# Advice of a sexual nature **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 27, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975 "2001-10-27T17:20:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/1 "2001-10-27T17:20:47Z")
I have some advice I would like to share with you all, my fellow Dopers. Do not ask how I have come to know these things, but be assured that I speak with a true heart and certain knowledge. [ul][li]Do not play “finger games” after eating Buffalo Wings. [_]Always know where the keys to the handcuffs are. [_]The police know what you are doing in the car for over an hour. [_]“Holy shit, fuck! Get off! Get off!” is not funny dirty talk.[_]The heat produced by Cinnamon Emotion Lotion increases with friction.The kids can hear you. The next door neighbor’s kids can hear you.[/ul][/li]I know the Teeming Millions have more valuable advice to dispense. Please, by all means, do so. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/2 "2001-10-27T17:27:28Z")
If, while having sex, your partner says “I think someone’s coming” don’t say “It’s me!!” ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/3 "2001-10-27T17:29:58Z")
Do NOT, under any circumstances, aim for the nose. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/4 "2001-10-27T17:30:23Z")
Fortunately, I have not personally experienced these ones: [ul][li][Yes, it can break](http://thriveonline.oxygen.com/sex/experts/drgardos/drgardos.02-03-00.html). It’s very painful and not funny.[/li]Sweetcorn: it doesn’t always digest very well, so if you’re into backdoor shenanigans your partner may get a nasty surprise.[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/5 "2001-10-27T17:52:38Z")
A condom doesn’t have to break for it to fail. Trust me on this one, kids. (Fortunately, we wanted another one anyway, just not this soon.) ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/6 "2001-10-27T19:43:47Z")
If she’s thrashing her head from side to side and crying out, “Unh. UNH. Aaaagh!”, don’t just assume you’re a major stud… check to see if you’re on her hair. Don’t indicate orgasm with “finger pistols” a la Isaac on “The Love Boat.” Don’t use two thumbs up and a big cheesy grin, either. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/7 "2001-10-27T19:55:39Z")
Please, please, please, do not rub and squeeze the boobs like their rubber squeeze balls, these things are for real. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/8 "2001-10-27T20:05:26Z")
Wash your face after oral sex. If you think that someone might come home eliciting a frantic scramble for clothing, keep a wet washcloth by the bed. (They will know what you’ve been up to, but at least it won’t be awkwardly obvious.) ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/9 "2001-10-27T20:18:49Z")
Under most circumstances do not grimace and say “this would be much better if you take your teeth out first.” > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sue Duhnym \* > \*\*Do NOT, under any circumstances, aim for the nose. \*\* Not like the opportunity would ever present itself but too bad, you have a _really_ cute nose. Your other parts too for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/10 "2001-10-27T20:20:54Z")
If you’re male, and have been chopping habaneros for salsa, wash hands before peeing. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/11 "2001-10-27T20:32:46Z")
Never, ever, no matter what else you do, sleep with someone crazier than you.\* [sub]\*(One of the three fundamental rules of life, the others being: 1. Never play cards with a man called “Doc.” 2. Never eat at a place called “Mom’s.”)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/12 "2001-10-27T21:40:12Z")
Don’t keep the Bengay in the same nightstand drawer as the intimate lubricant. :eek: ☹ ---
**Author:** ![velouria](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ac91a4/32.png) [@velouria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velouria)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/13 "2001-10-27T21:46:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rysdad \* > \*\*If you’re male, and have been chopping habaneros for salsa, wash hands before peeing. \*\* Assuming this is sex advice, my advice is stay the hell away from Rysdad. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/14 "2001-10-27T21:49:12Z")
I see that many of us have had experience with the flaming hot rod of passion. **Abby** and **Rysdad** , I feel your pain. As for aiming for the nose **Sue** , sometimes it is better to aim for the nose and hit it than to aim for some other orifice and miss. And **andygirl** I must tell you that the glazed donut look of love is much more embarrassing on a black man. It is true that we Dopers are a sage group. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/15 "2001-10-27T21:56:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > \*\* > And **andygirl** I must tell you that the glazed donut look of love is much more embarrassing on a black man. > \*\* Glazed donut look? What’s that? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/16 "2001-10-27T22:00:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > > \*\* > > And **andygirl** I must tell you that the glazed donut look of love is much more embarrassing on a black man. > > \*\* > > Glazed donut look? What’s that? \*\* Ah **lurk** , it is obvious to me that you have never seen a black man after a round of oral pleasurement. I don’t know whether to be happy for you or not. ---
**Author:** ![GreatKingRat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@GreatKingRat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreatKingRat)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/17 "2001-10-27T22:05:23Z")
When she screams “Fuck my brains out!”, don’t say “I think someone already did that.” ---
**Author:** ![\_misfit\_57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/9fc348/32.png) [@\_misfit\_57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_misfit_57)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/18 "2001-10-27T22:15:37Z")
_doesn’t have any advice as this is sort of a ‘new’ thing to her_ _didn’t realize the pervasive nature of sex in human culture_ _resists urge to vomit_ _wishes she had some advice for some obviously already well-versed people_ in this case, my advice would have to be…uhm… 'don’t ask a virgin about: 1) WHY s/he is, 2) how s/he ‘think it feels’ or 3) would s/he care to contribute their virginity to a ‘worthy cause’. all questions i’ve been asked, no less. _walks away whistling nervously_ ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/19 "2001-10-27T22:21:25Z")
lurk, go perform oral sex on a woman for a very long time and then look at yourself in a mirror. Your face looks like you’ve been eating glazed donuts in a very sloppy manner. Also, the towel can be very important if it’s that time of the month. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2001, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975/20 "2001-10-27T22:26:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > **lurk, go perform oral sex on a woman for a very long time and then look at yourself in a mirror. Your face looks like you’ve been eating glazed donuts in a very sloppy manner.** Not if you have a beard. Then it looks like you have rabies. :eek: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-of-a-sexual-nature/89975.md?page=2)