I didn’t say the FU was hidden. In fact it’s as plain as day – and is meant to be. But… if you’re called on the FU, the charitable donation will adequately deflect the criticism.
A McDonald’s gift certificate for free fries (my initial thought) won’t give you that!
I believe this is like one of those time-honored sitcom episodes where you find out you aren’t actually married at all and you have to run to the justice of the peace and there’s, like, twenty people in line and you learn all about what made you fall in love in the first place. And the justice of the peace is kind of wigged out because you both have the same last name.
Please tell me you at least had punch the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses. Because otherwise you’ve definitely been living in sin all the time. Sorry 'bout that, but somebody had to tell you before you die and go to hell.
ETA - depending on where you live, you may have achieved common-law marriage. This won’t bother you unless your husband skips town with the cops on his tail, and then they’ll constantly refer to you in the news as “The suspect’s common-law wife.” That might be embarrassing in the grocery store.
Oh.my.god. We didn’t have punch at all! Just champagne, wine, and assorted beers…Uh oh.
I laughed so hard at this I could breathe through my nose for a little while*! Thanks!
*I’m home sick with a sucky sinus infection
Native North Carolinian checking in. You should most definitely get your assistant something. It’s expected and it will be noticed and remarked upon if you don’t. You work in higher ed, right? So I’m guessing no holiday bonuses in the paycheck. That means gifts from the higher-ups are especially appreciated. (I also work in higher ed admin.)
Dangerosa’s idea of pooling together and getting her a gift certificate (maybe to a nice restaurant?) is a great idea. If that won’t work, a small but genuinely nice token would be appropriate.
The only thing you owe her is a thank you note.
If you give to a charity, give to one of those “save the kids” funds that sends you a picture of the child you sponsor. Frame the picture and give it to the assistant. 
I’m about to go through the Southern Office Gift Exchange for the first time this Wednesday. Even though I’m the only female in my department, the other ladies in the office are including me in their plans. I’m participating in the gift exchange, but I’m trying to avoid the lunch gathering (they’ve selected a restaurant I really don’t care for).
Jodi, if it helps, think about it this way. If you were doing business in, say, Singapore, and it was the tradition for supervisor and subordinate to exchange gifts, you’d just chalk it up to different cultural expectations and do it. You might think it’s annoying or a waste of money, but you’d recognize that it’s the way business is done there. It’s really no different than that.
Having lived in the south eastern U.S. for a number of years, I’d guess it’s something she learned from her family and is more politeness than trying to curry favor. I’d get her something, of slightly higher value, and, if your’re in a position to do so, put out the word, next year, that gift giving is discouraged among employees.
At my job, anyone who gives their superior a gift is thought of as an asskisser…
Just FYI, I got her a nice candle in a glass, which is not what I intended to do initially. Initially, I intended to give her nothing but cordial (genuine, not sarcastic) good wishes for the season. But you all (or as they say here in the South, y’all) changed my mind.
Yes, this may set a precedent for a gift exchange I’d rather not do, but I’m not going to be Yankee McScrooge, Northerner-raised-in-a-barn.
The whip-around amongst her supervisors would probably have yielded a better gift, but I did not feel like I should head up the gift-drive when I’m so ambivalent about giving her anything myself. I’m not going to turn around and make others feel the same way on her behalf.
The homemade cookies were also a good idea, except I just had my annual cookie exchange party and brought the extras in for everyone to share, so giving her some would have seemed like “Here! Have some leftovers!” I could have made her something else homemade, but I’ve done all the holiday baking I intend to.
Thank you all for the advice; it was very helpful.
What happened to pirouetting madly through the holidays? I don’t know what you should do, but I’ll tell what I do. The part that should be scary for you is that I’m considered an ornery bastard, yet… well you’ll get the picture. If not, you can expect three spirits.
Even though some people might not work directly for me, if I work closely with them during the year, I treat them as part of the team. It’s really that simple.
I don’t expect to receive anything, and in fact try to discourage it, by all team members get something small from me.
Even though that something is small, I pride myself on it being clever or funny. I’ve given up on “useful” or “pretty” or anything requiring loads of thought. In the end, everyone will remember the flying, screaming monkey from Thinkgeek more than a failed attempt at a gift to suit someone’s personality.
It’s too late for you, but I load up on the clever gifts as I see them on the premise that if I don’t use a few, they can sit ‘til next year, but I won’t get into a crunch close to Christmas.
That’s not an etiquitte answer, that’s WWWD. That will be 5 cents.
I think this was the best answer. I always threaten to give people a signed 8x10 picture of me, in a frame, for their birthday. Keep some signed 8x10 pictures of you around, write a dedication on the front, and voila! Instant present!
I was going to suggest the candle idea, but you’re a step ahead of me. That’s what I used to give as work gifts to people I didn’t know well.
Home-baked is nice, but that’s a lot of work. I’m all but baked out for this year. (244 cookies, 14 batches of nut bread, 84 gingerbread men, 4 choo-choo-train cakes, and I’m not quite finished.)
Damn, I had the perfect gift to suggest, a fruitcake! Nothing will discourage gift exchanges faster than a fruitcake. 