# Advice on a situation with a girl... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 9, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694 "2014-04-09T04:08:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/81 "2014-04-10T16:42:19Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > I love you, because I think we are soulmates. No really, hear me out. If you would just let me talk to you face-to-face, I can explain it all. I’m not insane or scary. Honestly. I swear. Soulmates. You’ll see. I’ll show you. You’ll lock her up in your basement until she comes to the realization that you’re perfect together? That’s so romantic! ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/82 "2014-04-10T17:14:34Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > You’ll lock her up in your basement until she comes to the realization that you’re perfect together? That’s so romantic! What can I say? I’m a romantic at heart 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ISiddiqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/97f17d/32.png) [@ISiddiqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ISiddiqui)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/83 "2014-04-10T19:04:23Z")
OP, I do hope she returns your vmail or text, but I think one of the problems may have been that night 2.5 years ago. You seemingly had a great connection, tried to kiss her, and she stopped you because she had a boyfriend. But then then running the hand down the cheek and telling her she was cute was a misstep. So maybe she didn’t realize you were the same guy, but when she did come to the realization, she may have been freaking out because she remembers you as the guy that did that creepy cheek thing. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/84 "2014-04-10T21:47:22Z")
> [@StayseaDee](#): > > I can’t help but to be a hopeless romantic. The only thing worse is a hopeful romantic. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/85 "2014-04-10T21:52:39Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Aren’t you a little young to be living on your own and smoking cigarettes? I imagine you look pretty different after 2.5 years too, having recently started puberty and all. > [@OurLordPeace](#): > > That seems a little mean-spirited. Tough Love. Our hero needs to be told how he’s presenting himself. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/86 "2014-04-10T22:29:46Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > So, like, a ways back I was at this party. Becky was there, even though she is in a fight with Mike. And of course Joe wouldn’t come with me, ever since that thing with Sylvia. I talked with some guy about legumes, as we both garden, and he must have been drunk because he tried to kiss me. I told him to back off and went to find Becky. Can you believe it, Becky was kissing Mike! I was shocked and Rick was double shocked. I wanted to stay to hear what happened, but it’s report season at work and things are hectic. I got the whole story later on Facebook anyway. LOL Susan couldn’t believe it! > > Anyway. Later on I was hanging out with Becky and Anne at the bike store. Joe managed to blow a tire, so I dropped his bike off and cabbed home. But the cab dropped us off at the wrong place and I had to pee sooooo bad. Can you believe we just flagged down some rando and he let us in? We could have been anyone! So dude had some Bombay Sapphire and you know how I love gin, so we hung out for a while and watched Game of Thrones. Mike kept texting Becky the whole time, typical right? He would have flipped if he know she was at some dudes house, hahah. Anyways, we got bored and walked home. It wasn’t too far and I could stand to loose some weight. At home there was all this drama over that whole fireplace fiasco…I don’t even want to get in to that whole story. > > Apartment dude texts me later saying he has an extra ticket to the Toad the Wet Sprocket reunion. Why not, right? I mean, I loved TTWS in middle school. And it’s not like Joe and I are officially together since he left for Benin. And, like, who goes to Benin for a year? What do they even eat there? We face time every day, but you know how it is. If he wants me, he can come back to Austin. That’s that story. So the concert was good. The Vets Hall has new speakers, finally. I spilled a diet Coke all over my new shirt, though. So much for that. Dude was kind of off. He was definitely making the move for me, but I just wasn’t feeling it. First off he’s a redhead and I don’t go for that. And he just wanted to keep taking about legumes. Wtf? But the music was good and I always like to dance. It’s kind of like Zumba, right? I wonder how much you burn at a concert? I should check that out. > > Later apartment guy leaves me this wacky voicemail. He says he was the guy at that party. I guess he was. Otherwise, how would he know? I can’t really remember. Anyway, that’s all pretty weird and I don’t want to deal with it. Sylvia’s wedding is next week and the dresses are just, so. ugly. Who chooses line green? And poor Anne with her scar. I don’t even know what she’s going to do about that, maybe a shawl? > > Ok, gotta go! Mike is gonna face time. He had a pet monkey! I can’t wait to see it! And then we have happy hour at the Applebee’s. I can’t wait until Thursday, haha. The new doorman is going to be shocked by the delivery! This right here? This is beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2014, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/87 "2014-04-10T23:32:36Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > Tough Love. Our hero needs to be told how he’s presenting himself. True, but after the OP has capitulated there’s no need to keep kicking him. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2014, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/88 "2014-04-11T09:50:33Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > He orchestrated the 3 girls going to _his_ apartment and jumping up and down outside his gate? You’ve never heard a frightened person say things that didn’t make sense? She could be wondering, “how did this guy _just happen_ to be living in this particular neighborhood? Maybe he moved here because he was following me!” Someone upthread remarked that there was nothing remarkable about the OP finding this woman again. I used to live in Houston. It is an ENORMOUS, spread-out, densely populated city. You could live a few miles away from your long-lost twin brother and never run into him. I can easily imagine this girl thinking that this can’t be a coincidence. