# Advice on a deep feeling letter I writer **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 26, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445 "2013-02-26T17:59:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Steener122](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Steener122](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steener122)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/1 "2013-02-26T17:59:48Z")
I’ve decided I’m going to do my own “30 letter challenge on Facebook” writing letters to people and about things I want. My first one was a very emotional letter to my Grandpa about how our very close relationship is destroyed because I was a drug addict for 6 years and scammed him for money. I’ve been in a methadone clinic for almost 5 years. I miss him and our close relationship. Should I send it or just let it be? ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/2 "2013-02-26T18:21:08Z")
I’d send it. It is my understanding that part of recovery programs is to make amends to people we have harmed. You may not be able to make amends to your Grandpa, but ISTM this may be a good place to start. I wish you well. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/3 "2013-02-26T20:23:26Z")
Based on the information you provided (I’m sure there is more to the story), I vote “send”. ---
**Author:** ![Moonchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Moonchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonchild)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/4 "2013-02-27T05:00:56Z")
Agreed. I don’t see what you have to lose by doing so. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/5 "2013-02-27T06:43:11Z")
I’m going to go against the herd and say “let it be”. Sometimes when you’ve hurt someone so badly, the best thing you could do is stay out of their life, and don’t reappear to remind them of the damage. Would you be sending that letter to make him feel better, or to try and salve your conscience? ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/6 "2013-02-27T07:00:52Z")
I suppose the question is thus: Is the letter to make you feel better _or_ to apologize for your actions (with no expectation / need for forgiveness)? If it is the former than the letter should not be sent; it is just more damage. If it is the latter then go ahead. However, rereading your op, I see the following phrases: > [@Steener122](#): > > I’ve decided I’m going to do my own “30 letter challenge on Facebook” writing letters to people and about things I want. > > \ > > I miss him and our close relationship. Underline emphasis mine. Unfortunately it seems the genesis for the letter is for your own benefit, so no, I do not advocate it be sent. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/7 "2013-02-27T07:03:45Z")
Moving to IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/8 "2013-02-27T08:20:03Z")
> [@Steener122](#): > > I’ve decided I’m going to do my own “30 letter challenge on Facebook” writing letters to people and about things I want. My first one was a very emotional letter to my Grandpa about how our very close relationship is destroyed because I was a drug addict for 6 years and scammed him for money. I’ve been in a methadone clinic for almost 5 years. I miss him and our close relationship. > > Should I send it or just let it be? I don’t know if you’re working steps or not but if it wouldn’t do your grandfather any harm, I’d send the letter. Just be prepared for no reply or even a hostile reply. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/9 "2013-02-27T09:16:57Z")
Congratulations on your progress so far! If the letter is in the form of apologising for the bad things you’ve done to your grandfather and expressing your regrets for the hurts caused, then send it. If the letter is in the form of acknowledging the bad things you’ve done, but then explanations/excuses of why you did those things, and a request to be forgiven, then don’t send it. You could always post it here and we’d give you our (no holds barred) opinions. ---
**Author:** ![FrankJBN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@FrankJBN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrankJBN)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/10 "2013-02-27T15:07:58Z")
For thos ewho say don’t send it, lack of communication is always best isn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2013, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-deep-feeling-letter-i-writer/651445/11 "2013-02-27T15:10:27Z")
No, not having scammed him for money at all would be the “best” in this situation. Sending a letter is just going to quite possibly make an old man panicked that he’s about to be the target of a scam again. Not sending it, leaves him in peace.