# Advice on a situation with a girl... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 9, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694 "2014-04-09T04:08:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/21 "2014-04-09T13:24:33Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > I can’t pick and choose who and what I am attracted to, but I assure you I haven’t said any of these crazy things to give her that impression. I sent her a text the week after we went out asking if I could see her again. It’s more likely she’s seeing someone else, which is fine, but I still want to clear this situation up. If she knew all along, it’s a bit of a cruel joke to not tell me is it not? Am I at least entitled to the truth? Of course you are! Your feelings prove you are, just like a boner entitles a man to have sex with a woman. Clearly, this woman just does not yet understand the depth of your feelings, and that only you, of all men in the world, understand her, and are meant to be with her. I suggest you kidnap her and tie her up in the basement. Once she is forced to listen to you, profess all your feelings just as you explained them to use, as many times as you have to, how you are soul-mates, and so forth, until she finally agrees with you (maybe don’t feed her until she agrees). If it happens her name isn’t Sara, you can probably get her to agree to that to. Be sure to let us know how it goes. You are in Houston, right? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/22 "2014-04-09T14:22:24Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > 1. Isn’t it mind-blowing that this happened? Of all the people for this to happen with, it was the one girl that I felt a very real, instant connection with. What are the odds that after living in Houston for a year, you would meet a woman you met in Houston 2.5 years ago? It doesn’t even come close to blowing my mind. It seems really commonplace. > [@Stringbean](#): > > 1. Is it absurd that I didn’t immediately know it was her? I mean, 2.5 years is a long time, and she did look slightly different the second time. 2.5 years isn’t long at all. It’s like a blink of an eye. I might not recognize someone I met one night if they didn’t make an impression on me, but it’s definitely absurd that you wouldn’t recognize them if she made such a profound impact on you. It also seems absurd you wouldn’t just ask, especially after you presumably found out her name was Sara. If this were a movie I’d be like “what shitty writing; why wouldn’t he just asK?” > [@Stringbean](#): > > 1. Did she know the whole time who I was and just didn’t tell me? Why would she do that? I’d say she probably doesn’t know. For one thing, it makes even less sense that two people would be so knowingly oblivious and awkward. For another, it makes a lot of sense that a woman in a happy relationship didn’t remember a single guy she met as strongly he did. When I’m single, every pretty women I meet might be my soul mate. When in a relationship, pretty women might as well be men. They need to be interesting or funny or really weird looking before I’ll remember them for 2.5 years. > [@Stringbean](#): > > 1. Why won’t she respond to my texts or calls? We literally had such an amazing time at the concert, I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to go out with me again. I think your biggest mistake in reasoning is that you seem certain question 4 has something to do with questions 1-3. In all likelihood she just wasn’t into you and has no idea she met you before. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/23 "2014-04-09T14:46:29Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > At this point, she stopped responding to my texts and calls. I was like wtf!? When I searched for her on Facebook, I noticed we had 3 mutual friends and when I checked out her pictures, it dawned on me: THIS WAS SARA! The universally improbable had somehow occurred: this girl who had left such an impression with me had been thrust into my life two years later, completely randomly, and I had even gone on a date with her! How many calls or texts have you sent that she’s ignored? And what were they like? If you’ve texted just a few casual ones like “How was your day?” or “Do you wanna meet up for dinner?” then it might be okay to text something like “This is crazy, but I think we met at a Halloween party a few years ago, were you at Friend’s party? I should have realized that the amazing Sara I met two years ago and you were the same person.” Maybe it’ll get the weirdness out and she’ll respond and you can laugh about it. But if she doesn’t respond, then just let it go and don’t do anything else. HOWEVER, if you have sent her a bunch of texts and called a bunch and she’s ignored them, then don’t do anything. Same thing if any of your texts or voicemails have been the more desperate “Why wouldn’t you respond? I thought we had a connection.” If you sent a bunch of messages and they were too intense, then it would definitely come across as too much and not attractive. > [@Stringbean](#): > > She is special–I felt it the moment I met her (both times), and even if she rejects me I will hate myself to not do everything I could to get with her. Oh wait, I was rereading my post and your post, and this jumped out at me as a big red flag. I’m sure she is lovely and amazing and wonderful, but you still barely know her. You’ve hung out three times- once at the party, once with her friends in the afternoon, and at the concert. Wanting to do “everything I could to get with her” sounds stalkerish for a girl you barely know. Probably best course of action is to just let it go, and try to get out there and meet other girls. Get on Tinder, I know there are a lot of people on there. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/24 "2014-04-09T15:04:51Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Here’s the story: > > Halloween 2.5 years ago. . . . This, plus the thread title, told me everything I need to know. I read the reast of the OP and the thread, but it didn’t change my opinion. This isn’t about her. It’s about you. She can tell it isn’t really about her, and she’s not interested. You have to respect that, and move on. Maybe she’ll look you up in a few years, but out of 7 billion people, second-best is pretty good, too. ---
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/25 "2014-04-09T15:18:07Z")
Nothing really to add, but it reminded me of this: > [@Mr. Bernstein](#): > > A fellow will remember a lot of things you wouldn’t think he’d remember. You take me. One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn’t see me at all, but I’ll bet a month hasn’t gone by since that I haven’t thought of that girl. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/26 "2014-04-09T15:46:55Z")