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/89 "2014-04-13T09:34:02Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Here’s the story: > > Halloween 2.5 years ago, I was visiting my hometown Houston for a friend’s party. I met a really cool, intelligent, pretty girl and we hit it off immediately. Lets call her Sara. We chatted all night, smoked a little, and I felt this amazing connection with her. I did something I rarely do–I made a move. I caught her coming back from the bathroom and I swiftly moved in to kiss her. When I was literally inches from her lips, she hesitantly stopped me and said “sorry I have a boyfriend.” I ran my fingers down her cheek and said “but you’re so cute…,” however I respected her loyalty. We continued to chat for a few minutes, and when she said she had to go, she briefly pecked my lips and I looked her straight in the eyes and said “Sara, I _really_ hope I see you again someday.” Since I didn’t live in Houston at the time, I said this knowing I would basically never see this amazing person again… > > Fast forward to today. I moved back to Houston about a year ago, been working and enjoying being back in my hometown. About 2 weeks ago, I was out on my balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed some girls jumping up and down right outside my apartment complex’s gate. For whatever reason, I decided to go help them out and let them in (they were obviously in distress). One of them had to pee, so I let her use my bathroom, and I invited these 3 girls to come hang out on my balcony. There was one girl among the group that was super cute, intelligent, and I immediately felt a connection with her. I ended up hanging out with these girls for a couple hours. As I talked to the cute girl, she reminded me a lot of Sara whom I had met years ago. I almost asked her if I had met her before because she was so similar, but I assumed the odds that she was the same girl were astronomical. I got her number before she left, and we went to a concert the following week. We had an amazing time. It was the most fun I had ever had with a girl. > > At this point, she stopped responding to my texts and calls. I was like wtf!? When I searched for her on Facebook, I noticed we had 3 mutual friends and when I checked out her pictures, it dawned on me: THIS WAS SARA! The universally improbable had somehow occurred: this girl who had left such an impression with me had been thrust into my life two years later, completely randomly, and I had even gone on a date with her! > > Now, my questions for you folks is: > > 1. Isn’t it mind-blowing that this happened? Of all the people for this to happen with, it was the one girl that I felt a very real, instant connection with. > > 2. Is it absurd that I didn’t immediately know it was her? I mean, 2.5 years is a long time, and she did look slightly different the second time. > > 3. Did she know the whole time who I was and just didn’t tell me? Why would she do that? > > 4. Why won’t she respond to my texts or calls? We literally had such an amazing time at the concert, I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to go out with me again. > > I have been so emotionally wrecked by this. I can barely sleep and I obsess over it all day. I feel like I have to see her again. If for no other reason, to get everything out in the open. She is special–I felt it the moment I met her (both times), and even if she rejects me I will hate myself to not do everything I could to get with her. But, she seems to be ignoring me now, and I have a sneaking suspicion it’s because she’s known all along. Normally, I would take a hint and not try and contact her anymore, but this situation is so…unique…that I feel compelled to keep trying until I get some face-to-face. I _must_ clear this up. I’m worried I will come across as fanatical and obsessive, which frankly I am at this point, but I don’t even care. I feel like if I get this all explained, we can (hopefully) laugh about it and pursue a relationship. It would be the shame of my young life to lose her over what is basically an absurd mix-up. “And that, kids, is how I met your mother.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/90 "2014-04-13T19:21:05Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > “And that, kids, is how I met your mother.” That would be a completely different kind of show, and one that could be quite compelling. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/91 "2014-07-15T09:01:16Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That would be a completely different kind of show, and one that could be quite compelling. “Orange is the New Black”??? ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/92 "2014-07-15T09:10:05Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > He orchestrated the 3 girls going to _his_ apartment and jumping up and down outside his gate? > > If he can get her to do that then he should have no trouble getting her to sit still for five minutes for a chat. He DID. Or, at least he got more time with her. And didn’t fucking know it was \*the \*girl. How many times will I have to be the one to ask this question?: **Stringbean** , what kind of medications are you on? (legal or no) The answers to this question never seems to come up until after 3 or more pages, when the OP drops it on us, and has a substantial bearing on a helpful answer. Also, what did you smoke with Sara at your first meeting? ---
**Author:** ![Steken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Steken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steken)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/93 "2014-07-15T14:00:33Z")
Lots of really mean replies in this thread. No need for that, I think. **Stringbean** , I think it’s a great story. But when a girl stops answering, what you absolutely _must_ do is walk away - no matter how romantic or fascinating the backstory might be. Deleting her number is a great idea. At this point, you no longer have the right to contact her; and if she wants to contact you, she will. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/94 "2014-07-18T02:31:27Z")
