s just snarky) but it’s definitely up to you when to respond. Hell, wait half a day. A text is not a demand. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535/23 "2018-03-01T21:24:04Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > I’d leave out the part about how “you have a life,” (that’s just snarky) but it’s definitely up to you when to respond. Hell, wait half a day. A text is not a demand. I’d go with this. Send him a hint that you’re not much into frivolous texting by taking time before answering and asking when a good time to talk on the phone is (assuming you want to). If he’s not good at picking up hints, he may not be a great dating prospect, but of course giving him a chance over a drink or three will give you a better clue. How long has this be going on? It also doesn’t seem like a great sign that he hasn’t tried to set up a date yet. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535/24 "2018-03-01T21:37:00Z")
> [@x-ray\_vision](#): > > I’d go with this. Send him a hint that you’re not much into frivolous texting by taking time before answering and asking when a good time to talk on the phone is (assuming you want to). If he’s not good at picking up hints, he may not be a great dating prospect, but of course giving him a chance over a drink or three will give you a better clue. > > How long has this be going on? It also doesn’t seem like a great sign that he hasn’t tried to set up a date yet. Sorry to beat this to death: don’t hint. Just be you. Say, I’m not all that into texting. Period. You’re not into “frivolous” texting–what does that even mean? You’re only into serious texts about investing and funeral plans and such? Just reply whenever you feel like it. Be you. Did I mention _don’t hint_? This is a total stranger-- he can’t be expected to read your mind. When you’ve been married for 25 years, you can expect him to read between the lines, but even then, it’s best just to come out and say what you mean. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2018, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535/25 "2018-03-01T21:52:04Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Sorry to beat this to death: don’t hint. Just be you. Say, I’m not all that into texting. Period. My advice differs from yours. You seem to have a problem with that. > [@](#): > > You’re not into “frivolous” texting–what does that even mean? You’re only into serious texts about investing and funeral plans and such? No. The OP brought up that he was asking things like what she would do if she won the lottery. It think it’s kind of obvious what I meant, and I’m not sure why that statement of mine was worth you bringing up. > [@](#): > > Did I mention _don’t hint_? Yeah. > [@](#): > > This is a total stranger-- he can’t be expected to read your mind. I believe certain social cues should tell people things that don’t involve mind reading, and it’s a good sign if they can pick up on them. Your mileage obviously varies, and that’s okay. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-needed-texting-and-online-dating/809535.md?page=1)