I appreciate everyone’s advice. I have one more thing to add, and it may not be pretty: On Monday of this week was when I discovered that she was the same girl I met 2 years ago. I was so shocked that I called her and left a voicemail basically saying “I met you 2 years ago at a halloween party, I tried to kiss you, you said you had a boyfriend, and we never contacted each other after. I would really like to see you again, this is blowing my mind right now.” The fact that she hasn’t responded to this in any way means a lot I think. She obviously knows now, I’m sure she at least remembers parts of our first meeting, and still doesn’t see fit to at least acknowledge it. All I really want at this point is 5 minutes to sit with her and talk about this. Can anyone give me advice on how to achieve this? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/27 "2014-04-09T15:51:52Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Can anyone give me advice on how to achieve this? Yes, but not “achieve this and stay out of jail.” Seriously: share the awesome coincidence with your friends and family. You can’t share it with her. She doesn’t want to, and forcing her is wrong. Wrong. She’s going to miss out, but that’s her choice, and she has already made it. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/28 "2014-04-09T16:02:57Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Yes, but not “achieve this and stay out of jail.” > > Seriously: share the awesome coincidence with your friends and family. You can’t share it with her. She doesn’t want to, and forcing her is wrong. Wrong. She’s going to miss out, but that’s her choice, and she has already made it. I agree whole-heartedly with this. She might be freaked out by the coincidence, and think you stalked her. She might be just not interested in you. There’s no way for you to find out, or to force her to have a meeting with you. Let it go. It stinks when you feel like you have a great connection with someone, but they don’t feel the same way about you. The only thing you can do is move on. ---
**Author:** ![missouri65](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/74df32/32.png) [@missouri65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missouri65)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/29 "2014-04-09T16:19:10Z")
You creeped her out the first time, then reminded her of it in the call. She may well think you are stalking her now. Leave her alone unless she contacts you. You don’t have any right to five minutes to sit with her, and you’ve given her plenty of reason to want to avoid it. ---
**Author:** ![Enigma42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/87869e/32.png) [@Enigma42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enigma42)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/30 "2014-04-09T16:25:43Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > All I really want at this point is 5 minutes to sit with her and talk about this. Can anyone give me advice on how to achieve this? Can you clearly articulate what you hope this meeting will accomplish? Since she already knows about the incredible ‘coincidence’, if she were as impressed by it as you, she would be returning your messages already. You can’t convince someone to be attracted to you. Hard as it may be, you need to let this go. The ball is in her court now and more pressure is just going to push her farther away. Maybe she’ll get back to you, maybe not. If she does get back in touch, be friendly and casual and dial back the intensity if you want to have any chance of her in your life. ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/31 "2014-04-09T16:25:56Z")
How could you not recognize her? This sounds fishy. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/32 "2014-04-09T16:29:26Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > All I really want at this point is 5 minutes to sit with her and talk about this. Can anyone give me advice on how to achieve this? Duct tape, chloroform, a remote house with a secure basement. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/33 "2014-04-09T16:45:54Z")
Sorry, Stringbean. At this point, the ball is in her court. And regardless of your desire to spend 5 minutes talking with her, she doesn’t seem interested. I guess no one but you can stop you from pursuing her. I mean, if you continue, it can lead to a Restraining Order, but that’s just a piece of paper. Or her brother or some boyfriend laying a physical beat down on you (Houston is in TX, right?). I don’t think anyone here wants to advise you on how to stalk the woman. That never turns out well. You had a moment with her. Cherish the memory and move on. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/34 "2014-04-09T17:00:06Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > /Been there, done that. Never again. Been there, done that. Again and again. ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/35 "2014-04-09T17:06:34Z")
Use double reverse psychology. Tell her never to contact you ever again. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/36 "2014-04-09T17:15:12Z")
Quit smoking. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/37 "2014-04-09T17:17:25Z")
You _do_ sound a little obsessive. If she wants to ralk, she’ll call. ETA: or talk. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/38 "2014-04-09T17:39:01Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > I appreciate everyone’s advice. I have one more thing to add, and it may not be pretty: > > On Monday of this week was when I discovered that she was the same girl I met 2 years ago. I was so shocked that I called her and left a voicemail basically saying “I met you 2 years ago at a halloween party, I tried to kiss you, you said you had a boyfriend, and we never contacted each other after. I would really like to see you again, this is blowing my mind right now.” > > The fact that she hasn’t responded to this in any way means a lot I think. She obviously knows now, I’m sure she at least remembers parts of our first meeting, and still doesn’t see fit to at least acknowledge it. All I really want at this point is 5 minutes to sit with her and talk about this. Can anyone give me advice on how to achieve this? You won’t get five seconds. By now, she has already told all of her friends about the crazy stalker guy. Leave it be. (Cliche warning) She’s just not that into you. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/39 "2014-04-09T17:44:36Z")
> [@Boogly](#): > > \ > Life is not a movie, just because you pour your heart and feelings out does not mean that everything will work out. \ This cannot be emphasized enough. If some guy stood outside my house in the rain holding a boombox over his head, I would never stop cringing at that. > [@QuickSilver](#): > > Unless you’ve done something questionable to put her off, consider the possibility that your Sarah is a flake. Good point. > [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > When two people want to see each other, they will. If not, usually at least one of them doesn’t want to. Also a good point. > [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > I\ > So, take some time and think things over and give it some thought and talk nice and sweetly to them. If you do that, you have a much better chance to achieve a happy outcome.\ There’s this crazy new thing that guys are doing that seems to have some good success - treating women like human beings. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/40 "2014-04-09T17:55:19Z")
You’re in Texas with a broken heart…write a song. Or Get her a card and leave it taped to her door. Write your real feelings inside. Something like ‘I watch you when you shower.’ or ‘I think of you when I shower.’ Don’t forget the hearts and smiley faces. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694.md?page=3)