> [@Steken](#): > > Lots of really mean replies in this thread. No need for that, I think. > > **Stringbean** , I think it’s a great story. But when a girl stops answering, what you absolutely _must_ do is walk away - no matter how romantic or fascinating the backstory might be. > > Deleting her number is a great idea. At this point, you no longer have the right to contact her; and if she wants to contact you, she will. I don’t think that there are a lot of mean replies…I think that the replies are just trying to bring the lad back to reality. This is an almost unfathomable experience. Perhaps, rather, an unfathomable OP. Let’s be real…a dream girl…and, X years (not THAT many) later, he gets a date with her…and, then, \*after \*the date, he realizes that it was the dream girl??? No, there is a remarkable disconnect here that needs some serious attention. I also think that you are to premature to say that Stringbean has forfeited a right to contact her. Only after he gets the big ‘don’t bother me’ has that line been reached. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2014, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/95 "2014-07-18T05:35:53Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > I appreciate everyone’s advice. I have one more thing to add, and it may not be pretty: > > On Monday of this week was when I discovered that she was the same girl I met 2 years ago. I was so shocked that I called her and left a voicemail basically saying “I met you 2 years ago at a halloween party, I tried to kiss you, you said you had a boyfriend, and we never contacted each other after. I would really like to see you again, this is blowing my mind right now.” > > The fact that she hasn’t responded to this in any way means a lot I think. She obviously knows now, I’m sure she at least remembers parts of our first meeting, and still doesn’t see fit to at least acknowledge it. All I really want at this point is 5 minutes to sit with her and talk about this. Can anyone give me advice on how to achieve this? FWIW i can sort of relate to how you’re feeling, but from experience I’ll echo what everyone else is saying and just say for your own sanity let it go. Getting 5 minutes to explain how you feel to her is not going to magically cure anything. My suggestion is to just send her a text saying simply that you’ll take the fact that she hasn’t replied to mean she isn’t interested in pursuing anything, so you’ll take the hint and leave her alone. Then do that. That’s the closure for you, she either replies or she doesn’t. You can’t force someone to care about you, so close the chapter and move on. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/96 "2014-07-19T21:47:23Z")
Zombie thread but I’ll tie things up for anyone who still cares: She stopped contacting me, then a few weeks later I found out through facebook she had a new boyfriend. It pretty much made sense to me at that point: she was seeing this guy, decided to go out with me just to see what happens, didn’t like me as much and decided to get with the other guy. What’s hilarious is that literally a couple days after they became official I was out at a favorite bar of mine with friends and she was there with her new boyfriend. lol. Another random meeting with this girl…anyways, I went to say hi and met her bf and chatted with them for a good 45 minutes. Came across very cool, funny, charming, etc. A few days later I sent her a text saying “if you didn’t want to see me anymore then just tell me. You lead me on and that’s not cool. I don’t know why the universe conspires for us to run into each other but I hope this was the last time.” I think that was the closure I needed. Lesson learned, move on. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/97 "2014-07-19T21:59:23Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Zombie thread but I’ll tie things up for anyone who still cares: > > She stopped contacting me, then a few weeks later I found out through facebook she had a new boyfriend. It pretty much made sense to me at that point: she was seeing this guy, decided to go out with me just to see what happens, didn’t like me as much and decided to get with the other guy. > > What’s hilarious is that literally a couple days after they became official I was out at a favorite bar of mine with friends and she was there with her new boyfriend. lol. Another random meeting with this girl…anyways, I went to say hi and met her bf and chatted with them for a good 45 minutes. Came across very cool, funny, charming, etc. > > A few days later I sent her a text saying “if you didn’t want to see me anymore then just tell me. You lead me on and that’s not cool. I don’t know why the universe conspires for us to run into each other but I hope this was the last time.” > > I think that was the closure I needed. Lesson learned, move on. Yeah, I’m sticking with really immature and irritating as hell. How exactly did she lead you on? By existing in your fantasy life? ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/98 "2014-07-20T00:01:05Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Yeah, I’m sticking with really immature and irritating as hell. How exactly did she lead you on? By existing in your fantasy life? I find your personal attacks unwarranted, and your inability to recognize that this episode did in fact occur in the real world both immature and irritating as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2014, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/99 "2014-07-20T00:11:47Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > I find your personal attacks unwarranted, and your inability to recognize that this episode did in fact occur in the real world both immature and irritating as hell. Ooh, you certainly do come across as very cool, funny, charming, etc! All the wimmins are totes missing out! ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2014, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/advice-on-a-situation-with-a-girl/685694/100 "2014-08-02T07:03:07Z")
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